DOA
by IHoldWithThoseWhoFavorFire.HM
Summary: NEARxMELLO. What I think should have happened at the end of the series.
1. I Don't Care

A/N New story! This one's about Near and Mello – not something I usually write but I wanted something more challenging. This one was originally supposed to be a oneshot but the more I wrote…well, it kinda got out of control…It'll have anywhere from seven to ten chapters. Enjoy!

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CHAPTER 1

I DON'T CARE

"I'm sorry, it just can't be done," Roger was sure to speak each word slowly, carefully, already noticing the hint of irritation that laced them. He couldn't be blamed, the voice on the other line already rising in pitch until it was practically screaming, making the program that scrambled it crackled and whine in his ear. He was slightly offended that the child would go to such lengths to disguise himself, it wasn't as if the old man didn't know who it was, couldn't remember the sound as if it was only yesterday that Mello was growling his goodbyes.

"It doesn't belong to you. What right have you to keep it? You have no idea what kind of person you are toying with." The teenager argued. It was a simple demand; send the last known photograph of one Mihael Keehl, former charge of one Roger Ruvie, to a predisclosed address. Just what the hell was the problem?

"I no longer possess it. I have said this already, a hundred times." Roger believed the photo had already been destroyed, and there was no need to even have this conversation. And at this late an hour! In the background, there were barely discernible beeps and clicks from a computer, the sound of car horns. The call was being made on a pay phone in the dead of night. Had his charge forgotten the time difference between himself and England? No, not Mello, not the genius second in line to, well, the former L. The teenager simply did not care. "Make no mistake, I know the exact kind of person that I am speaking to. We've all heard the rumors. In fact, the reason that I am not able to send the photo is that you were presumed deceased. I am sorry. I had thought Near requested it as some sort of...memorial. I should have known better. Perhaps you should ask him why he is keeping it for you? Perhaps he wishes to see you again. We both know what a great mind he has, but I believe he is in over his head. It makes perfect sense that he would want to see you again. Near has a great mind, but he is no L. He needs your help. Would it really be that terrible to work with him? If for no other reason, do it for Lawliet." The old man expected the blond to rage, to scream at him for the suggestion to work with his rival, or at least for having spoken the dead man's true name.

The line went dead. Roger held the receiver long after, listening to the tone that was morbidly reminding him of a heart rate monitor, flat-lining, buzzing in his ear, alerting the death of a loved one. Surely Mello would change his mind; surely he would fight alongside the child that called himself L. They were both too young, and Roger had little faith that either would survive. Watari had assured him that they would succeed, and the faith that he had kept in those two had been bothering him for quite some time. Something else could have been done; other arrangements could have been made. L should not have had to carry this weight on his shoulders, even at the age of twenty-five, he had only been a child. At ten and eleven years younger, Mello and Near should have been made to stay home, should have let the rest of the world have this fight. It was plain for anyone to see, after piecing the rumors together, that the older teen did not value his life, had nearly died once for a cause that shouldn't even be his to bear. Near's struggle was less visible to most, the child was so quiet, so seemingly levelheaded, but he too was on the edge. When Rester made his weekly phone calls to update Wammy's House on the case, it always ended with concerns for the child's well being. He was rarely seen eating or sleeping, rarely spoke unless it was about Kira. If L's name was so much as mentioned, he made excuses to leave the room. And some of the plans that he had been putting together did sound somewhat...suicidal. If Near's suspicions were correct, then L had been closely associated with Kira. The child was already in direct contact with him, and it sounded as if he planned to take the evidence directly to the suspect's face.

It was so like L. But L had already failed, died for his bravery. It looked as if his successors were intentionally following his path, doing exactly as he had done while knowing that it was the wrong course of action. The boys were both unbelievably intelligent, but if either had a fault, it was not having the ability to learn from history's mistakes. The wrong path had already been marked out for them, but they were both too pigheaded to see it, too wrapped up in needing to be first, needing to be right, that it may be too late to turn around.

Roger Ruvie found himself almost dialing Watari's number, to maybe ask for guidance, or at least point out how terribly stupid and pointless this had all been, but then he remembered that his oldest, dearest friend, had been lost too. He had been just as stubborn, not listening to Roger when he'd pointed out the flaws in the plan for Wammy's House, again turning a deaf ear on the pleas later, when his friend had begged him to stay in England, had said that this was the government's responsibility. But he had gone, and lost his life for it. The only control Roger felt that he had left was to decide what to have engraved on their tombstones. There would be two more very soon, probably three because Matt went where Mello went. And no, the caretaker would not send more. He was learning from history, and would be damned if it he would repeat it.

Mello's first thought was to wonder why Near had let the orphanage think he was dead. Roger had mentioned that Near seemed to be 'over his head'; maybe they were planning on handing his duties over to Mello? He wouldn't take them like that, but it wouldn't have surprised the blond in the least if that was what Near was so worried about. He couldn't have expected his rival to call the place, to request his one and only picture back. Could he? Was he really that good, really able to think that far ahead? Mello had asked his accomplice, who'd been too busy with his surveillance assignment to think before he spoke. He'd said yes, which was the exact reason why Mello was going alone. He was in no mood to speak with his friend for the remainder of the day. The traitor didn't deserve to be given that privilege. Of course, Roger believed the same, and probably Lawliet would too. Mello didn't give a flying fuck about the first, and the last wasn't exactly able to share his opinion.

Despite his skills with the bike, Mello had almost taken the motorcycle off the road as his thoughts wandered. He weaved around passing cars, honking their horns. Traffic in New York might be as aggravating as LA. He missed England. He missed driving on the proper side of the road, even though he hadn't been legal to do so when he'd left. Mello took the time to wonder what would happen if he were to be pulled over, was Kira eliminating bad drivers these days too? He didn't even have a license, and he was carrying a weapon that wasn't exactly supposed to belong to him. Would Near get him out of jail? Especially considering what Mello was planning on doing with said weapon?

Several police cruisers passed, and the blond accelerated, daring them to pursue him. A high-speed chase might just make his day. Might give him a few moments of peace before he had to face the bastard that was no doubt plotting his demise. Would Near really hand the photo over to Kira? The criminal knew his name now, and had suffered causalities because of him. The events still played over and over in his mind; the scars _itched_ at the thought. He had been so close. That officer was going to kill him with the death note. No doubt about it there. He was hesitating, but when it came down to those last seconds, even the most righteous of human beings would take a life to save his own. That's all Mello had done. He had to live, had to catch Kira and avenge L. He had to do it before Near, because he wasn't going to make it. He wasn't willing to risk his life for this.

The thought of Near not even being able to lay his life on the line for the memory of L was what really drove Mello to seek him out, to break into his base. Yes, his long time rival was probably planning on giving his picture away to save his own ass, or to move closer to Kira. But Mello didn't care. He was used to being a toy, used to being expendable. Hadn't that been what Wammy's was all about? One dies, and a hundred more stand in line to fill the position. Near had just gotten there first. But he didn't deserve it. Scores be damned, what really mattered was the drive to succeed, and the younger boy just didn't have that. Everything just came to the bastard, but he didn't really want it. It just happened. Mello tried so hard, fought every damn day of his childhood away, when he should have been appreciating his youth. Instead, every win was just another nail in the coffin. To really succeed, someone had to die. L had been willing. And now Mello was.

Of course Hal had tried to stop him. She'd tried to reason with him, said she would speak to Near on his behalf. But the bitch just didn't know him well enough. Yeah, so Near had sworn that he would work with Mello, but he hated the idea more than anyone knew. He worked alone. At first, the blond had tried to charm the female detective, had put his all into being the beautiful, charming young man that he had once been. That was what had got him so far in the Mafia, not being scary, but charming. Yes, look at my pretty face, never mind the gun tucked into my waistband. Hal wanted him; even with the scars she wanted him. But she wanted her job more, wanted Near to let her stay because he had the resources. Once, that wouldn't have mattered. The blond took a moment to let the insecurity swell inside him, to know that even when he'd been a homeless fourteen year old, his beauty had gotten him much farther. At school he'd always hated the way he was more pretty than frightening, but he'd soon learned that if you were attractive enough, you needed little else. No, not one of the hit men had ever gotten the chance to touch him, he wasn't a whore and had never even thought to sink that low, but some of them just looked at him and obeyed commands.

The scar had been his ruin. He could no longer get by on his looks, and god help him, it bothered him. It bothered him so much that the anger immediately overrode the feelings of insecurity, and before either of them knew it, he had a gun to Hal's pretty little head. Her eyes widened, and she made no move to reach for her own weapon before punching in the code that let them inside. It was that easy, maybe he wasn't beautiful anymore, but he was a force to be reckoned with. People passing him on the street stared in horror, even in the big cities where you could easily tread over a fresh chalk outline of a body, even when you could walk between buildings and witness a rape or murder, the injury that should have killed him terrified anyone that passed. It was no way to live, but that didn't matter any more. All that mattered was the pajama-clad teenager on the floor, the boy who held his fate in his hands.

As usual, Near was ignoring him at first. He wouldn't even turn around to look at him. Of course not, as the next L, Near was no doubt disgusted with the things Mello had done to come this far. It was enough to have him put away already. All this impostor had to do was say the word, and Mello would be sent to jail for life. Or killed by Kira.

Near's voice was flat, emotionless as usual, when he finally spoke. "Mello won't shoot me." The blond should have, just for making a mockery of the L title. Just for lying to Roger, for stealing the photo, for countless other crimes that Mello did not wish to even think about. Near might as well have killed him, years ago, for the way Mello felt now. This boy, this weak, pathetic excuse, had ruined his life. He had made him feel smaller than anyone else had ever, had made him feel less like a human being than being orphaned had, than working his way up the chain of command in the Mafia. The blond wondered how he could still wear his rosary, how he could pray for his sins. He felt soulless, dead; there was no reason to atone. It was too late anyway.

His arm shook from the effort to hold the gun at the back of Near's head, his finger squeezing down on the trigger as Hal screamed and Near sat quietly, surrounded by his only friends. Finally, the picture was given back, and still the blond wanted to pull the trigger. He turned the photo over, saw the neat, clean handwriting that must be Near's. 'Dear Mello' had not been inscribed there when he'd seen it last. Dear Mello, what? 'Rest in peace'? 'Fuck off'? 'I'm sorry'? The answers weren't there, as if someone had decided at the last second that the rest of the message wasn't worth telling, or was too painful, or just didn't fucking matter. That had to be it; whatever Near had meant to say to him just didn't really matter. It was too late for all that. They were past it. Still, the idea that the photo had caused some memories to stir was really what made the blond change his mind, though he wouldn't admit it. It was not Hal's promise that he would be shot and killed here if he did not lower his weapon, it was not the idea that with both of them dead Kira would continue to reign in peace. This photo had been taken years ago, before the trouble really began. When they were...no, they were never friends. But it had been taken before the fighting began, and maybe a part of Near missed that.

No, to miss something, a person had to have feelings. If Near felt anything, there were so many things he could have said right then. But he was already dismissing Mello, was already back to playing with his toys. Still, it was as good of an apology as he was ever going to get, and Mello did owe the younger boy something in return. Near wouldn't care if the rest of Wammy's ever blamed him for Mello's death, so that would not give enough of a reason for him to return the last evidence of Mello's existence. It had been a favor. He was owed something in return.

The blond gave what little he was willing to, as he left with his challenge hanging in the air. No, he probably wouldn't see him at the finish line, because they weren't both going to make it out. But at least they were on even grounds now, with Mello slightly ahead because he already knew what the fake rule was, because he had met a shinigami face to face. He wondered how long it would take, and if Near would personally contact him to brag when he finally figured out the answer. It wouldn't take long. The blond had to admit that Near's expertise was riddles and puzzles. If only this puzzle wasn't costing all of them precious moments of their youth, wasn't stealing their hopes and dreams. If only L hadn't died.

Mello had been surprised that no one was waiting to arrest him once he exited the outside doors. Maybe Near had grown up a little. Or maybe Mello had even less faith in humanity than ever. Of course Near wouldn't do that. He loved a challenge. Had he ever confessed when they fought and Near ended up with considerably more bruises than Mello? No. Even when Roger and Watari _knew_ that it had been the blond, Near remained silent. If Mello was out of the running, the puzzle wouldn't be fun anymore. If Mello was sent away for his violence, then who would be there to keep the younger boy on his toes. That was the only reason he fought, because he was bored. It was so like...L. And maybe that was the real reason Mello couldn't pull the trigger. There were many things about the former detective that had reminded their caretakers of Mello, but Near was eerily similar as well. It was like they were two halves of the man. If teamed up, no doubt they could be as good or better. So why didn't they both just bite the bullet and work side by side? It was a question that many asked, but of course no one could understand. How could they? Near and Mello couldn't even understand why it didn't work, even long ago, when an effort had been made. Not that it mattered now. It was too late.

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Near waited until he was sure that Mello had left, had watched his motorcycle skid out on the highway and disappear. It was so like Mello, have the last word, dig the knife in as deep as possible, to twist it and then leave it there for his victim to struggle, to pull it out on his own. Just why had he come in person? Near would have gladly sent the photo to him. But of course Mello would never have given him an address, and besides that, he probably wanted to scope out the place. He probably wanted another excuse to complain that Near had it better, another reason to feel slighted when there was no need. He could have had it too, all the resources, the protection. Maybe not friendship, because surely Mello would not let him in again. But someone to sit by his side, someone to be there when he mourned L.

'Dear Mello', he'd begun. The rest wouldn't come. There was so much to say, so many words to be written in apology, in comfort. There were offers to be made, regrets to share. But what did any of that matter now? Every word would be carefully read over and over, twisted until it was so far from it's true meaning that all the blond would see was an attack.

Dear Mello, please forgive me for those words I spoke so long ago, I never meant that L was the loser. I was speaking about myself, I couldn't solve the puzzle. It was too late for him, I knew it back then, not because I didn't have the faith, but because I saw our mentor in you, I saw the will to sacrifice everything for the cause, I saw the need to win even if it meant losing your life. I couldn't stop him, but I did try to stop you. To help you know that your life was worth living, that I looked up to you and wanted to stand at your side, that I didn't want you to die because I was afraid that I wasn't good enough on my own, that I would get lost in this and there would be no one to save me, no one to even die _with_ me if that was what was meant to happen.

Mello would no doubt have seen this as a ploy of some kind, because Near had never admitted how he'd felt. That inside that calm exterior was a boy who was only winning because there wasn't anything else to do. Near was so bored, bored with Wammy's, bored with himself, bored with life. That is, until that first time. That night, when everything had happened so fast that it had seemed like a dream. When Near woke, he'd been ready to change, to be braver, to admit his faults and weaknesses. But it had been over, for weeks, months. Until it happened again. And then every day was like that, and it felt so right. Even when they were dismissing each other, when they fought at first because they still hated each other, and then just to keep up appearances.

It could have been because they were too young to handle it. They were children, and this was just an experiment, just a way to release their frustrations. Or it could have been as Near suspected, that the only reason Mello kept showing up at his door was because he couldn't have what he really wanted, and Near was so close to the genuine article that it was easy enough to pretend. And of course, that had been the accusation that ended it all. Just a few weeks before L's death, the man had called, spoken to each of them for hours. He'd said how he'd be coming home soon, that he was so close to catching Kira that even he was a little nervous, but so excited and so proud and so thankful for all their help. They'd all been barely sleeping, piecing the facts together, doing research, calling the heads of every government to request a country that would allow L to do the experiment.

Maybe that was it, why Near had for once spoken the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind. Not that he was unused to insomnia, but this had been extreme. He was so tired and frustrated and scared, and Mello just looked so damned happy when he spoke to L, happier than he ever was alone with Near. So the accusation had been made, and how stupid and wrong he had been, Mello screamed. How dare he say such a thing? L was like a father to him, and if Near was going to start being _possessive_ of him, start accusing and controlling, then maybe this was a really fucking bad idea. Mello had stormed out of the room, and they had not spoken until that day. Until they heard the worst news of their young lives. And then it was too late to solve the puzzle, because there were whole pieces missing. No, they were there. They were right there but the younger boy just couldn't for the life of him figure out where they fit. Or maybe they hadn't fit all along, maybe they were two different sets and the pieces to each were missing. L was so good at puzzles; surely he would have been able to help. But he was gone, and Near hated him now anyway. This was all his fault.

Somewhere far away, Rester was speaking. Asking stupid questions about Mello, about Kira, the case. What did Near plan to do next? Did he want to arrest the boy? What did the blonde's clue mean? Near was rolling his eyes, pulled back from his daydreaming long enough to solve the riddle. Thanks to Mello, this might very well break the case. But so what? The blond was probably already headed to Japan to take care of it himself. Near was not going to let _that_ happen. Mello would no doubt fuck it up, go in guns blazing and be shot down. He would die and Near would never have the chance to finish the message inscribed on the back of the photo. The teenager left the room, making an excuse about being tired, saying that if anyone dare interrupt, even if it was important, they would be fired, or worse.

In his room, 'L' had time to think in peace. At the thoughts that raced through his mind, he almost wished that he'd stayed with the team. There was so much to do, but for once, he just couldn't keep his thoughts in order. They kept straying back in time, back to moments he wouldn't give up for his own life, but that were surely killing him. So Mello thought that he was heartless, that he felt no emotion. Let him think it, let him have that so he wouldn't have the truth to hold over Near's head. The truth that when he curled up under the white sheets, pulled them up and over his head, curled up around his pillow, he could still _feel_ another body beside him. He could still taste the chocolate on his tongue. Near licked his lips, then chastised himself for being so foolish. It had been years since that taste was more than a memory. But wasn't that sweet bitterness assaulting his taste buds now, wasn't that creamy smoothness sliding down the back of his throat? Near blushed despite himself at the thought, glad that he had decided to lock himself away. It was just a combination of words, just an accurate description of something so innocent as biting into a piece of cool dark chocolate, but it wasn't the memory of candy that made him lick his lips again, made him curl up tighter to the pillow at his side.

There was another body beside him in his memories, so real that he could almost feel the smooth skin of someone's arms wrapped around his neck, could almost feel the strength of the muscle in the legs that tangled with his own. He hated chocolate, hated the way it was both bitter and sweet at the same time, unless it was being shared with him by another tongue warring with his own, fighting for dominance even as he took control. Mello would pretend to let him win, would pretend to concede when the younger boy rolled on top. When...

It was embarrassing; degrading, the way the memory affected him. Near knew that he was just a teenager, that he had hormones that affected his body this way, but he hated it because he never felt it when he wasn't thinking about Mello. He tried thinking about something else, late at night when he was alone and his traitorous body wouldn't let him sleep because it _needed_ something that he didn't want to give it. He hated waking from the dreams he still had, turning on the news to scare the effects away, taking showers and reading books and even, _fuck_, watching goddamned football for hours to make it go away. Of course that only worsened it, because there was a piece of Mello that he'd really, honestly liked. After a match won (and he _always_ won), the blond was all smiles and cheers and loving life, forgetting about school and cases and hating Near. He'd even kiss him without a fight first. Just because it had been a good day and he wanted to celebrate his happiness with his...with his _what_ Near?

Nothing. It was nothing, Near had to remind himself. Nothing. He spoke the word, testing out the feeling of it, whispering it, until it got louder and louder, until there were footsteps coming down the hall. They were nothing anymore. They had never been anything. There was nothing between them. They could be doing whatever it was that they did with anyone; it just happened to be that both were in the right place at the right time. This wasn't about friendship, or respect, or love, it was just there. It sure as hell wasn't a means to comfort; because it hurt so much they both still felt it, long as it had been.

Thankfully, these thoughts, no matter how untrue, were what finally made the ache between his legs go away. Near uncurled himself from the nest of blankets, threw the pillow that somehow managed to smell like chocolate and..._sex_ from him. It hit the door, barely making so much as a satisfying thud to scare away whoever was knocking on the other side. "Go away!" The teenager shrieked, covering his hands with his ears. "Go away Mello! Leave me alone!"

No such luck, _of course_. The door clicked open, and if Near had been in his right mind he would have fired Hal on the spot for picking the lock. He shouldn't have surrounded himself with this team of former FBI and CIA, these experts who feared and respected him, answered to him, yet thought of him like a child that needed their protection.

"How'd you know?" The woman held the phone out, her nose wrinkling as they both heard the response on the other end. Mello was laughing. "Maybe this isn't a good time," she'd lifted the phone to her ear again, rolling her eyes. "I don't think he wishes to speak with you. No, I don't give a fuck. He needs his rest." There was a long pause, and Hal was counting backwards from ten as she listened, her other hand resting on the gun at her hip. "Not from there you can't. And we've talked about that before. You wouldn't risk your own life for a little revenge, now would you?" Hal laughed nervously. No doubt Mello had mentioned his last moment of insanity, the one that had left him so disfigured.

The woman felt a little guilty for her attraction, but the blond boy was still very nice to look at, even with the scars on his face. She'd found herself wondering how far they went down, what the rest of his body looked like under that coat and leather pants. There was a predator, a dangerous man trapped in the body of a young boy that had been through more pain than most could imagine in their wildest nightmares. There was a desperate, likely insane genius who would let nothing and no one get in his way. He would have shot her if she'd refused his entry, was still threatening her life if she didn't hand the phone to his rival. But he was so pretty, even with the leather and gun, so exciting and mysterious. Did he have someone else somewhere? Was someone waiting for him, maybe back in England, that could erase that loneliness in his deep blue eyes? She would have given everything short of her position in the SPK to have a chance to put a little warmth back into that icy stare.

"Just hand me the fucking phone." It was rare to see Near stand, let alone to see him walk normally, but he'd quickly crossed the room to the older woman's side. He reached for the phone, glaring impatiently.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Hal groaned. The two were both demanding from her at once. It was like being caught in the middle of a catfight. That's all this really was. Two little felines, kittens really, hissing and spitting at each other, not two grown men able to have a civil conversation with someone they'd been raised with. "Shut the fuck up Mello." Hal handed over the phone, finally, Near's 'thank you' barely audible above Mello's giggling.

"Good evening, Mello. I must admit I was expecting this call later. Mello is inquiring as to whether or not I have decoded his clue. It shows great faith in my own skills that he would phone so soon." Near was gesturing for Hal to leave, not even bothering to speak to her as he walked back to his bed. The woman wasn't sure it was safe to leave them alone, even this far apart. Near had obviously been on the verge of some kind of breakdown, screaming as he had been. Had he been frightened from being threatened with the gun? He certainly seemed to be opposed to carrying one of his own, despite every member of the SPK (well, what was left of them) encouraging him to do so. But in light of Kira being able to kill with not much more than a thought and the stroke of a pen, that couldn't be it. What was it about Mello that bothered him so much? "Yes, she is still here. She is concerned for my safety...Well, Mello had pointed a gun at me. What would stop him from obtaining a death note and writing my name?" Pause, and then Near was turning to face the woman. "Hal, Mello would like to know if _you_ think he is capable of such a thing?"

"Alright, fine, I get the hint. I'll leave." What she'd wanted to say was that, yes, it was a possibility, but that was not what concerned her. If Mello planned on killing Near, he would have just done it. In her opinion, Kira was a coward. He killed without ever having to see his victims fall. Mello was no coward, had proved that many times, by this evening, by the time he'd showed up in her bathroom, by blowing up a building while standing inside it. No, Mello wouldn't use a death note to do his dirty work, out of mere pride. In a twisted way, one that would no doubt have her up for review, Hal respected this. She could still remember the few times her career had forced her to pull a trigger, and how it had affected her, even when she knew it was the right thing to do. Mello would not flinch, maybe he would feel remorse later, but he would do what must be done, at least in his eyes, and he would never hesitate or take the coward's way out.

Once the door was closed, Near could feel his defenses coming up around him, shielding him from Mello's taunting words. He took the time to notice that the voice had deepened, the English accent had been carefully erased as well. It must have been intentional, as it had been with Near. Foreigners were not well trusted in this country, and their identities were to be carefully kept secret. "Yes, she is gone. Yes, I did figure it out. The thirteen-day rule is the fake. It was quite obvious. How was Mello made aware of such a thing?" There was a low chuckle at the other end, a clearing of the throat. Mello took the time to carefully consider his answer, before coming up with the expected 'fuck you'. "Fine then. Mello does not need to tell me. From this I can gather that he did not have to solve a riddle as I did, as he would have given me the time in which he did so, and then proceeded to boast about it. Mello was given the information freely. By whom?" The same response yet again. "This is growing tiresome. If Mello merely wishes to curse at me, he may disconnect and do it alone. Maybe light some candles upon the altar, and pray for forgiveness while he is at it? I believe cursing is a sin. How many beads will Mello have to count for such words? I admit some ignorance where Catholicism is concerned. I never much cared for the subject. It has always reminded me too much of other nonsensical tales, meant only to frighten the wicked into behaving themselves."

Near expected the phone to click off, and when it didn't, he breathed a sigh of frustration. Normally insulting Mello's religion would end in fighting, or being ignored. It looked as if this was not going to work, that they might have to continue the conversation. The blond was laughing at him again, further frustrating the younger boy. What was so funny about that?

"You're such a fucking pussy Near. I can see straight through you. Right inside that twisted little mind game. You want me to go away, don't you? Well, I'm just not going to. Just to piss you off." Near could practically _hear_ the devilish grin in the voice, the tilting up of the corner of the mouth, the flash of teeth. The blond always reminded him of an animal when he spoke this way, a wolf, or a big cat perhaps. He could look at you, smile and say nothing, and you could see that he was imagining tearing your flesh apart, swallowing chunks whole while you screamed. But you wouldn't run. Not because you couldn't, but because you just didn't want to. Because as terrifying as that look was, as vicious as the blue eyes turning to slits seemed, the curve of those lips were so devastatingly gorgeous that you couldn't help but watch as he slaughtered you. You'd know that your demise would be as sweet as it was bitter, like chocolate.

"Then what does Mello want, other than to 'piss me off'? It will please him to know that it's working quite well." Near reached to his bedside table, picking up a brand new box of puzzles pieces. He set them on the floor, then lay on his stomach, working on the edges while he waited for a response.

"How many pieces? I heard the shaking." Anyone else might have been offended at realizing that the person on the other end was playing with toys while they argued, but not Mello. They'd had enough fights, even the physical ones, with Mello's fists shaking at his sides while Near clutched a transformer, or a rubber duck, or one of those infuriating Rubik's cubes.

"Mello did not call to ask about my toys. Mello called to talk about Kira. He is merely stalling. Is he ready to ask for my help?" Near found himself unable to find the last edge piece, was furiously searching the area for it. It had to be somewhere. They wouldn't just forget one. The younger boy began sorting pieces into piles by color and size, still unable to find the corner piece. Without the foundation, there was no point in finishing. If even one was missing, the other thousand were meaningless. He could put it all together, but it would never be done. It would just have to be thrown away. Hal would be phoning the company later to complain on his behalf. Hmm. No. This injustice deserved Near's own involvement. He would make the call. The teenager whined in frustration, kicking at the carefully arranged piles.

"Check the bottom of your sock." Was that a helpful suggestion? Near didn't bother wondering how Mello knew what was wrong. It wasn't the first time this had happened. Once, during a class, Mello had passed a folded up piece of paper, inside were two puzzle pieces and a note that read_ 'One in my pocket, the other stuck to my underwear...you freak. –Love, M'_ The younger boy almost giggled at the memory, stopping himself only because there was a grown up, angry version of the blond still on the phone. He would have liked to laugh about it, but his rival would just taunt him some more, ask him why he was thinking of such things. Mello loved to have control of him, and there was nothing like being on the safe side of unrequited affection. It was the ultimate kind of power. Besides, there was still the question as to whether or not the older boy was being helpful for once. It was a stranger thought than any other.

"Mello was right. He should not let that go to his head, however. It was a logical conclusion, one that I would no doubt have come to sooner or later." Mello laughed. It was ridiculous that the sound was more comforting than annoying. Near had always claimed to hate the sound, because it was usually followed by pain of some kind.

"No, you would have thrown the whole thing away, pouted for twelve hours, then made one of your lackeys dig it out after you discovered your missing piece was still attached to you." The blond had gone through this ritual hundreds of times, usually just digging the pieces from the trash himself to get the younger boy to stop looking so damn miserable. It wasn't that he felt bad or anything, it was just that that face was so annoying, and that Near wouldn't listen to a word he said for the rest of the day until the mystery was solved. Mello supposed he deserved this for all the times he made Near wait in bed while he finished writing an essay, or talking to L.

"Maybe so. Mello has still not answered my question." Ah, there. He still had the upper hand. Mello was carefully avoiding this talk, and Near was going to make him have it if it killed them both. It probably would. Mello would agree to come back, and then he would just shoot the two of them. But maybe something nice might happen first. Suddenly, it didn't seem to be such a good idea to lay on his stomach, as the pressure between his hips was making itself known, his body responding again to foolish memories. Near sat up, but leaning over to arrange the puzzle pieces cramped his neck, and every time he looked down he could _see_ the problem, as well as feel it.

"Eager much? What's the matter Near, you miss me already? Why do you keep moving around so much? Something wrong? Can't get comfy? You're breathing's all fucked up." Mello's voice deepened, dropped to a bare whisper. "I wonder what you're thinking about. I bet you wish you'd looked at my face, had a better mental image of me in my leathers. Yeah? I know you watched me leave, you paranoid little shit, bet you have cameras all over that place. You like what you saw? Wondering how far down the scar goes? I could tell you, but you probably want to see for yourself."

"It is quite strange that Mello would be so overtly flirting with me, considering the way in which he left." Near had almost not believed how much Mello had grown as he watched him straddle the bike, put on his helmet. He was taller, his shoulders had filled out. Even his hair was longer, and not quite so neatly cut. He looked much more like a man these days, than the boy Near remembered. The younger teen had barely changed since they parted, and wished he'd grown too, but had not expected that to happen. He would always be small. Surely this grown up Mello wouldn't desire _him_ anymore. What had he to offer? His hair was as it had always been, he still wore the same childish clothes. "In regards to Mello's apparel, it is highly undesirable. He looks like a prostitute. Or a stripper perhaps. There are many clubs that he would fit in around here. I'm sure Mello would turn quite a few heads in one of the bdsm establishments. Perhaps there are a few looking for applicants? It's obvious that Mello is no longer concerned with the cause, and he must be hard up for cash by now, seeing as how his wealthy associates are all deceased."

"What's the matter Near, you running out of willing participants? You have to resort to paying for it now? Sorry, I'm not in the market. Thanks for your concern about my financial situation, but I'm just fine." It had been a low blow, to suggest that Mello would sell himself for sex. Yes, he'd used his looks to his advantage on many occasions, but it barely took an effort, people had just been drawn to him, willing to say and do anything for him just because of his looks. Of course, all that was past. But he felt more than a small amount of joy at the thought that Near might be having a difficult time finding anyone who was willing to deal with his shit. The kid had a lot of issues, intimacy being one of them. The blond again wondered if the younger boy had a lover, how long it had been.

"Yes, it was stupid of me to suggest that Mello would sell his body. I imagine that there would be little to gain from it nowadays, anyway. I mean, after the explosion, Mello would have had to drop his rates considerably." Near had been shocked at just how extensive the scarring was, when he finally saw the older boy again. It was devastating, to see that angelic face marred by the healing burns. His first thought had been that it was fitting, almost karmic, that the blonde's sins had been etched into his face and neck. He _did_ wonder how far they went down, how Mello had survived such a trauma. He wanted to undress him, to trace his fingers over the rough edges, to feel out the difference between the scars and the perfect smoothness on the other side. It had always seemed like Mello was two halves of a different person, his temper changing like the winds. Yes, it suited Mello. And no, it made him no less attractive. In fact, Near was more drawn to him now than ever, felt the pull even this far away.

On the other end, the younger boy heard a crash, followed by cursing, and a scream of frustration. Then another crash, and someone else's voice far away, someone begging Mello to calm, telling him that Near wasn't worth hurting himself over. They were begging the blond to stop, to take a breath, to just hang up and forget about the childish insult. It wasn't true. Near was so full of shit he was too deep in it to see, and Mello was smarter than this, there was no need to be upset. "Goodbye Near." Matt. Mello's best friend, Mello's other half. Closer to him than even his lover, dearer to him.

The youngest of the three felt his blood begin to boil. That bastard! He left him for Matt, of all people! He wanted to accuse, wanted to ask the blond how long he had been screwing the redhead, if he was as good a fuck as Near had been, if he'd managed to keep his legs closed until after they left Wammy's or just moved on as soon as Near was out of the way. But the line was going dead, and again Near was left on his throne, mighty and powerful and chosen, but alone.

Fine. Let them have each other. He didn't need them. They meant nothing to him. He didn't need anyone. He was better than that. He was above the human animal, didn't need affection, companionship, sex. He didn't even need love, not that there was any of that left in either of them. The day Mello left, the last parts of Near that had been human were locked away, buried deep and left to rot. The way Mello had looked at him as he walked out of Roger's office, it had been obvious that the same could be said for the blond. The only thing that was left between them was vicious rivalry, and it seemed as if Near was winning again. He'd had the last word. That was all that counted.

* * *

By the time that the phone rang again, Near had almost convinced himself of the lies he repeated over and over. He wasn't lonely. He didn't miss the sound of Mello's voice, his laugh. He didn't need the temperamental bastard messing up his plans, getting in the way of his ultimate goal. Yes, Kira. That was what was important. Not love, not this empty feeling that grew until his stomach ached. Was this regret? Was this remorse? No, the fight had been no fault of his own. Just like the last time, he'd had every right to ask if he was being _used_, acting as a stand-in for L. Mello, the liar, the _slut_, had just seen a part of L in Near and couldn't have the real thing. He'd just been angry that he'd been caught in a lie. And now the traitor had gone so far as to begin sleeping with the third in line, just to dig the knife in deeper. Fuck that, Near didn't care. Mello could fuck whoever he wanted to.

"Thanks Near." There had always been a tinge of sarcasm polluting almost every word out of Matt's mouth, he was as jaded and angry as the rest of them, as quick to accuse and mistrust, maybe even more so. He was a liar and a cheater, and now a thief. These first words were more poisoned with that dry tone than usual, accusing. "Thanks so very fucking much, you bitter, disgusting little shit."

"Matt is very welcome. To what do I owe the honor of this call?" The two had never gotten along, not only because Mello wouldn't allow it, but because they were very, _very_ different people. Where Near was quiet, serious and thoughtful, Matt had a tendency to be loud and obnoxious, and had never cared much for intellectual conversations, even with his secure standing in third place. Where Near tended to lie, to twist his words until the meaning was so unclear that you didn't know you'd been brushed off or insulted until hours later, the redhead was either blatantly facetious, or plain blunt.

"You know, I wasn't even going to phone back. I was going to leave you alone with your thoughts, let the guilt and doubt about what Mello might be doing to himself eat at you until you got sick," more crashing, followed by the sound of a shower turning on. Near heard the redhead knock, heard his friend's dismissal from the other side of the door. "I was going to let it tear you up inside, but then I remembered that you're an unfeeling prick, that you wouldn't consider the consequences at all. So I'm here to tell you thanks, because Mello's in there, no doubt trying to scrub off his scars again, or maybe attempting to drown in the bath. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him he's still pretty, no, prettier than ever, he doesn't believe me. But of course he doesn't, yours are the only words that matter. I don't understand why, maybe it's because I don't swing that way, but it makes me sick to think that it's probably because he still loves you that you're able to hurt him so much."

"Mello has no feelings." If he did, he'd be with Near right now. He'd have never left. Surely he knew how the younger boy felt, he had left on purpose with the intent to destroy him.

"Would you pull your head out of your ass for just one minute please? Are you really that fucking stupid? Damn it, I think this whole L thing has to be rigged. How'd you make it to number one? Who's dick did you suck? Really. You have no idea how many times Mello has cried over you, how he still calls your name in his sleep. Do you know how many people would kill for it to be them? But it's you, I don't know _why_, but it is. Only you have the ability to make him feel so good, and then completely destroy his self esteem with a few words." Another knock, and this time there was no answer. Near heard the redhead sigh, heard the click of a lighter, a long inhale and exhale before the older boy spoke again. "I'd tell you to apologize, but it's fucking pointless. So in response to your question, I'm only here to let you know that that was it, that is the last time I'll allow Mello to have anything to do with you. I won't let you ruin all the months I've spent piecing him back together. I won't let you take away what little love he has left for himself, if there's anything there at all. If it kills me, I'll make him forget you."

"It seems as if Mello has already forgotten me. How does Matt feel, knowing that he possesses my leftovers? Is it as good, knowing that I got there first?" There was a laugh, then the sound of the receiver repeatedly hitting a hard surface. Near pulled the phone away from his ear. How mature.

"You think I'm fucking him? Are you out of your goddamned mind? He's like my brother, Near. I mean, we all grew up together, so he's kind of like your brother too, and that never seemed to bother him, but it certainly doesn't do it for me. Even if I could get past that, I'm fucking straight retard. Did you ever see me with a boy, even once?"

"Mello is...was very beautiful. He could easily pass for a female." Somehow, the idea that Matt wouldn't admit to finding Mello attractive was bothersome. Even if he was straight, as he said, the blond was far too beautiful not to notice. He could change anyone's mind.

"No, asshole. You had it right the first time. Mello _is_ very beautiful. I don't know what crawled up your ass and died, but I know you still look at him, still just think about him and want to fuck him. Don't even try to deny it you lying prick. You only said that shit to hurt him. I'm actually disappointed. I've always thought you were a bastard, but this is fucking pathetic. What gives you the right to do that to him? After all you've already done, how much you hurt him, and you just gotta twist the knife a little more. His self worth is measured by your opinion, and you damn well know it. If you don't love him, then no one else's opinion matters."

"Mello left me. I was more than willing to stay, but he left me. I will not tolerate any more accusations. _He_ left _me_." The more he said it, the more he could be convinced. Mello left, he ran away, couldn't face Near with the grief of L's death, was too selfishly involved with his own pain to think of another's. Near missed L too.

"Yeah, and why is that? If I remember correctly, and there's no doubt I do, it was _your_ fault, _your_ accusation that pushed him away. What's the matter Near? Too busy pretending to be L to remember what you did? Let me help, alright? I know your big brain is too preoccupied with 'important' stuff, so let me spell it out for you. You told your lover, the boy who let you fuck him whenever you wanted, the boy that said 'I love you' a thousand times a day, that you didn't believe his feelings were genuine. You accused _him_ of not caring, of really wanting someone else, of treating you like the next best thing. Mello loved L like a father, looked up to him. But you, _you_ were the one he was in love with, is _still_ in love with. He came to you every chance he got, spent all his spare time ignoring everything else just so he could bend over for you. You treated him like dirt, like a fucking blow up doll. You never said it back; you never even kissed him first. What, he was good enough to put your hands all over him when you wanted to get some but not good enough to just hold his fucking hand? And now you have the fucking balls to take away the one thing he thought he had. He was never smart enough to beat you, but he was _so_ pretty, and you wanted him all the time, couldn't keep your goddamn hands off of him. He couldn't match wits with you, couldn't achieve a higher score, but if he smiled just right, if he took off his clothes and let you have his body, then you wanted him, needed him. Now he doesn't even have that. Thanks to you, the only thing that he felt he had left is gone. If he's not pretty, then he's nothing, right?"

"Mello's self worth is of no concern to me. He did not consider how I felt when ignored in favor of our fallen mentor. He did not think of how I would feel when left alone to take on the L title, which, incidentally, I offered to share with him. He didn't think that maybe some of the members of the SPK that he murdered might be close to me. He most certainly did not think of me when he fucking blew himself up, let me think he may have died. So yes, the scars _do_ bother me. I was not merely attempting to belittle him." Near was a fantastic liar, and he could tell by the deep, even breaths that Matt was taking that his words had sounded sincere. The truth was, the scars actually made Mello that much more beautiful because they were able to show the younger boy that Mello was more fragile than he seemed, that his life could have easily been lost. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder, because that night, when Near thought that Mello had died, he loved him more than he ever had. He missed him more than he ever imagined he could, and each time that he saw the scars he was reminded of what he'd almost lost, how easily the blond could be taken from him forever. Even if they never spoke again, it would be enough to know that Mello was alive.

"Alright, that's it. Fuck this. You know what, I don't even know why I called. I was hoping maybe you just didn't see what you were doing; maybe I could turn this around. I was wrong. I was _so_ wrong. You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a human being. You're nothing _at all_ compared to him and you fucking know it. What's the matter, was he starting to outshine you again? You have to knock him down a peg or two? I just hope someday you'll look back, and realize the mistakes you've made. Yeah, so you're satisfied with your life now, great. You'll beat Kira, and everyone will fucking cheer. Then they'll start to forget, until the next one comes along, and make no mistake; there will be another, even if Mello and I don't live to see it. Then you'll have that one too, and then the next, and so on, until you retire from it. Some day you're just going to be a lonely little old man with nothing but your memories. Anybody left around that can tolerate your miserable ass is going to ask about your life someday, what you did with it. And I can guarantee the first question isn't going to be about what boring shit you did to earn a living, they'll want to know if you ever fell in love, and who it was with. They'll want to know what happened to Mello, and you know what your answer is going to be? You were too fucking stubborn and self-centered to say two little words, so you lost it all. So good luck, I hope you lead a long and healthy life. Just don't be surprised when no one cares what you have to say about it on your death bed."


	2. Just Go Away

JUST GO AWAY

Just when Matt was about to break down the bathroom door, the handle turned, revealing a very wet Mello, dressed as usual. Aside from his hair hanging wet and dripping in his eyes, there wasn't much different about his appearance. In fact, anyone but the redhead would have taken a few steps back at seeing the expression on his face. His blue eyes were narrowed to slits; his hand was firmly on the butt of his gun that peeked over his waistband. But Matt knew better, Mello was just trying to scare him away so he could be left alone to hurt himself some more.

It was obvious, not just from the look on his face, or the weaponry, or even the redness in his eyes. There was plenty of bare skin visible in the outfit, and it was all scrubbed red and raw, bleeding in some places. There were long lines that might have looked like fingernail marks to the casual observer, but Matt knew better. He'd been wondering where the brillo pads were going, when Mello's scars had first started to heal. He'd even tried to lie to himself when he saw one of them on the shower floor, until one night, when he just couldn't wait for his prissy friend to finish showering. The redhead had needed to piss for almost an hour, and was in no mood to wait. It wouldn't matter if he just walked in, they'd seen it all before. The shower curtain was just sheer enough to see the outline of the blond, and Matt had tried to start a casual conversation while he finished up. Just a simple 'hey, what's up', but when no response was given, he stood by the shower, listening to the teenager trying desperately to conceal the shakiness of his voice, to cover up the sniffling.

The redhead couldn't stand it anymore, and had thrown the shower curtain back. It wasn't like they'd never seen each other naked before. Mello did nothing to cover the important parts, only lowering his head and concealing the scarred side of his face with the strands of soaked blond hair. Almost every inch of the older boy had been scrubbed raw, rivers of blood drained down the shower. Matt had climbed in with him, completely clothed, picking the blond up and carrying him to bed.

Matt had been the one to dig his friend out of the wreckage after the explosion, to help him heal. He had not felt the need to be sick then, had handled it like a professional. But something about Mello doing _this_ to himself was much, much worse. Matt had felt the bile rising in his throat, and wanted to look away, to walk out, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even though Mello knew that his friend was not attracted to him, had never been and never would be, leaving would make him feel that much worse. The redhead knew the cause of this, knew that his friend wasn't vain but valued his good looks as an asset. Just another tool to get what he needed.

At first, Mello wouldn't look at him, would scream and hit him when he tried to bandage some of the worst of it. Then he lay there and cried, mourning the loss of what he felt was all that he had left. He'd never been smart enough but he had one thing that Near didn't. He was beautiful, and no one could deny it. Matt had spent months trying to reassure him that he was still pretty, no, prettier. More dangerous looking, but still gorgeous. He'd almost had him convinced until now.

"Damn it, Mello. He's not worth it." Matt held a hand out, but Mello brushed past him on the way to the kitchen. "I dumped it all." He called out but the blond ignored him as he rummaged through the cupboards. After several minutes, he produced a nearly empty bottle of vodka and a single shot glass. There was only about a quarter of the fifth left but it would suit its purpose. He poured the shot, sliding it across the table. Then he began to drink straight from the bottle. "I suppose that's for me, huh? Thanks. I don't think this is the best time though."

"It hurts." While Mello was healing, lying in bed, trying to brave through the pain and fear that he might die, Matt had acquired some painkillers to help, but quickly switched to liquor. For some reason, the pills made Mello sick, and he seemed to enjoy the booze better. It relaxed him, made him a little happier, and helped him sleep. So it had been allowed, until the redhead noticed a pattern. Even when the blond was beginning to heal, he would drink excessively. Those were the nights that the dreams were most vivid too, the older boy calling out a name he wouldn't even let Matt speak most days. So the redhead had done what any good friend would do, and gotten rid of all of it. Or so he'd thought. Sneaky little fuck.

"I know mate. But you didn't have to do that to yourself." Mello raised an eyebrow. "Oh. This isn't what hurts, is it?" Matt had come to sit by his friend, to inspect the damage. Mello shook his head. The redhead pointed to his chest, his heart, and the blond turned away. "This hurts, huh? I'm sorry, but I just don't understand what you see in him. All he does is hurt you. And he's not even worth it. You could have so much better."

"Just go, please…just leave." Mello took another drink, swallowing the liquor as if it were water, as if it cooled and healed. His hand came up to rest on his scarred cheek, and his fingers were shaking as they traced the raised flesh. Matt would never ask, but he knew that Mello could barely feel any sensation there, and wondered what that was like.

"Sorry, but no. It's bad enough that I haven't tried to disarm you yet. I don't think I'll be leaving you alone any time soon." What had been left of the bottle of vodka had been drained, and Mello threw the empty at the wall, barely missing his friend's head. When it shattered, it was Mello that flinched. Then his head fell onto the table, and his arms went over it, shielding him as he began to sob. "He's not worth it."

"No! No he's not! He's a bastard and I hate him and I hope he fucking rots in that place!" Finally, Matt was allowed to offer what little comfort he could. He pulled a chair next to the blond, wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"You're a shit liar Mello. Always have been. It's the only thing about you that doesn't remind me of L." If possible, the blonde's sobs grew louder. "Sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned him. And you can hit me if you want, but that's actually the only thing that Near has that you don't. He's an excellent liar. I was almost convinced."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" The redhead sighed. Was he really about to say something good about Near? Was he really about to encourage this...fucked up relationship?

"He was lying. As usual, the little brat was lying. He didn't mean a word of what he said." Mello was trying to free himself from the younger man's arms, but Matt held on tighter. "You know how I feel about this whole thing, so I wouldn't be saying it if it weren't the truth. I don't want you to ever see him again, and I hope you can give up on this, you really do deserve better. But that little shit _does_ care for you, in his own twisted way. And no one could look at you and not think you're fucking gorgeous. I never thought Near was going to get fucked when we were kids, he was pretty much asexual as far as I could tell. He's not gay, or straight, that's for sure. He never looked at anyone until you. You're so goddamned pretty you turned him... err, Mello-sexual. Hell, if I could get past the fact that you have a dick, you might convince _me_. And when have _I_ looked at another dude?" The redhead thought his friend might have laughed at this, but he couldn't be sure. The blond still wouldn't raise his head from the table. "You really are two halves of Lawliet's whole. You both think the other is at fault for the big break up, and neither one of you wants to be wrong. Of course, you _are_ right, and I'm not just saying that 'cause you're my best friend and I hate that freak. What he said was awful, and you shouldn't forgive him. You should just forget all about him. But you can't, can you?"

Mello finally lifted his head up, shaking it. "I'm so fucking stupid. He's everything that's wrong with my life, and I..."

"Yeah, you are stupid. You love him, I know. But he's a bigger idiot for not letting go of his pride. Hell, I think he might be more insecure than _you_, which is pretty much incredible." Mello slapped Matt, and the redhead felt a little hope when it actually stung. If the blond was feeling violent, then things weren't so bad. If Matt had to be the punching bag, so be it. He preferred that over seeing his hero so weakened. Aside from the whole attraction to a midget asshole, the blond was everything Matt looked up to and admired, what kept him from losing all faith in humanity. If there were people like Mello in the world, it was worth sticking around. Matt left the table, going to get a new bar of chocolate from the refrigerator. "Here, you should eat something, soak up some of that liquor. Chilled to perfection, I'd say."

Mello always chilled his treats, it made them snap better. The blond quickly unwrapped the bar, testing the temperature with his tongue before snapping off a piece. He was smiling. "Why can't I just fuck you? You obviously love me, despite _this_." The blond gestured to his scars, as he leaned in closer to his friend. Shit. Maybe he wasn't handling the drink as well as Matt had thought.

"Hey now, that's just the vodka talking. I explained that already. I think you're hot as hell, and if you didn't have a cock, I'd be all over that. But, you're kinda a boy, and you're like my brother dude. I do love you though." After Mello and Near had split, Matt had considered it, initiated a more than friendly touch once or twice, hoping to help him forget his former flame, though he still couldn't help but see the blond as a brother, as a friend that he respected much more than the string of girlfriends he'd had. And Mello wasn't really into it, if it wasn't with his rival. It was twisted and sick, in Matt's opinion, and Mello deserved much better, but he just couldn't seem to get over it.

"I love you too." Mello sat back, patted his friend's thigh. "I'm sorry. That was really fucking stupid of me. Maybe he's right; maybe I am just a slut. Oh, god, I can't believe I even thought about doing that!" The younger boy raised an eyebrow, brought a hand to his chest in mock offense. "Not that there's anything wrong with you. But, you know." The blond sighed, banged his forehead against the table. "How do I get rid of it? I don't want it anymore." Mello was peering at Matt behind the hand over his face. He managed to look about five years old again, even dressed as he was, even with the scars. It was...cute.

They sat in silence, the blond desperately trying to come up with a way to rid himself of his affections, to just forget Near. Matt watched, for once unable to even make a joke, crack a smile. This was serious. There was just no way that his friend was getting around it, and it was going to end up with him dead. Near was all the blond spoke about. When he was awake, it was how much he hated him, what a fucking prick he was, how he'd just love to get alone with him long enough to put a bullet between his already lifeless eyes. But asleep, it was another story entirely. Matt had had to admit that at first it was strange sharing a bed, even after having done so for so many years, but it was nice not to be alone.

It wasn't like Matt didn't have dates still, at least at first, until Mello decided that the redhead's time was his and his alone, and the younger boy stopped trying to sneak them in. For once, it was comforting to have a warm body to snuggle up to, which the redhead blamed totally on the affectionate older boy. It was nice to have his best friend back, until the first night he'd woken up because he'd thought something was wrong. He turned to see Mello shaking, sweating, mumbling in his sleep. He'd looked almost feverish, until he began to squirm under the blankets, until Matt had noticed that Mello's hand had traveled between his legs, and that he was speaking Near's name. That had been disturbing enough, but other nights the blond would start out the same, only to end up crying.

Matt always knew better than to wake his friend, knew that whatever he was dreaming of was preferable to real life, even when there were tears. And Mello would be so angry if the redhead confronted him about it. It had been months, and the blond was growing more and more depressed. Without the constant demands of the Mafia to keep him entertained, without a solid lead on Kira, he had all the time in the world to think about the old days, to mourn the loss of the relationship. The redhead hated to admit it, but it hadn't been all bad. They'd actually had somewhat of a good thing going for awhile, up until Near's final accusation. They'd been almost disgustingly happy for about a year, between the usual fights of course. Even the arguments were less and less frequent as they spent more of their time together. Hell, the blond was barely even starting fights with his other peers. He was deliriously happy. It would have been gross, but it was almost kind of cute. Alright, it was very cute. Matt found himself becoming jealous, not of Near, or Mello, but of what they shared. He'd never found a girl that he felt that way about. It wasn't fair.

* * *

So Matt had warned him that this was a bad idea. He'd said that Near couldn't possibly keep this up for very long, that the thrill of it would wear off soon, and he would be disappointed. It was just a fling, just relieving years of tension from fighting and competing. Mello was just losing his mind from not having slept since Near arrived at Wammy's. Any one of these things might be true, hell, it might not last until the next day, let alone as long as the blond was hoping. But it just felt so good.

At first, it was all about sex. It was about stripping as fast as they could, not once taking their hands off of each other's bodies. It was about making time for it between an exam, getting even less sleep so they could do it once more. It was thrilling, having something this wrong to hide from everyone. And to top it all off, it felt really, really good.

But then, Mello found himself thinking about his rival more often, almost constantly in fact. He found himself watching the boy from across the room, ignoring his own work in favor of appreciating the way the younger boy held his pen, becoming jealous of Near's fingers as they twirled his hair. He could look at the boy and see him naked, sweating, and in those eyes that everyone always described as 'eerie' or 'empty', he could see the emotions, the affection that they held when they looked into his own. This was starting to become more than a passing attraction, more than that 'first time' that every one else seemed to just forget about and move on.

Mello couldn't imagine not remembering the first time, even though it had been somewhat traumatic. That was when the younger boy was still treating him like the enemy after, rolling over and barely muttering a word before falling asleep. The blond had left in a rush that night, going back to his own room to shower and try to sleep. The experience had been over too fast in his opinion, leaving the older boy with only a mess and some very conflicting emotions. He'd lost his virginity, with a man at that. But yet, his faith was not the first concern. So he was unmarried, so he had let his sworn rival touch him where only a spouse was supposed to go. Sex was supposed to be sacred, special. Instead, his first time had been angry, starting out as a fight and ending up with him bent over, face pressed into a pillow. But none of that really mattered, because the worst part was that his skin practically itched with the need to touch Near again. He'd tried to wash off the feeling, but it just wouldn't go away. He wanted to do it again, maybe this time spend longer kissing first, and maybe fall asleep beside him after.

Every time after that it happened, they spent longer together, until one night Mello was allowed to stay. That had been what really made him realize that he was _in love_ with Near. The younger boy had fallen asleep on his chest, an arm around Mello's waist. He'd been muttering incoherently afterwards for a while, and the blond had caught the compliment jumbled with the rest of his words. He'd said how beautiful the older boy was, how he loved to watch his pretty face as he 'gave him pleasure'. Near was always so careful with his speech, clinical in his descriptions. But he'd just kept saying that Mello was beautiful, Mello was a wonderful challenge, Mello was so soft and pretty and he'd like to hold him and kiss him all night.

The next day, the blond had been full of energy, deliriously happy. He'd come bouncing into the room he shared with Matt, saying how proud he was of Near that day for something he'd done in one of their classes. It was no surprise when Near was the first to answer a difficult question, to solve a puzzle while everyone else sat confused. Usually this only enraged the blond, but Near had looked so damn cute, quietly raising a hand while the other was tangled up in his hair. He even had that little satisfied smirk when the professor had said that he was correct as usual. Mello hadn't beat him to it, though he'd known the answer too. He wasn't about to tell his redheaded friend, but he'd purposely remained silent to allow Near the satisfaction. He was going to have to congratulate him later, maybe give him a little special attention for his genius. Something about that brilliant mind of his was really turning Mello on, who was growing impatient to get back to the younger boy's room as he packed a few things in a bag.

Matt raised an eyebrow when he saw the things Mello packed, the toothbrush, the comb, a little squeeze tube of something he'd never had to use but knew exactly what it contained. "Mello, are you suggesting that you're _happy_ that Near beat you today? I know you're fuck buddies now, but really, you hate that. Remember?"

"I just like to give credit where credit's due. That was amazing, you have to admit. It took him like, twelve seconds. The rest of us were stumped. Did you see his face? He's so cute when he does that." Matt shrugged. "Come on, you know the thing. His eyes get all wide and the corner of his mouth turns up. His lips are so soft, you have no idea. God, I love his mouth."

"Hey dude, whatever floats your boat, you know I'm cool with this Near thing, but seriously, aren't you supposed to be _competing_ with him? I bet you'd have got that even faster if you hadn't been too busy staring at your boyfriend." Mello rolled his eyes, lightly punching his friend in the arm. "Ouch. Alright, fine. My bad. Near is a freaking genius. He's awesome." The redhead's words were dripping with sarcasm. He still could not believe that his friend was so head over heels for the little asshole. Usually, the slightest turn in Near's favor regarding their scores sent Mello into a deep depression, or caused a screaming fit. But here he was, humming some unrecognizable tune to himself and bouncing around the room. "Dude, your blond is showing. Have you had your chocolate today, mate? I know how you get when you haven't had your fix. Let's go get you a candy bar or something. You'll feel better, I promise."

"No time. Near will be getting to his room any minute. He lost a piece of his transformer in class today. He was still looking for it when I left. I hope he found it. That one's his favorite." Mello smiled proudly. He'd bought that one for the younger boy, and Near had been carrying it around since. He'd said that it was his favorite dozens of times. Mello could still remember the way he'd been thanked for buying the toy. Near was really a very considerate lover.

"Alright dude. I'll just be sitting here, playing Mario Kart and trying to not think about what you're doing in there." The redhead waited to be punched again, or have Mello launch into a rant about how he shouldn't take the relationship so lightly, how he and Near had something special. But the blond just smiled, waved, then blew a kiss goodbye. It was kind of cute. Creepy, but cute.

* * *

"Mello is early." Near was sitting on the floor, making his transformer fly over his head. He'd paused in the action to meet the blonde's eyes as he spoke. That was a new thing. Near rarely met anyone's eyes when he spoke. But Mello was special. "I found it, thank you."

It seemed that the younger boy could really read minds some days. The blond had just been about to express his happiness over the fact, but had been beaten to it. "It's your favorite. I think you like it more than me." The blond faked a pout, setting his belongings on a chair. He sat next to the albino, watching him play with his toy. It might be hours before he became bored with it.

"Mello is wrong. Mello is my favorite." The blond blushed, turning his head away to hide the reaction. But Near was fascinated with such things. He dropped his toy, tucked some of Mello's hair behind his ear to better see the redness in his cheeks. "Is Mello embarrassed? I was only trying to give him a compliment. Does Mello not believe me? I spoke the truth. I enjoy his company much more than any of my toys or games." Near stroked the blonde's cheek with the back of his hand, making the older boy sigh and lean into the touch.

"Near is my favorite too." Mello giggled when the younger boy began to curl a lock of blond hair around his fingers as he kissed the older boy's cheek. "You're very affectionate today." The corner of Near's lips curved into that mischievous smile, and then Near was pulling Mello down to lay with him on the floor. He kissed the corner of Mello's mouth, then licked his bottom lip. The blond tried to kiss back, to nudge the younger boy's lips open with his tongue, but Near was already kissing his way down the blonde's neck, nibbling at his earlobe. Mello pushed his knee between the younger boy's legs, and Near bit down on his collar bone, then sucked at the sensitive flesh.

"Mello is very...aggressive today. Not in an entirely unpleasant way I must admit. For once." There was another wonderful thing that their relationship had brought out in the albino. He made jokes. Not the usual dry sarcastic kind, the ones that could eat away at self-confidence, or make Mello want to punch him. Near teased, _laughed_, on a regular basis. But only when they were alone. It was as if he was comfortable enough with the blond to really be himself, the way he was afraid to be around the rest of their peers.

"Ass." The blond responded, grinding his knee between the younger boy's legs. Near sighed, pushed into the touch. At the same time, he reached behind Mello, squeezing his ass through his skintight jeans. "Oh, very funny."

"Mello does not enjoy my sense of humor? He wishes for me to be more serious?" Near didn't wait for a response, kissing the blond before he could tease back. Mello began unbuttoning the pajama top, the position of his knee making Near moan into his mouth. He was more vocal than the blond had would have ever expected him to be. He rarely spoke when they were having sex, but he made such cute little noises.

Near had slid his hand up the back of Mello's t-shirt, running a finger along his spine. The blonde shivered, chilled by the younger boy's cold hand. Mello tugged the pajama top off of one of Near's arms, whining when he couldn't remove the rest of it. Near was busy undoing the fly of Mello's jeans, and he smirked when the older boy pouted at him. "Now who's rushing?"

"Mello." Near's hand slipped into the blonde's jeans, his chilly fingers wrapping around the older boy's erection. "No underwear. It is almost as if Mello was anticipating getting nude in a hurry." The blonde's head fell against Near's shoulder, licked and sucked on the smooth white skin.

"You never wear it either." Mello said, tugging at the waistband of the pajama bottoms. Near lifted his hips, allowing the older boy to yank the pants off of them. The blond sat up then, taking his jeans off, then straddling Near's hips. The albino pushed himself into a sitting position, shrugging out of his top and yanking Mello's own over his head. They kissed, the older boy allowing Near to take control as he ground his ass against his lover's erection. They had spent the night together, had sex just that morning before class, but it had still been too long.

"Mello is impatient." The blond took Near's hand, guiding it back to his erection. Near smiled, gently, slowly stroking, knowing that this drove his lover crazy. The younger boy liked to take his time, to soak up every sensation and reaction, but the blond seemed to always be pushing him, making him go faster, harder, to orgasm as quick as possible.

The blond pushed Near onto his back, kissing his neck, biting his collarbones. He teased the younger boy, licking his way down his chest and stomach, his hair tickling that smooth porcelain skin. The other children always taunted the boy for it, telling him that he wouldn't look so much like the dead if he'd just go out in the sun once in a while. Mello always wondered why a group of supposed geniuses hadn't noticed how sensitive to sun the older boy was. "Funny statement for the boy who's practically pushing my head towards his dick." Mello looked up when Near released the handful of hair he'd held loosely, surprised that he had listened so quickly. It was difficult to tease the younger boy, because he always thought and spoke so literally.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to cause any discomfort." The blond raked his nails down Near's chest, over his stomach as he licked the tip of the albino's erection. The younger boy's hand had made it's way back into Mello's hair, this time only running his fingers through it slowly, while his other hand balled up into a fist at his side. The blond noticed that Near's cheeks were turning red as he watched Mello take his erection into his mouth. So that was why he was playing with his hair, he was trying to keep it out of the way so he could watch. Mello always took great pleasure in the fact that his former rival seemed a bit nervous when the attention was all on him. It was a new side of Near, seeing him confused at what to say or do. It made the blond feel like he was in total control for once, had the upper hand. But he had no desire to 'beat' Near in the bedroom, he was just happy to have proof that the younger boy wasn't as arrogant and self centered as everyone seemed to think, that he'd much rather be pleasing Mello. Still, with the older boy's warm mouth around his dick, the albino was not protesting in the least.

The blond lifted his head up long enough to grab Near's hand, sucking on his index and middle fingers, bringing his arm around to his back. Near looked at him in confusion, but Mello had faith that he would get the hint. And he did, pushing himself back up into a sitting position as Mello continued his previous attentions. The blond had to concentrate very hard on not scraping his teeth against the younger boy's erection when the first finger pushed into his ass, slowly working it's way in and out. Mello increased his pace, having to hold the albino's hips down to keep from being choked. Now that Near was able to please the blond, he was losing his control, moaning loudly and squirming under the older boy. When the albino added the second finger, quickening the pace of the thrusts and finding Mello's prostate, the blond lifted his head again. "Oh, god, Near."

"Which of us...is Mello...addressing?" Near questioned between pants, not regretting the loss of Mello's mouth on his dick, because it had been done so the older boy could tell him how good this felt. The albino continued, feeling the swell of pride when his lover was not able to respond. "Mello's breathing is becoming erratic. Is Mello alright? I should stop."

"Near..." Mello whined when the fingers were removed so that the younger boy could gently squeeze his hip, trying to regain his attention. The blond crawled into his lap, nuzzling his neck, breathing in that clean smell of soap. Everything about the younger boy was pristine, white and clean. Mello was all bitter chocolate and grass stained knees. The albino had begun to complain that he smelt of Matt's cigarettes sometimes, so he always changed before coming to their nightly rendezvous. The other children had noticed Near's frequent absences, his sneezing and sniffling, how he rarely ate in front of them. Near was allergic to _everything_, so had to be careful of what he surrounded himself with. Matt had been 'convinced' to smoke out of the window or outside, so the smell didn't cling to the blonde's belongings.

"Mello is tickling me." The older boy had his hands in Near's hair, gently tugging them as he pressed his nose into the younger boy's neck, his breath warm breath making Near shiver. "Mello is doing this on purpose." The blond nipped at his lover's throat, delighting in the small red mark he left, a perfect imprint of his teeth. No one dared ask the number one contender where all the marks were coming from, though Mello could tell that he was somewhat embarrassed about them at first. The blond had taught Near how to apply make up to them, concealing his love bites. Lately, the younger boy had seemed to stop caring, to wear the marks with pride. Mello still hid his, not because he was ashamed, more just to further confuse the population of the orphanage. Considering the reputation of his redheaded friend, Matt was the top choice where the rumors over who Near was sleeping with were made. He violently denied this, made an extra effort to avoid Near. Ah, chaos.

Near took a handful of Mello's hair, pulling his head to the side, leaving his own imprint of teeth over each collarbone, on both sides of the neck. He bit down harder, and Mello was grinding his ass into the younger boy's erection, tilting his head farther, begging for more. The first time the albino had done this, he'd been confused at how pain could be felt as pleasure, how the idea of being marked could feel so good. But then Mello had showed him, and he understood. It should have hurt; it might have if the lips and teeth had belonged to someone else, if their owner hadn't been naked and sweating above him. "Mello would like Near to quit teasing and make love to him."

"If Mello wishes to engage in sexual intercourse, then he should get his beautiful ass onto my bed." Mello laughed. It was strange how he could use such clinical terms, then revert to such dirty language in one breath. That had been Mello's fault, who'd just barely broken the boy of using words like 'penis' and (ugh) 'anus' and other such textbook descriptions. He still wouldn't refer to what they did as making love, but not because he didn't care for the blond, more because it was too figurative a term. He'd said it himself, and it had been the closest to romantic that he'd ever spoken to the blond. He'd said that you couldn't _make_ love, it was just there, it either was, or it wasn't. Love was a feeling, and emotions were impossible to just force upon oneself.

"Why bother? We're here, and we're both ready..." the blond purred, but he already knew the answer. Mello liked to think that the reason was more romantic than just the floor hurting their backs and knees, of the bed being squishy and comfortable. It might be only that, but the albino rarely liked to have sex anywhere but a bed, even on the days when Mello couldn't wait that extra few seconds, when they'd already waited all damn day.

"If Mello does not wish to have intercourse, that is his decision." The blond rolled his eyes, climbing out of Near's lap, swaying his hips as he slowly made his way to the bed. Fine, two could play this game. Maybe he would just not let Near have it. "Mello is so beautiful." The older boy had laid out on his back, tracing his fingers over his chest and stomach, watching those gray eyes widen, that smirk turn softer. Near just watched for a few moments, memorizing every detail of his lover. The blond toyed with a nipple, scraping a nail across it, pinching lightly. Near was fascinated with the pale pink buds of flesh, spent agonizing moments playing with them. "Mello has very feminine erogenous zones." Thank you, human development. The blond wished they'd both skipped out on that, ever since the first few lessons they'd sat through, the younger boy had been experimenting with him, finding all the spots that caused the blond to whimper, to beg. A lot of them were considered more feminine, and Mello was teased relentlessly for it.

"Is Near so lazy that he's just going to watch me play with myself?" Mello teased, one hand petting just below his navel. His stomach was highly sensitive, and Near had watched one day, fascinated, as Mello absentmindedly ran his hand under his shirt while reading a book. His legs had started out crossed as he lay on his back, but they were falling open as the hand drifted under his waistband, still reading even as he undid the button, slid down the zipper. Near sat close by, dropping his toys to watch Mello jerk himself off, his eyes still quickly scanning the pages, the lips that had been silently mouthing the words had fallen open, his tongue darting out to wetten them. Just as his eyelids had started to flutter shut, the albino couldn't stand it anymore, asked him what he was doing. The blond rolled over, hiding the blush with his hair, reading aloud to stop any further conversation. But Near wouldn't let it go, asking what was so stimulating about studying. Mello refused to answer, but the albino soon realized that intelligent conversation had the same effect.

"I like to watch Mello pleasure himself. I am given insight into what he enjoys most this way. It helps me to become a better partner." Mello crooked a finger, motioning his lover to the bed. Near complied, laying a hand over the blonde's, pushing it down between his legs. "Please do not stop. Mello looks very pretty." The blond complied, his eyes closing as he fingered himself, his hips raising completely up off the bed, knees bending, toes curling.

He hadn't even noticed when the albino left him again, long enough to retrieve the lube out of Mello's overnight bag. He sat between the older boy's legs, kissing his way up each one, pushing them apart. Mello's eyes opened again when he heard the younger boy sigh contentedly, saw him spreading the lubricant over his erection. The blond had been about to come from his own attentions, whining when he extracted his fingers, grasping the younger boy's dick. "Let me help." He stroked the younger boy, and Near pulled one of those gorgeous tanned legs up over his shoulder as the blond positioned him between his legs.

"Is Mello adequately prepared?" Near was always so careful not to hurt Mello, after the first time, when the initial penetration had caused his eyes to well up with tears. They'd both been aware that it would be uncomfortable, but had rushed into it with not quite enough preparation, making the older boy sore for several days. Not unpleasantly so, Mello had sworn, but ever since the younger boy had been obsessively gentle, constantly asking if Mello was ok. Now, the blond was just nodding, the muscles in his thighs tensing, the leg on Near's shoulder shaking even as he pushed the tip of Near's dick into his ass.

Mello put a hand on the younger boy's back, pushing him forward, unbalancing him. Then Mello was almost completely impaled, raising his hips up, wanting his lover in as deep as possible. "Move, damn it." Near did as he was asked, slowly pulling out, pushing back in. It wasn't enough. "Near..." The blond whined. Then the albino struck the blonde's prostate, silencing any further complaints as the older boy bit hard on his own lip.

"Is Mello alright?" Near asked, pulling out again, almost completely. He hit Mello's spot with every thrust, pushing his tanned leg up towards his head with a hand on the back of his thigh. Mello clawed at his back, his other leg tangling around one of Near's, his toes curling and uncurling. Near thought this was strangely cute, and told Mello so, then kissed him, pausing in his movements to fully enjoy the sensation of those pretty, soft lips against his own. Yes, Mello was very feminine. His bottom lip was fuller than most boys, sticking out in an almost constant pout that made him look rather girly, or childish.

"I love you." The blond whispered into the younger boy's ear as he came, nipping the lobe, his leg falling down to his thigh as Near braced himself with his palms against the bed, now thrusting harder, faster, as the blonde's inner muscles threatened to hold him inside, squeezing until it was almost painful with the spasms of climax.

Near never said it back, not once. But the blond couldn't take offense, knew that his lover was always uncomfortable with emotions. He could see the affection in his gray eyes, still wide open as he came inside the blond, pulling out quickly before falling against his chest. "Mello is beautiful," he said over and over, wrapping his arms around the blond and pulling him onto his side. Mello stroked soft white curls, Near moving his head closer, already falling asleep with his face pressed under the older boy's chin. "Mello is so pretty."

It ended like this for months, falling asleep together, both physically and emotionally sated. Of course Mello would have to leave in the morning, shower and change in his own room before the rest of the orphanage woke. It had to be kept a secret. But that was ok, it was wonderful in fact. This was their secret, not because it was something to be ashamed of, but because it felt so good to share something that no one else could have. It might cheapen it if it were to be exposed, might make it less sacred. Mello was reminded that the feeling was similar to that when he prayed, locking himself in his bedroom, going to church at odd hours to have that few minutes of peace that no one could touch. This was his and his alone, and it would not be ruined by outsiders that couldn't possibly understand how sacred it was. Love was not something that needed to be flaunted, just like religion. It should be kept safe, shared only between the two of them, every moment appreciated because it could be the last.

Back then, Mello had felt like it could never end. Nothing between them could be ruined by a discovery, by a fight. They would never part, they would never hurt each other again. In hindsight, he supposed that his optimism had been foolish, might have been their undoing. Mello would grow up to believe that if he even felt a moment's happiness, if he didn't have some doubt that his world could be ripped out from under him, than that was exactly what could happen. It was all right to feel good, as long as you constantly reminded yourself that it had to be fleeting, that something would come along and ruin it. That was all that kept you safe, doubt was your friend. Total faith only brought disappointment.

But then, back when they kept their secret, it really did feel like it was going to last forever. Mello had never slept so good as when he was in Near's arms. He didn't even mind waking up and leaving, because he could come back. He could always come back.

* * *

The first time Matt noticed it was after Mello had returned from a shower, his towel hanging just a tiny bit too low on his slim hips. He really wouldn't have been staring at his friend's ass under most circumstances but with it right there in front of him, blocking the view of his game, he didn't have much choice. It was just a little dark smudge, starting on his tailbone, disappearing below the fluffy white fabric but definitely enough to catch the hacker's eye.

"Hey Mells? What's that?" he asked, his curiosity peaked, so much in fact that he barely noticed when his character died on the TV screen. He dropped to his knees on the carpet, moved closer to get a better look. To an outsider, this probably would have looked kind of odd (gay) but they'd been sharing a living space since they were toddlers, seen each other naked more times than was appropriate considering that Matt was, in fact, straight.

"Hmm?" The blond murmured distractedly as he checked to make sure his guns were all loaded and fully functional. The redhead reached out, brushed his fingertip over the spot and Mello spun around, pressing the barrel of his gun to his friend's forehead. He glared at the younger boy, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded. Matt rolled his eyes, grabbed the blonde's hips and turned him back around, again focusing his attention on whatever the hell he was hiding under that towel.

"I'll say it again…What is this?" he asked, poking the spot. When he tried to tug the fabric down, Mello again faced him, eyes wide, blushing furiously. He slapped the redhead hard, and it stung like a bitch but the younger boy had to fight back a laugh. It was just such a _girl _thing to do.

"None of your god damn business," the blond snapped. He tried to leave but Matt quickly got to his feet, grabbed his wrists and held him there. He waited for several moments but Mello absolutely refused to look him in the eyes.

"Spill. Or I'm not letting you go…tick tock, Mell's. We can stand here all day and please try to remember that I know where all your ticklish spots are," Matt teased. Mello finally looked up, glaring at him from behind a curtain of blond fringe.

"It's a fucking tattoo, ok? Now let me go, I have shit to do," the older boy growled. Matt's mouth dropped open in shock. A tattoo? Oh, Jesus Christ. He had to know; there was no way around it. The wondering would kill him.

"Can I see it?" he asked excitedly. Mello shoved him away.

"No you can't fucking see it! Since when are you so interested in my ass crack, Matt? I thought we agreed a long time ago that we were just friends," the blond teased but it did nothing to deter his curious friend.

"Holy shit, you mean it goes down further? Oh please, Mello…Pretty please, with sugar and chocolate sprinkles? You have to tell me, I'm your best mate. You don't keep secrets from your best mate; it's like a rule. Or a law! It's got to be official." Mello rolled his eyes.

"No. Not a chance in hell. "Again, he tried to get away but Matt yanked the towel from his hips, shoved him up against the nearest wall. "Let me go you fuck!" As soon as Matt saw what had been permanently inked into his friend's skin, he did. Then took a step back. It was just four little letters but he knew that they meant the world to the blond.

"Oh, Mello, you didn't…" Matt whispered sadly. "Why would you do that? Why do you keep torturing yourself? You deserve so much better…" Mello ignored him as he made his way to the bedroom, slammed the door behind him. A few minutes later, he reemerged, full dressed. They were both silent for a long time, Matt playing his PSP, Mello checking and rechecking his weapons several more times than what was needed. "Mello, what happens if you find someone else? Do you really think they'll want your ex's name staring them in the face while you're fucking?" Mello gave him a look, went back to his work. "Come on, surely you've thought of moving on. You know, he's not the only fish in the sea, as they say…" Another look. Matt threw his game down onto the couch, stalked over to where his friend sat at the table. "Damn it Mello, you can't spend the rest of your life pining over that little prick. It's not healthy. He's not worth it!" Mello didn't look up, just sighed, covered his face with one hand while the other gripped the gun tighter, his finger sliding around the trigger. Matt sighed, waited for the inevitable threat but for once, Mello surprised, as well as horrified him when he turned the gun on himself. He pressed the barrel against his temple, lifted his head so Matt could see his bloodshot blue eyes.

"Don't you think I know that?" he whispered. "I know it's not worth it. I know it's not healthy but god damn it, Matt, it's not that fucking easy. You don't know what it's like because you've never been in love but I have. I fucking love him and when you love someone, you can't just turn it off like a fucking light switch, ok?" Tears slid down his face as they stared each other down but as soon as Matt saw Mello's finger tighten on that trigger, he lunged, grabbing the blonde's wrist, managing to turn the gun away only seconds before it fired. For a long time, they sat there staring at the hole in the wall, in total silence, Matt's hand still tight around Mello's should he get any funny ideas. Then they looked at each other and Matt was surprised to find that Mello looked almost as shocked as he was.

"You were really going to do it, weren't you?" he asked, dreading the answer. Mello only nodded. The redhead gently pulled the gun out of Mello's grip without resistance, placed it on the table, then pulled his friend up from his chair and wrapped his arms around him.

They remained in the embrace for what felt like hours, each needing the comfort as much as the other. Matt felt tears stinging his own eyes, could barely see through his goggles anymore. The blond didn't know it, but he meant everything to the younger boy. He said it often, that Mello was his reason for carrying on in this otherwise hopeless existence. It wasn't like the redhead didn't have the important things, an endless line of lovers, games and cigarettes, a small (well, not so small) inheritance from his deceased mentor, but none of that mattered in the grand scheme of things. He knew that this Kira thing might kill them, was willing to sacrifice his life if he had to, but he couldn't bear the thought of Mello not standing there to claim the victory. If Mello died over this stupid thing he called love, then all would be lost.

Mello had always been the stronger of the two, had always faced danger and hopelessness head on and managed to make the sun shine when the orange shades through which the hacker saw the world just didn't cut it. It made Matt even surer of the fact that he never wanted to experience the emotions that Mello was suffering for. Love shut out all the lights and left you stumbling in the shadows, made you fall into traps you couldn't possibly see through the haze. He wanted to comfort him by explaining his philosophy, by encouraging him to step out and take comfort in the arms of strangers, to forget meaning and let the joys of physical comfort take the stresses and pain away.

Finally the blond spoke, his words muffled against his friend's shirt. "Help me?" Never had the blond seemed so fragile, so weak, as he was now in the redhead's arms. Matt clung to him, his hold almost definitely crushing the taller boy. He felt like glass, thin and breakable and still the hacker held him tighter. "Please? Tell me again how stupid this is. Tell me one more time and I might actually believe you. You're always there for me, aren't you Matt? You know what to do. No one knows me better than you. Fucking do something. Kill him, kill me, just do something."

Mello turned to stare at his abandoned gun, one arm snaking out to reach for it. Matt pulled him away, walking them to the couch. When he sat, he pulled the blond into his lap, stroking his hair and whispering he was sorry, that it was ok. He never lied to his friend, not because it was impossible to do so, so much that he just couldn't bear it. But he kept on, telling him that he'd feel better, that Matt would do whatever he had to make it go away. "Stop it. Just stop it right now. Your life is worth more than his will ever be. This is why you're better than him, because you _feel_ Mello. He's a heartless bastard. It's not your fault. He's a fucking wanker, a cold little prick that will never know any joy. All those things he said to you, he's just trying to weaken you. It's all just another game to him. But even that does nothing for him." The blond shuddered, his whole body shaking from head to toe. "I'm not helping any, am I?"

Mello shook his head, then seemed to collapse against his friend. He sagged in the redhead's lap, and something came over the redhead then, laying the blond down, curling up behind him. As thin as they both were, it was a cramped fit on the couch, and they were pressed quite close together. It felt strange, wrong, but the gamer held his friend closer, one arm snaking around his waist and catching the blonde's hand in his own. "I know it's all true. He makes me feel so small, so worthless, even when I know that it's just the way he is. I know he can't feel anything for anyone, but it didn't feel that way once." Mello squeezed his friend's hand, taking in deep breaths to slow that tears that flowed down his cheeks. "I felt so special when I was with him, I felt on top of the world. I was making _Near_ feel something, act human. If Near said I was pretty, I had to be the most beautiful thing in the world because that heartless fucker could look god himself in the eyes and point out his flaws."

The hacker wrapped his leg around both of the blonde's, trapping him in the embrace. Mello wasn't struggling, though he did tense up a bit. Then Matt's lips were on the back of his neck, his breath tickling the nape of the older boy's neck, and the blonde relaxed some. "You are pretty Mello. Haven't I always told you, if anyone could turn _me_ gay it'd be you? You're the prettiest thing I have ever seen."

Mello laughed, his free hand coming up to trace the edges of the scars on his face. "Really Matt, thank you, but you're not helping. I know you don't mean it. Just like I know he never meant it. You don't have to do that, it's sweet, but it's not helping either of us." The redhead brought a hand up to trace the scars for himself, fascinated by how the healing skin actually felt softer than the rest. His fingertips glided over them, tracing the edges, noticing that Mello responded with a little catch in his breathing. The younger boy had suspected that there was some sensation left, having been unable to get an answer about whether the nerves were completely destroyed or not. He knew that the blonde's hearing and vision had been impaired, having noticed how he always twisted his body just so when they were speaking. The damage had been researched, the hacker suspecting that the hearing might be totally gone on one side, and that the vision might be cloudy shapes and colors at best.

Mello tried to escape when the younger boy's hand traveled down his neck, over his shoulder. He tried to escape, but the redhead only pulled him closer, still trapping him with a leg around his own. Then the redhead was pulling the zipper of the vest down, his hand resting over the blonde's chest. When the older boy had been healing his friend had had to apply ointments and bandages to the wounds, had had to help him into the bath on several occasions. But now the touch was gentler, and there was no lotion to apply, no bandages and tape between callused fingers and Mello's skin. "I mean it, Mello. You're so pretty. You really are the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. Even if you are a boy." The redhead kissed the back of his friend's neck again, then moved to the side, biting gently, then tracing the spot over with his tongue. He kept brushing his fingers over the scars on Mello's arm and chest while he kissed his neck, and when he let his hand wander to the older boy's stomach, Mello tensed, biting his lip.

"You're not gay Matt." The blond could feel the smile against his shoulder, and to point out just how wrong Mello was at this exact moment, the younger boy rubbed his obvious physical reaction against the blonde's ass. The older teen would have bolted right then, but the hacker's hand was running along his waistband, and his mind wandered. He could almost feel Near behind him, pressed into him, panting in his ear. The albino had taken finding all of Mello's spots very seriously, discovering that the one the hacker paid attention to now was one of the most sensitive. All Near had had to do in the morning to wake Mello for sex was to kiss the spot just below his belly button, to press a finger into the hollow of a hip. It made Mello's legs fall open, made the pace of his breaths speed up and his eyes squeeze shut. The hand made it's way under his waistband now was calloused, larger than Near's and fumbling more than his lover had. He knew this was not his lover, and hated himself for almost reacting anyway.

"Beautiful Mello. Absolutely breath-taking." The hacker was waiting to feel the alarms going off in his head, because not only was this so not his thing, but this man was like a brother to him, his best friend in the whole world. But if this would stop the blond from crying, from attempting to blow his brains out the next time he was left alone, then it was alright. And it did feel sort of...good. The gamer knew that there was no way he'd be allowed to continue much longer, but at the moment he pulled Mello closer, whispering into his ear all the things Near should be saying to him. As Matt ran a thumb over the blonde's hip he told his friend how angelic he looked, how the scar made him both frightening and sexy, how no one deserved to touch him and he was doing anyone who tried a personal favor in allowing them.

This was when Mello snapped out of it finally, throwing Matt's hand to the side and sitting up. He hung his head, taking deep, even breaths. He should just let this happen, Matt wouldn't treat him the way Near had. But it wasn't right. "He never said anything to me when we were fucking. At least, nothing like that." Mello laughed. "He was actually pretty technical about it, mostly just asked me if the angle was good," the blonde blushed. "Or, you know, how it felt. Not really romantic. That's ok though, it was never about romance, was it."

The older boy had begun to cry again, and the redhead reached out, carefully, so as not to spook him. But Mello jumped at the opportunity, hugging Matt tightly and crying into his shoulder. The hacker smoothed out strands of mussed blond, rubbed the older boy's back when the quiet tears turned to sobbing hiccups. "I told you, you deserve better. If I could replace it I would. In a heartbeat. And believe it or not, I'd love every second of it."

Mello turned his face up to meet his friend's eyes. Matt actually pulled off the ever-present goggles, hoping that the older boy could see the sincerity in his expression. Mello did. The younger boy was the only one who never lied to him. Near had done it. Roger, Watari, even L had lied to him. "You promise? You weren't about to just 'take one for the team' to make me feel better about myself?"

The blond was smiling when he said it, settling back on the other side of the couch and picking up a chocolate bar that he'd abandoned on the table earlier. His gun stared back at him, but at this moment he didn't even bother to pick it up. Matt reached for the weapon, running it back to the bedroom before he answered his friend. "I swear it. Now....erm, if you're alright, uhhh, I've got to go to the loo..."

The blond nodded, watching his usually lazy friend practically jog to the bathroom. When Matt didn't return for several moments, Mello made his way to the locked door, knocking several times before he received an answer. When the response came, the redhead sounded slightly out of breath, a little nervous even. "What is it, Mello? I'm a little, erm, busy."

"Are you jacking off in there?" The blond couldn't help but smile, though he wasn't sure what he hoped the answer might be.

"Uhh...yep."

"Do you need help, by any chance?" Mello's tone made it quite clear that he was joking, though with the way that this day was turning out, he wouldn't have been terribly surprised at either a negative or affirmative answer.

"No! Go away please!" The blond debated on whether to taunt his friend more, standing next to the door while he decided. "I didn't hear you walk away Mello." The older boy left then, deciding that he'd teased enough. He made sure to stomp heavily back into the living room, giggling loudly.

When Matt returned nearly half an hour later, having jumped into the shower just to delay the inevitable teasing, Mello was curled up on the couch, quietly flipping through a magazine and affecting a bored expression.. The hacker immediately switched on a game just so he wouldn't have to look his friend in the eyes. It wasn't that he was actually attracted to Mello, he'd just been trying to give him a confidence boost and hormones had gotten the better of him. "Feel better, Matty?"

"Heh. I think I might survive. You?" The blond reached out, pressed pause on the controller, then grasped his friend's hand, squeezing it, then quickly letting go. The hacker immediately went back to playing, though his color was starting to return to normal.

"I can't believe it, but I do. You're not to ever try something like that again, but thank you for it anyway. I love you like a brother Matt, and I know you don't approve or understand, but things will never be normal between him and I. As much as that tears me apart, it comforts me to know that I will always have you. You're my best friend and my brother and I might love you even more than him."

"Love you too mate." Matt smiled, winked, then returned to his game. For once Mello let himself relax, let his thoughts drift as he watched the tiny creatures on the screen. It was soon evident that his friend was becoming bored, so the younger teen switched to a two player racing game, handing the blond the secondary controller. "Loser cooks dinner."

"Loser cooks dinner _and_ cleans the dishes." The redhead gulped, remembering the mess they'd left in the sink for nearly a week. "And you'd better try you're goddamned best. If I suspect you're half assing it to coddle me, you've automatically forfeited the win. Understood?"

"Yes sir." The gamer saluted, laughing as he wondered how the blond could read his mind so well.

* * *

As much as he hated to admit it, neither of the boys would ever find peace without each other, and a rekindled romance might actually be an asset to solving the case that still seemed so much bigger than all of them. Maybe if they were together, _forced_ to be happy if they had to be, they would work together and end this. Matt couldn't stand the drama anymore, never mind that every time Mello cried it seemed as if the whole world was falling to pieces. Something had to be done. Something drastic, something crazy. Matt just hoped that he wouldn't be shot for this.

* * *

It had been so simple that it was almost an insult to the teen's intelligence. Surely a former secret service agent would be more than a bit cautious at giving out her address, especially considering that the man she thought had contacted her should already know it. He'd sent the woman just one text message from Mello's phone, saying that they needed to meet in person immediately to discuss Near. She'd responded only five minutes later, and when the teen had asked for her address she'd sent it without hesitation.

Mello had only mentioned the woman briefly, stating that she seemed fond of Near, and was always staring at the blond, which annoyed the older boy to no end. He hadn't said it outright, probably because he was so used to it, but it was obvious from what little he mentioned of Hal that the girl had the hots for him. Big time. So, even as stupid as the redhead already thought she was, it was really no surprise that she had been so quick to invite him over. After all, most people would cut off their own arm to get the blond alone.

Matt was rather impressed with the hotel that he arrived at. Near really must be raking in the cash, to put his employees up in a place like this. Of course, Wammy's was no hole in the wall, thanks to L's generous donations the kids never went without. The detective must have been a billionaire by the time he died. The redhead was forced to wait several minutes, impatiently knocking on the door, but not calling out. No doubt the girl would be pissed when she saw that Mello's sidekick had appeared instead of the blond himself.

Finally the door opened, just a crack, and a pair of blue eyes peered around the corner, blond hair falling around an attractive face. "What the fuck?" Oh, pretty _and_ a dirty mouth. Maybe this would be more pleasant than Matt had anticipated. "You're not Mello." A gun appeared in her hand, discreetly pointing at the teen, yet out of view of anyone who might pass by. "You've got five fucking seconds to explain yourself."

"Whoa, there, calm down love. I'm a friend of his. A partner actually. I'm here about yesterday. You know, the whole nasty phone call bit." The gun was pressed into Matt's stomach as he took a step closer, placing his foot firmly in the doorway. "Bollocks, that was more than five seconds, wasn't it?" The redhead was a little disappointed that the accent wasn't working on this particular girl; all Americans seemed to love it. The women all found him irresistibly attractive with just a few well placed 'loves' and 'bloody hells'. They laughed at all his jokes, told him how cute and funny and sexy he was, all because he was a foreigner. Thank you Hugh Grant. Unfortunately, this did not seem to be working with the gorgeous blond (how ironic) that was still pressing a gun into the teenager's gut (more ironic, yet somewhat comforting. She sure was going out of her way to make him feel at home, wasn't she?). "Please, just let me in, sweetheart. For Mello?"

The magic word, apparently. The woman took a step back, not opening the door, just allowing the redhead to step in if he chose to. The gun was still carefully aimed at him, and she was (impressive) steadily holding the defensive stance without twitching or showing any strain at all. A professional, a very hot professional. Score. "You have five minutes, one false move and I blow you away. And make no mistake, Near has installed cameras in every room, and he will be able to see you and send back up if I call for it." A little too much information there, but a nice threat anyway. The redhead looked around the room as he entered, noting the telltale signs of surveillance. Near really was a pervert. He wondered if the little freak had these things in this poor lady's bedroom and bathroom as well.

"Don't worry gorgeous, I'm not planning anything nefarious. Well, I am, but nothing to do with you. Unless you'd like me to." The redhead winked, and the woman finally lowered her weapon, replacing it in the holster on her hip. Matt liked women of all shapes and sizes, and took the time to notice this one's rather lovely physique. She was quite a bit taller than him (big surprise), thin, but well stacked on top. She was dressed in nice slacks and a form-fitting blouse, thankfully wearing flats to complete the outfit. Matt had run into his fair share of female law enforcement, and they usually had no idea how to dress themselves. This woman was a breath of fresh air, from her long blond hair, to carefully applied make up, to the clothing that accentuated all of her best features. Maybe Mello had been keeping him on too short a leash for too long, but this girl was really, really hot.

"I wasn't kidding about the time limit. If you plan on wasting it with innuendo, you'll find yourself on the opposite side of that door before you've had the chance to make your case. And quit it with the pet names." Hal's hand was resting on the butt of her gun, and instead of unnerving the redhead like it was intended to, it was spurring him on. With the pass that his accent and, in his opinion at least, good looks he had little trouble with women. To Mello's extreme distaste, the younger boy had slept with the majority of eligible girls at Wammy's, then quite a few more during their stay in LA. He rarely had to chase a woman, and was now excited at the challenge. Unfortunately, there was business to attend to first. Damn it Mello.

"I'm sorry, Mello doesn't allow me out much anymore, and you're very pretty. Please excuse my rudeness. I'm really not such a pig, I swear." The redhead held a hand out, and when the woman cautiously reached to shake it, he brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back of it with a teasing smirk. "I'm Matt. I'm sure Mello has mentioned me before."

"No, he has not." Hal wiped the back of her hand on her pants, wrinkled her nose. But there was a slight redness in her cheeks, and she was not making eye contact anymore. Yes!

"Whoa, there's a blow to my ego. All right then, well, Mello and I are partners, best friends since before I can remember actually. And Near, well, we grew up with him. I'm sure you know about the orphanage by now." Mello would have beaten Matt to a pulp for offering such information up, even to someone who just had to know. With Kira at large, the identities of the Wammy House students were more sacred than ever, the existence of the orphanage more important to keep secret. But this girl worked closely with Near, was quite fond of Mello. Even if she didn't know, she couldn't do any harm.

"I'm guessing you're about to make a point some time soon? I don't have all day. I'm due back with Near very soon." Matt walked around the living room, taking in the decor, feeling a bit sad when he noticed that there were no personal photos decorating any surfaces, only a few prints of classical paintings that matched the color scheme. He sat on the couch, resting one leg over its arm.

"You're lying. There's a nice warm cup of tea right here, a book still open beside it. Your day off, I take it?" Matt laughed. "You're all dressed up and armed, just to read and drink tea? Huh. Replace the poetry with some Dante or the Bible, substitute some hot chocolate, and you might as well be Mello's twin. Ok, the outfit is all wrong too, but the whole thing is rather creepy. Have you any idea how much you and Mello look alike? Yeah, you're impressively tall for a woman, and he's a bit on the short side like myself, but you really would pass for siblings. That's kind of pervy, Hal."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. And that wasn't a lie. He just called a few moments ago. There may be a break in the case." The woman retrieved the book, closing it and setting it on a shelf. Then she pushed Matt's leg from its comfortable position back onto the floor, grimacing when she noticed that he'd left footprints on the white carpeting. "If you insist on staying, would you please take those off?"

Matt obliged, then proceeded to prop his feet up on the table in front of him. "Fuck the case. We've got more important shit to discuss, like your boss and mine for instance." Hal watched the teenager take over her living room, acting more like a resident than intruder. He was sipping at her tea damn it! "Mind if I smoke in here?"

"Yes." Matt lit a cigarette despite the negative response, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly as he took the first drag. Hal rolled her eyes, stalking off to her bedroom to get an ashtray. "Let me guess, you could just tell?" The redhead tapped his nose, winking.

"Doesn't take a genius. But, I am in fact that. I suppose that if you're aware of Wammy's, then you have an idea what kind of kids they take in there?" Hal nodded. "Good, I hate having to get into the boring details. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Mello and Near were the pride and joy of Mr. Wammy, and _both_ of them were to become L. Actually, I suspect that they were even in scores, despite Near ultimately taking the title for himself. I don't just say this because Mello is my friend, and I can't stand the little twat. You've only seen the scary, emotional side of my best mate. He's really quite intelligent. That whole explosion thing looked bad, I know, as well as holding you at gunpoint. But it was really genius, you have to admit."

"I understood the reasoning behind both. I can't say I condone his methods, but I understand." Hal took a seat on the opposite end of the couch, placing several pillows between them.

"That might be because you want Mello's arse in the worst way. Hey, don't look at me like that, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone does. Anyway, back to what's important. Mello and Near, see, they were like rivals. Ok, sworn enemies really. I'm not really sure how it started, but they were constantly bickering, fighting for the number one spot. It went on for years, with yours truly in the middle of it all. You have no idea how many battle scars I have from breaking up fights between them. Mello might look quite feminine, but he hits fucking hard. Kicks too." The redhead crossed his legs at the memory of his blond friend kicking him in the balls for having said good morning to Near once.

"That's it? All of this because they both wanted to take the place of some snotty hermit detective? What was the big deal about this guy?" Matt pulled a gun from his jacket pocket, aiming it straight between Hal's eyes. The woman jumped off the couch, tripping over the coffee table and landing on her ass on the floor. She quickly recovered, pulling her own weapon. They faced each other, Hal calmly waiting for Matt to so much as twitch before she would put a bullet in him. The redhead had stood, his breathing heavy and audible, his eyes narrowed to slits behind orange lenses. His hands were shaking.

"Never! Never again, and I fucking mean it. If you ever even so much as think of saying one bad word about L, I swear on my PSP I'll kill you without a second thought. L's memory is fucking sacred. Near is making a mockery of it. He is nothing like the man. L was brave and good and like a father to us all. He almost had that fucking bastard. He just got too damn close. Thanks to people like _you_ who were too proud to just follow his orders, too caught up in procedures to do what needed to be done. If they'd just listened to him, we'd all be dancing on Kira's grave right now." Hal was doing her best to stand while not taking an eye off the suddenly enraged teenager, yet was feeling almost guilty when she heard the emotional outburst. She had not meant any harm. It was just too hard to believe that two kids, who might as well have been brothers, could have this much hate between them over something so trivial as a title. It was well known among all branches of law enforcement that while L had been respected, he had been a thorn in everyone's side. His methods were unorthodox, to say the least, and his manners...well, he could be quite offensive when things did not go his way. Of course, Near wasn't much better, which was probably the reason for no one suspecting that L had been replaced.

"I'm sorry. I did not realize he meant that much to you. Drop your weapon, and we'll forget about this." To show that she meant what she said, Hal raised both arms above her head, though held on to her gun. Matt was still aiming, still seething with anger. "Alright. I'll drop mine. Ok? I'll do it first. Just remember, if you shoot me, Near will have an entire team here to arrest you before you can even blink."

Matt finally replaced his weapon, settling back onto the couch, lighting another cigarette. Hal joined him, and they sat in uncomfortable silence while they both calmed. "You don't have any idea what he meant to us. What he did for us. The orphanage might have been a fucked up place, but L really cared about us. The scores didn't matter to him. _We_ mattered to him. He loved us like brothers, or like sons. He was a good man. That's why I'm here, because I want that fucker's head probably as much as Mello does." The redhead wouldn't face the woman, but Hal could see that he'd gone from angry to quite obviously depressed. She laid a tentative hand on his back, trying to soothe away some of the pain. Near never spoke of L, unless he was referring to himself. She wondered if the man meant that much to him as well.

"Alright, please forgive me. Now, what were you here about?" Maybe if they changed the subject this boy wouldn't look so pathetic. It was hard enough being a woman in her job, constantly trying to prove herself, to work harder and be better just because she'd been born without a penis, she didn't need this emotional crap too. But as a woman with all those god damned maternal instincts, she felt the desire to comfort, to nurture. If only Near would be more open, let her take care of him. He might not act it, but she suspected the little detective needed it as much as the redhead did.

There was a smile on Matt's face again, his eyes lighting up with the wicked ideas that passed through his thoughts. "Keep touching me like that, I might forget." Hal growled in frustration, a strange noise coming from such a dainty looking girl. She removed the hand, taking her place back on the opposite end of the couch. "Sorry! Come on, give me a little slack. I told you Mello has me on a short leash. Guess he thinks that if he's got to be sexually frustrated, then so do I."

"What are you babbling about?" This was really getting tiresome. One day off without Near or Rester calling about the case, one day without Gevanni showing up at her doorstep because he was bored (read: lonely), and Hal had to baby-sit a deviant teenager. How unfair.

"You telling me you didn't sense any sexual tension between them?" The woman stared blankly, as if to ask, 'between who?'. "Damn, really? You are in the wrong line of work honey. Near and Mello obviously. I can't believe you don't see it. Ok, I didn't see it for a while, I _joked_ about it, but I didn't think it'd ever actually happen. But then one night, Mello comes into our room, all happy and smiles, and when I tell him he looks like he just got fucked really well, he dives under the covers, won't come out until I tickle the hell out of him." The redhead laughed. "Ok, that sounded really gay, but I'm not, just in case you're wondering baby. Anyway, it takes me for fucking ever, but I finally get it out of him. They were fighting as usual, about this project they were forced to work on together, stupid fucking professor, then Near just kisses him. And, well, Mello was fourteen and Near was thirteen and then hormones were getting the better of them and, well, they did it."

"They did...they were in a…_sexual_ _relationship_?" Hal found herself somewhat unnerved by the images that popped into her head. She couldn't imagine Near hugging another living thing, let alone kissing, or engaging in sex. No. Not possible. And Mello, well, no, that would just be a shame. Hal shook her head. Aside from all that, they hated each other. Despised each other. Both of them were constantly threatening to kill the other. It just didn't make any sense.

"Uhh, more than that. They were in love. Like, really in love. It might have worked too, even if it is really, really...icky. But Near fucked up big time. The little prick broke Mello's heart." Matt threw his arms open, gesturing wildly. Ta da, the big finish. Now to the important part. "So, you and I, my dear, have got to get them to like each other again."

"Pardon me? Just why the hell would we do that? You've made it perfectly clear that that is a terrible idea." This was going to be a long night. Did Matt have to explain _everything_ to this girl? Maybe she wasn't as smart as she looked.

"Notice how Near isn't really getting anywhere in the case?" The blond opened her mouth to disagree, but Matt held a hand against it, silencing whatever useless argument she was about to make. "Don't even. You all are sitting on your asses making prank phone calls. Here's where I tell you what mad skills I have, by saying that I've got audio surveillance installed. I've been listening, and Near is just dicking around. He's losing interest. And Mello just keeps coming up with these ridiculous ideas that are probably going to get us both killed. The thing about them is that they're two halves of L, one is very careful and cautious and has really great ideas, but no drive or courage to carry them out. The other is just as bad, and I hate to talk shit about my buddy, but as smart as he is, he's just too impatient, too ready to charge in and start busting heads without a plan. We need them working together to solve this. And the only way to do that is to get them to start fucking again."

"Are you insane? They'll kill each other." Hal stood, crossing the room to the door. "I think you should leave now."

"Alright, let's put it this way. If Near and Mello don't resolve this shit between them, they're both going to die. They're too busy hating each other to focus, and it's going to get them both killed. Now, I've mentioned Wammy's House already, and you know how it works. If Near dies, Mello gets the title. But if Near dies, Mello is going right after him. They might hate each other, but they're still in love. So much that their fates depend on one another. Want to know who gets to be L when they die? The third in line is me. I was right behind Mello in scores. You really want me to be your new boss? Just imagine how much more Mondays would suck." The redhead winked. Hal was just staring at him, her blue eyes impossibly wide, her mouth falling open in a little 'o'. Yeah, she definitely hated this idea. "It's true. Ask them if you don't believe me. If we don't get them fucking again, the fate of the free world rests in _my_ hands."

"Ok! Alright, ok. We'll do it. What do you suggest we do?" Matt stood, gathering his things, lacing up his boots.

"It's going to be rough. We'll have to figure out a way to disarm them. We'll probably have to lock them away together, so neither of them can run." Matt plotted silently for a few moments, then his green eyes lit up with one forgotten detail. "Oh! We'll probably need to get some condoms. Errr, well, I don't know if they ever used them, but, you know. I don't want Mello to get pregnant." The redhead grinned, waiting for the joke to sink in.

"Why would...wait, you don't mean...oh my god." Matt laughed hysterically as he watched the woman try to wrap her mind around the fact that _Mello_ was the 'girl' in the relationship.

"Yeah, that's right. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Mello isn't just gay. He takes it. From _Near_. I know, I had issues with it at first too. But I'm over it now. I just want them to be happy so we don't all get killed."


	3. In My Way, There's You

A/N: Thank you Chiyo-Tanaka-Chan, merichuel, AlmightySponge, and Kay-chi-sama for reviewing! Pocky for all.

IN MY WAY, THERE'S YOU

Mello was causing trouble again, as usual. The blond had decided to take his bike on the way to the SPK headquarters, which was fine with his partner. The brat was in a terrible mood today. At least he wasn't depressed, but he was sure as hell not going to make the day easy on anyone. His motorcycle weaved through traffic, horns honks, New York residents behaved as usual, angrily swearing and flipping him off from out their windows. Even Matt flipped him the finger, but he was of course unable to see it from his place five, now six, seven, car lengths ahead. He swerved around yet another car, getting dangerously closer to the dividing line between lanes.

Hal had stupidly suggested just kidnapping the blond to get him into the building, but she didn't know him that well. She still thought the kid was charming, even after having held her at gunpoint. Now it almost seemed like a good idea, obviously the tiny, harmless white lie that Matt had told was much worse an idea. Mello had been raging all morning, breaking his and Matt's things, crashing around the apartment, throwing a tantrum when he couldn't find his vest or eyeliner.

That had been what told his younger friend that the blond was not quite as upset as he was acting. He'd been wearing layers lately, covering up most of his scars with long sleeves and hoods. Everything under the winter jacket was still skin tight and hot as hell, but he'd lost the confidence to show off his arms, that line of flesh that had turned paler in recent years, not seeing the sun nearly as much as it used to. He'd only just gotten comfortable around Matt, but still shied away if he thought his friend was staring at his scars. But of course they didn't shock his friend, who had been the one to nurse him back to health, to bandage them when Mello was too weak to do it himself.

Dressed to kill, made up only a little more than usual, Mello had finally dragged himself out the door. He'd been stalling of course, watching the news, checking up on Kira. This was a morning ritual, and would not have been unusual, but then Mello even took the time to hack into Wammy's computers, leaving Roger a hello. That's when it was obvious that something was amiss, even when the redhead read the note, seeing that it was a personal, biased update on Near's progression in the case.

'I told you I should have been successor. Near fucked up again. I'm going to clean up the mess. -M'

It was only half a lie, when Mello was informed that Near's regular correspondences with the suspect had taken a turn for the worse. It was true that the albino had been calling this imposter L, had been slowly causing doubt among the task force, giving them his opinion that this L was in fact the true Kira. The only part that had been a lie was that Mello had been told that the team had cut off contact, had moved somewhere and the younger boy wasn't able to trace their whereabouts. He needed Mello's help finding them, might even need his old Mafia connections to assist him.

"Idiot! Fucking moron. If he already knew where they were, why didn't he just go in there, the fucking pussy!" Mello had been given this news as soon as he woke, and had spent hours getting ready, cleaning and loading his gun, adding a second to the pocket of his jacket. There were knives in each of his boots. His friend had complained that there would be no ammunition left for him to protect himself, but Mello had just opened a drawer of his bureau, revealing that it was full of various illegally obtained weapons. "Move your fucking ass. What are you waiting for?" Mello had been standing by the door, arms crossed, chewing on the end of his rosary. It was something he'd done since he was a small child, whenever the shit was about to hit the fan, as the cliché went.

Then he was speeding off, and Matt kept nervously glancing at his speedometer, watching it climb, braking when traffic clogged at an intersection, Mello speeding by the red lights. Was he trying to get arrested? Matt loved a good car chase, but this gorgeous piece of metal was illegal, and he didn't have an American driver's license. Of course, Mello probably didn't either. But that wasn't stopping him from breaking every traffic law he could possibly dream up.

Incredibly, they made it past the wailing sirens and swerved into side streets, turning around and heading in opposite directions. The trip that should have taken less than half an hour was creeping up on almost sixty minutes, as Mello used this deviant behavior to cool his head and collect his thoughts. Matt wondered if the blond was reminded of their childhood, how L had once had to pick them up in a juvenile detention center, scolding them and begging the police not to charge them, then finally pulling out the 'I am justice' card and making the officers 'forget' all about it. He swore his charges would be punished accordingly, but then broke into fits of laughter as soon as they'd been dragged into the backseat of Watari's car. If he could only see them now, see how many more laws they were breaking in a quarter of the time it'd taken them to commit those acts. For a second, the redhead thought he saw someone sitting in his passenger seat, knees tucked up to his chin, toes rubbing together on the leather seats, carefully balancing a plate of cake and winking when the teenager almost missed the turn.

They arrived in the back of the building, Mello was ahead of course, his helmet placed on the seat as he shook out his hair, combed his fingers through it. Matt stumbled out of the car, staring back in and looking for evidence of the ghost. Mello stared at him in confusion, then his eyes widened when he looked at the car. He shook his head, turning back to Matt. His hand was on the butt of the gun peeking out from his waistband. Well, shit. So maybe this plan wasn't going to fail miserably. Apparently someone was giving their blessing. Creepy fucker, even beyond the grave he was guiding them.

"Mello, did you-" The blond waved a hand, stalking off to the entrance of the building. Catholics probably didn't believe in ghosts. And of course Mello would rather believe that his bad mood was giving him hallucinations, than to hear that he was not alone.

Hal was waiting for them, holding the elevator that would take them to the main room of SPK headquarters. She spoke quickly, explaining the urgency of the meeting, begging Mello to keep his gun down. "It's hard to tell, you know him. But he's really nervous right now, frantic. He's been berating us all day, blaming us for this. I hate to speak badly of my employer, but he has been so foolish. I don't know what came over him, he just suddenly starting swearing at this other L, accusing him, threatening him even. I think he's really lost his mind. What did you say to each other on the phone that day? I mean no disrespect to any of you, but I think that may have been the cause."

"Fuck you." Mello shed his winter jacket, throwing it at the woman. "Put this somewhere. If there's so much as a scratch on it when I come back for it, you'll have more to worry about than your job." Hal had been about to reply, when she took in the blond teen's appearance. That's right, she hadn't seen this version of Mello. He looked like a wet dream, the skintight vest riding high enough to expose his navel. He'd been a little shorter when he'd first bought it, and had grown some muscle since his Mafia days. The shirt rode higher than ever. The leather pants were fastened even lower on his hips, so much so that he'd probably had to wax to wear them. There was a belt looped around his hips, hanging lower on one side then the other, more for decoration than function. He watched her staring, taking in the outfit, the multiple crosses that hung from his wrists and neck, and for the first time he smiled, winked. Mello shook his head, tucked some hair behind his ear on the scarred side of his face. He looked just like a fallen angel, beaten up and almost broken when he'd tumbled out of heaven, only to stand up again with a new fury, bringing the fires of hell with him and making all the pitiful humans beg to be burned right along with him.

"Yes sir." Halle stuttered out, carefully folding the jacket over her arm. They rode the elevator in silence, Matt glaring at Mello for getting the attention of the pretty girl. It had been like that in the orphanage too, he'd always thought the girls were settling for him. It was the only time he had ever been angry with Mello, when all he had to do was walk down the hall and every eye would turn to him. It was even worse now. The redhead even briefly considered changing his look, but remembered that Mello had not dressed like this years ago, and was still just as pretty. Damn it.

As usual, Near was sitting on the floor in the main room, playing with his toys. Mello stalked towards him, standing above him with a hand on his hip. Hal noticed that some of her colleagues seemed confused when the albino licked his lips, eyes traveling up the body of the slender blond teen. He had to crane his neck to meet that face, saw those blue eyes narrowing at him, those full lips curling up into a sneer. "Awfully calm, aren't we Near?"

"I believe I am in better a position than last we met, seeing as how Mello is not currently pointing a gun at me." For the first time, Near was able to see more of the scar, see that it went down the older boy's neck, most of the way down his arm. With the revealing outfit, he could also see that his rival had gained some muscle recently, his shoulders were wider, his stomach slightly more defined than almost concave as it had been when they were children. He wondered if this was the result of the end of puberty, if god had decided to further grace him with an even lovelier figure than before, or if Mello had been working out, compensating for his slight build. Either way, he looked lovely.

"From what I hear, you're in a far worse position than a few days ago." Mello was angry, but Near could not guess why. He hadn't yet mentioned the phone call, the hurt that it had caused him. Had someone told him how Near had been lately, that his guilt that been slowly building, that Matt's words had caused him so much pain that he'd stopped eating, couldn't sleep. That he didn't give a shit about the case, refused to answer the imposter L's correspondences? Was Mello here to rub it in, looking beautiful and sexy and dangerous. Why had he brought his friend? Was he here to admit that they were lovers, to twist the knife a little more?

"Hello Matt." The redhead waved, already lighting a cigarette despite Hal's complaints. The two had been talking quietly by the entrance, thankful that Near and Mello were too distracted with hating each other to overhear. "I have no idea what Mello is talking about. Everything is fine."

"There's no need for pride any more Near, I know what's going on. You lost contact with Kira, and now I'm here to save our asses." The albino titled his head to the side, wondering if the blond had finally gone completely insane, or if there was some kind of misunderstanding. He looked around, noting that Rester had already disappeared, that Gevanni was following closely.

"I believe that Mello is confused. _My_ suspect is in this very city still, though is planning on leaving for Japan soon, as far as I can tell. I have already prepared travel arrangements for myself." Mello turned around, looking from Hal, to Matt. He turned back, pulling his gun, aiming for the younger boy's head.

"It's _our_ suspect now. I'm not letting you have the reigns anymore. You're not going to solve this puzzle. So you'd best forget your foolish pride right now. I am so tired of being in the dark when it comes to you." Near stood, reaching for the gun in surprising speed. Mello sidestepped him, and the younger boy stumbled, but quickly regained his footing. He'd managed to get behind the blond, catching him off guard, taking his wrist and twisting the arm behind his back. Near squeezed Mello's wrist until the blond released the gun, then pushed the older boy forward, making him stumble to his knees. But Mello came back with the knife that had been tucked into his boot, pressing the tip of the blade against Near's throat. "Fucking give up yet?"

"Mello will not kill me." The blade pressed into the hollow of Near's throat, the tip breaking skin. Mello watched the blood trickle down that porcelain smoothness and felt the urge to lick it off, shaking his head.

"Really?" The blond dragged the blade down, stopping just above the first button of Near's pajama top. Mello's breathing was quickening, belying the calm in his face. Seeing the blood was bringing back memories of the new nightmares he'd been having, where Kira finally caught up with his rival, Near taking a knife to himself, or putting a gun in his own mouth, forced to do so with the words written in a death note.

"I am sure of it. It is obvious that Mello cares for me, or he would not be here in person. I do not know where he got the idea that the case was in trouble, for it is most certainly not, but the mere fact that Mello is willing to work for me shows that- ah!" The blond had backhanded the younger boy, his head whipping to the side.

"I am not going to work _for_ you! I am taking this case right out of your fucking hands. I can't believe you'd tarnish his memory this way! You're not even trying!" The blond screamed, slapping him again.

Near grabbed Mello by the throat, fingers squeezing, cutting off his words. "I am trying!" The older boy's eyes widened, shocked at hearing the albino raise his voice for the first time. He had never, ever yelled. Even when L had died, he sat there calmly, unaffected. "Mello always makes everything about himself. He does not consider other's feelings. It is only his own pain he is concerned about. I don't want anything to do with this case! Do you hear me? I hate this. But I'm doing it for _you_! _You_ won't be satisfied until he's avenged."

"Near," Mello gasped, taking in deep breaths when he was released. Worse a shock than hearing the younger boy raise his voice was that he'd referred to the blond in first person. Mello had always thought that his speech was a way to distance himself from people, and it worked. He always sounded so superior. L had just made the odd speech seem like a quirk, but Near's voice was more hollow, devoid of emotion, robotic. So perfect it was inhuman.

"Shut up! Mello is always accusing me of not caring, and he is right. I don't care about L. I don't give a shit about him. He died on us. He left us, when he promised he wouldn't. I don't care, but Mello does. And I care about Mello. But he does not reciprocate, because L's memory is more important to him than the one that is still living, that one that still feels for him. I am doing the best I can to give Mello the only gift I have left. I cannot give him my heart, because he does not want it. I cannot return L to him, but I can give him Kira's head on a platter. I would cut out his heart and hand it to Mello if that would relieve his grief, give him even a moments peace. I'm doing the best I can. If that is not good enough for Mello than he can just leave. I will continue my pursuit regardless, because that is all I want. If it will please Mello, then I will give him my heart alongside that of Kira's. I would cut it out myself, just so I didn't have to see Mello cry again." There were tears in the blonde's eyes, as he listened to the confession, but the anger had not subsided. Near still thought that he was in love with L.

"I can't believe you. Even after all these years, Near, you still think I wanted him. That's not why I left. Yes, I couldn't spend another minute in the orphanage, walking down the halls that L had passed through, stopping by his door and not seeing the light under it, going to Watari's office for some guidance, even knowing that he wouldn't be there. But that's not why I really left. And you should know it, you misguided, self-centered prick. I couldn't take another second of seeing the accusation in your eyes. Even now, when you look at me, I see my monstrous reflection staring back, I saw all my faults summed up every time I met your eyes, the ones that used to look at me with, if it wasn't love, at least some amount of respect and affection. L was my father, my mentor. I didn't _ever_ want to fuck him. _You_ were my lover, but you rejected me, and then dared accuse of me of not loving you on top of it all. You're the one that can't stand to look at me. And I'm so fucking stupid, because I still love you!" The blond dropped the knife, fell to his knees.

"Mello has never before been such a convincing liar." The younger boy spoke, but he sounded much less sincere than before. He stared down at the blond, waiting for him to attack again, but Mello stayed where he was, hair falling into his face, hiding the tears, but his breathing gave it away. "Too many tears have been shed for that man. He deserves no more. It is time to move on. Death is inevitable, even for the likes of the great L."

"I can't just deal with this. Maybe you can, but it still hurts me. I've tried to be stronger, I've tried to stand on my own. But every time I get somewhere, it all comes crashing back to you, and I'm weak again. I wish I'd died in that explosion, then we could be rid of each other." Near's legs were shaking as he listened to Mello's words. He'd always been sickly, which was why he was so small, why he spent most of his time curled up on the floor. But he'd been stronger than this, until this last week. It was impossible to tell if exhaustion was the cause, or if the guilt he was feeling from Mello's words was what made him shiver, made him have to close his eyes and focus on something other than his rival weeping on the floor. His words sounded like the truth. He was not grieving for L, he was grieving for what he thought was the loss of Near's affection.

"I never stopped loving Mello." The albino fell to his knees, held a hand against the blonde's shoulder.

"You never once said you love me. Whatever sick game you're playing, don't you dare use that word now. I said it every fucking time we made love, and you never once said it back." The blond shrugged the hand off his shoulder, but it was soon replaced with arms around his neck, and his grief made him too weak to fight them away. And it felt so good, familiar. But it was too little, too late.

"Mello was confused. I never said it because it was not the right time. I did not want to cheapen it by saying such a thing during the moments after orgasm. Sex is not love. It can be an extension of it, but it was the moments between that made me realize my true feelings for Mello. I was too afraid to say it, because I believed that Mello was experiencing a rush of endorphins, that any other time he might not be as convinced of his feelings. I did not wish to have my sentiment taken lightly, or laughed at, as Mello no doubt would have." Near forced Mello's chin up, his smile faltering when he saw the redness in his eyes. "I love Mello. I have _always_ loved Mello."

The older boy tried to turn his head, to get away from the intense stare of those gray eyes. Many had compared Mello's own to the sea on a warm day, to a bright sky. The only thing he ever saw when he looked into Near's were storm clouds, or an empty slate. They were impossible to read, it was what made the younger boy such a fantastic liar. His eyes gave away nothing. Not unless they were alone, when sometimes he'd catch a glimpse of something more. He noticed now that they were alone, and felt himself relax and allow the albino to stare into his eyes, caught the truth in them staring back. "You made my life a living hell. You made me feel like dirt. I tried so hard to please you, to be best. But you were never satisfied. I'm always disappointing you. Don't love me, please, now more than ever don't feel for me. I'll only destroy you."

"If that is how my end must come, then I can think of no better way. Mello will not convince me otherwise. I love him more than my life. That is why I took this case. I still had the option to give it to Mello, but I could not bear the thought that it might kill him. Make no mistake, I have never doubted my rival's mind, have always admired it. Never once was I disappointed. No one else has been able to match my intelligence and skills, no one has ever given me such a challenge. Still, even our combined wits could never equal that of L's, and he had already died trying. So it was better that I take this on, kill Kira even if it killed me. To have Mello at my side, even if we die, I can think of no better way to live the remainder of my days."

Near leaned in, slowly, placing the barest of kisses on Mello's lips. "Romantic, for someone who was calling me a slut just the other day."

"I never really believed that Mello had slept with anyone else. I had not, of course. If I really believed that my lover had done such a thing, I would have destroyed both parties. Mello is mine." The older boy smiled, kissing Near again, forcing his lips open with his tongue, fighting for dominance. Near was letting him win, falling onto his back, head hitting the hard surface of the floor, never losing contact of the kiss. Mello was straddling his hips, at first forcing his arms down with a grip on his wrists, then letting go to twine their fingers together.

"Promise me. Promise me you mean it. Say you love me. Not you love Mello. Say it right. Promise me you're not lying. I'll work with you, we'll catch Kira. But only if you mean it. I came here to fight, maybe to kill us both. But I just can't take it anymore. I'm so caught up thinking about you that I can't see anything else anymore. I can't do this alone. But I'll still leave. Please mean it."

"I do not wish to have the sentiment ruined this way. It is very distracting to have Mello in my lap at this moment. He is more beautiful now than ever, the scar only makes him prettier. It is proof that Mello's life is fragile, and I wish to protect him." The blond smiled, kissing him again, but Near pushed him away. "There is more I want to say, but if Mello does not get off me, I will not be able to properly express myself." The albino pushed the older boy off, but still held one of his hands. "I promise that I speak the truth. I swear that I am not using this confession as a means to trick Mello into assisting me." Near paused, took a deep breath. He seemed to be really struggling to speak, and Mello squeezed his hand, comforting but impatient. "I love you, Mello. Even if it is no longer returned, I love you. I have from the first time I kissed you."

There were so many things Mello could say, so many words that would sting, like the revenge he promised he would serve. Why couldn't have Near just swallowed his pride years earlier and admitted it? Why couldn't he have saved them all this trouble and pain? He'd waited until Mello had almost died once, waited until their lives were both in danger to the extent that even the normally courageous, self-sacrificing older boy was more than a little afraid. He'd possibly ensured that their time left together was days at best. It was with this thought that Mello decided there was only one thing left to do.

"I missed you baby." The blond said, pushing Near onto his back and straddling his hips again. He leaned over, pushing the albino's arms over his head and then taking both wrists with one hand while the other worked at the buttons of the pajama top. Near struggled, until the blond bent over and latched his teeth onto a nipple. When they'd still been at Wammy's, he'd discovered to the younger boy's great embarrassment that Near was a bit of a masochist, and while the albino was usually gentle with him, Mello would claw and bite and it would drive Near crazy.

"Mmm...as much as I enjoy Mello's attention, I do not wish to continue this _here_. We shall retire to my bedroom, and then we can make love properly." Mello smirked, biting the other nipple, releasing Near's wrists so they could hold hands. "Mello will..._unh_...listen to me, damn it."

"That's cute Near. You really think you're the one in control here?" The blond kissed him before he had a chance to respond, grinding their hips together and moaning into Near's mouth. "You don't want to wait, do you? You want me right now, right here." The blond undid the laces of his pants, exposing yet more of his sharp hipbones. Nears licked his lips, blinked, shook his head. It was getting more and more difficult to focus, especially when the blond rolled them over and wrapped a leg around Near's waist. "Come on, I can practically feel you inside of me already."

"There will be plenty of opportunities for us to make love in this manner later. I wish to take my time with Mello tonight, I wish to remind him how precious he is to me. I will not take advantage of the situation. Not tonight at least." Was that a wink? Contrary to his innocent features, Near was as mischievous as Mello, often behaving or speaking in such a way that even made the blond blush. It was no different now, as he punctuated this statement by rubbing his clothed erection against the blonde's, his satisfied smirk growing wider when Mello's legs fell open and his cheeks turning red. "Now, _you_ will get your cute ass to my bedroom so we may make love properly."

"Uh huh." Near stood, offering the older boy a hand up. Mello took it, though the combination of his weight and his eagerness to be close to the albino almost made them topple over again. "What if we don't make it?"

"Then I will have to call Hal in to carry Mello upstairs. Or possibly Rester. I believe that Hal might be preoccupied anyway. She is quite enamored with Matt." Mello wrinkled his nose, blushed harder if possible. It was a dirty trick, but it was working. Rester had been a friend of Wammy's and had visited the house on occasion, had seen them as small children. It would be like a relative, however distant, finding out that the teens were having sex. And as for Matt, they were like brothers. Not to mention that the idea of Hal naked was not a pleasant thought.

"You're a prick." Near laughed, shrugging. He definitely hadn't matured much, this all the more evident as he dragged the blond to the elevator, walking faster than Mello had even seen.

* * *

"I hate those fucking things." Near had complained as they entered his room. The albino was claustrophobic and Mello had thought that this was the sole reason for the complaint until he was pressed against the wall, Near unzipping his vest kissing the unscarred side of his neck, down the shoulder, then traveling back up the other side.

Mello turned his head, tried to push Near away as he nibbled at the rough flesh, put his hand on the blonde's scarred cheek. "I can't feel that." Near stopped immediately, turning the older boy's head with a forceful grip on his chin. Mello imagined the little cartoon light bulb shining above Near's head, as he often did when the albino came up with an idea. Near covered Mello's good eye with his palm, and the world went black. The left eye was completely intact, looked perfectly normal. Just looking at him, you'd never know he'd lost his sight. Mello pushed him away, but was pressed back against the wall. He went limp, trying to hold back treacherous tears. The tear ducts on the scarred side were working, according to Matt. Though Mello couldn't feel the salty wetness when it slid down his cheek until it touched his lips, until he tasted it.

"Can Mello see me?" The blond shook his head. Near put his mouth against the blonde's left ear, whispering quietly. "Can Mello hear me?" The blond was very still, not responding. It wasn't that he was ignoring the albino, he had no idea that Near had spoken. "The light from the explosion blinded Mello, and the resulting sounds deafened him. He is very lucky that his ride side is fully functional. It is, isn't it?" Near whispered this last into the blonde's good ear, and Mello nodded.

"Go ahead, say it. I've been beating myself up for it, it's your turn." Near responded by licking at the raised flesh, noting the odd, but not unpleasant way it felt on his tongue. "Whatever you're doing, I can't feel it." Near sucked on the skin of the left side, and the blond stared straight ahead, his muscles tensing. Near bit it, and still there was no response. "Stop. Please don't touch it. Don't look at it. I can't stand it." Mello tugged at the pajama bottoms, and wrapped his hand around Near's dick to distract him. He was horrified that the albino was still hard after having had the disgusting marks in his mouth, but he continued to stroke the younger boy in hopes that he would forget about it, concentrate on the half of Mello that was still bearable to look at.

"I told Mello, the scars have only made him more precious and beautiful to me. They are a perfect example of what I almost lost due to my stupidity." Near tugged the blonde's pants off, and they both stepped out of their clothes, kissing as they made the way to the bed. Near threw his top aside, and lay half over the blond, keeping his scarred side closer. "There is no part of it that has sensation?"

"No." Near knew that this was a lie, that the edges looked less severe, that the nerve damage might not be complete. Mello just did not want him to touch that part. He saw himself as a monster, but Near only saw an angel that had lost confidence, that needed to be taught again how precious he was. The blond had all but lost his erection, though Near's hand went to the older boy's dick as he licked along the outside edges of the scar on his neck. "Oh...god." Next the albino paid careful attention to the shoulder, the collarbone, making the blond gasp and raise his hips. Mello tried to pull him away, but Near continued and soon the blond was hard again, thrusting into Near's hand as he nipped the overly sensitive tissue. It seemed to have more feeling than the smooth skin of his good side, was somehow incredibly pleasurable. "Stop it! It hurts, stop it."

"It does not hurt. It feels good. Mello is just embarrassed. Does he not see how turned on I am by being allowed to pleasure my lover so thoroughly. Mello may have lost his sight and hearing on this side, but he seems to have gained a rather interesting erogenous zone to make up for the loss." Mello took the albino's hand from around his dick, biting a fingertip. Near pushed the finger into the blonde's mouth, effectively quieting his complaints. "Suck." The albino commanded, and Mello complied, taking three of the younger boy's fingers into his mouth and wetting them while Near continued to kiss the edges of his scars. "Does Mello do this alone? Does he think about me late at night? I certainly fantasize about him when I masturbate."

Near's hand found it's way between Mello's legs, and the blond raised his hips, moaning when just the tip of a single finger pushed into his ass. "Fuck. Yes, oh god Near, please." The albino smirked, pushing the finger deeper, thrusting in and out, intentionally missing the prostate. "Bastard. Did you forget where it was?" Near added another finger, crooking the digits when they sank inside the blond, finding the sensitive spot and pressing hard into it. "_Unh_."

"Apparently not." Near added the third finger, thrusting in and out, too slow for the blond. Mello pulled him down with a handful of white curls, kissing him while his hips bucked up, encouraging the younger boy to go faster, deeper. "I told Mello that I wanted to take my time. I plan to have him at my mercy before the night is over. Begging will only encourage me to take even more time."

Mello was not about to lose his control, not now when he felt the heat traveling to his center, practically burning him up as Near kissed his scars and thrust into him with long pale fingers. The albino's hand looked paper white between Mello's perpetually tanned thighs, and Near looked so cute when he stared adoringly into the older boy's eyes each time he pressed against that spot, making the blond whimper and claw at the bed. No, he was not going to let Near have this much control. He was already about to come, knew that he'd be no more than a mumbling mess if he went this way.

The blond wrapped a hand around Near's erection, effectively stopping him from torturing the blond further. The albino removed his fingers, laying the hand over Mello's as the blond continued to stroke him. "Don't you want me? Don't you want to be in me when I come?"

"I know for a fact that Mello is able to do that more than once in a night. Several times, actually." Despite this, Near was already off the bed, racing back as quickly as he could, a bottle of lube already open in his hands. "Mello is not helping. If he does not wish for me to come before I am able to penetrate him, then it would be wise for him to stop that." The blond had sucked on his own fingers, rolling over and pushing himself up onto his knees so that the younger boy could watch as his hand slipped between his thighs, as he pushed his fingers into his ass.

"Then hurry the fuck- _unh_. Near..." The albino sat on the edge of the bed, licking just above the crack of Mello's ass. The blond extracted his fingers, stilled as he waited for the albino to fuck him. Instead, Near grabbed a hip and rolled the blond onto his back again, coating his erection with the lube while Mello watched impatiently. "What's wrong with you? You said you wanted me at your mercy..."

"It is not worth it if I can not look at Mello's beautiful face." Near stroked a scarred cheek, and this time Mello didn't turn away. He was finally convinced that Near had meant what he said, that he really was still pretty, at least to Near. The albino kissed both sides of Mello's neck, each shoulder, then held one of his hands as he positioned himself between the blonde's legs. "It has been so long, forgive me if I can not last." Near kissed Mello as he entered him, pulling one leg around his waist and putting a hand under the older boy's back to help lift his hips and ease the entry.

Near took his time, though it tortured him, and he made sure to never miss Mello's spot with each thrust, to kiss along both the scarred and smooth sides of the blonde's face and neck when the older boy came. The blond wished he could feel Near's lips and tongue over the rough surface of the scar tissue, but it was enough knowing that Near wanted to, that he found it attractive.

Mello stroked Near's hair as he came inside him, twirling his fingers in the soft white curls, tugging slightly the way he remembered the younger boy liked. "Please, don't get up. You can stay there all night if you want." The albino was still inside the blond, pushing himself up and preparing to get out, but the blond didn't want to lose the connection this time. It might hurt in the morning, but right now there was nothing he wanted more. They both needed to be reassured that the other was there, and there was no better way than to let the albino sleep on him, _in_ him.

Despite his previous convictions, Near felt that there was no better time to further reassure the blond of his affection. He kissed the older boy, held his hand. He was careful not to shift his lower body, not wanting his teenage hormones to ruin the moment. If he became aroused again then he could not say it. It would make him look like a liar. But he couldn't wait until morning, couldn't wait another minute. "Mello, I love you."

"Thank you," Mello paused, eyelids growing heavy with exhaustion. It had been better than ever before, they'd been free to make love without either of them letting the doubt in. "I love you too."

* * *

Hal ran a hand through her hair for the hundredth time on the way to her employer's room. She took several deep breaths, in and out, in and out. It was a normal morning ritual, she tried to remind herself. Like every day, she would knock on the door, waiting for the albino to stir from sleep, if he was sleeping at all. He would appear finally, hand her a transformer to carry in exchange for a pile of folders or a cell phone, and together they would make their way to the main room where they would remain until the early hours of the following morning.

This morning was different however. First of all she'd done something rather embarrassing herself, and as nicely put back together as she hoped she looked, Near would no doubt realize what had transpired. The albino had little to no sense of tact, once telling Gevanni that his lady friend's perfume was obnoxious to the senses, and would he please shower before coming to work. Seeing that the charming English teen she'd spent the night with was practically related to her boss, she would no doubt have to deal with Near's comments.

That aside, there was still the matter of Mello. Matt had assured the SPK officer that the former rivals would have made up by morning. But Matt had not seen them here the last time, had not seen the cold, uncaring look as Near sat with a gun pointed at the back of his head, he had not seen the determination in Mello's eyes to pull that trigger. Maybe they'd been vicious with each other as children, but they were adults now, and had no mentor left to impress. They had only a memory to which each was clinging, and very little left in their young lives to hope for, other than beating one another, once this Kira thing was over.

In fact when Hal had been dragged out of the room Mello had had a knife at Near's throat. She knew the albino was capable of defending himself, fragile as he looked, but she also knew that while Mello never went anywhere unarmed, Near almost always refused to even look at a weapon. The blond would have the upper hand, if it came to it.

She'd seen the monitors this morning as she entered the building, but still was surprised when there wasn't a body in the main room. Of course Matt had said that if there were one, the other would follow. So, all was well so far.

"Near?" Hal called out before even knocking, trying the handle as she did. It was locked, damn it. No...that was good. It meant someone he was inside, alive. Thank goodness. "I know I may be over stepping my bounds in saying this, but, Near I'm worried. It's past noon. You never sleep in. Are you alright?"

It was possible that he'd just gotten distracted, that he was so lost in picking apart clues in his head that he had separated himself from the real world. It was possible that this was just another 'absent minded genius' symptom and that he was curled up on the floor, stacking tarot cards while watching five different news stations in three languages.

She was getting worried now, knocking again and calling his name louder. She should never have listened to that crazy redhead! "Near! I'm counting to five then I'm kicking the door in! Do you hear me!"

The door swung open, just as Lidner had been prepared to kick it in. There was the white t-shirt, messily buttoned and hanging off of thin shoulders. But the body inside was wrong, too tall for one, and lacking the matching pajama bottoms. Still the top hung to mid thigh, though a slightly tanned and bare chest could be seen through the thin fabric, as well as a pair of black boxer-briefs. "Just what the fuck do you want?"

The blond stretched, which caused the top to ride up, and the woman blushed when treated to a clear view of the teen's underwear. She looked away, covering her eyes and trying to remind herself that this was forbidden territory. She couldn't help but still be attracted to Mello, who could? However the current images running through her mind were more confusing than attractive, and now she was sure that she'd never be able to look at Near the same way. She had not believed it when she'd been told, but apparently the albino really was the...top in the relationship.

As if on cue, the younger of the two appeared from under a mass of blankets and sheets, nude from the waist up. From her position in the doorway, Hal could clearly see most of the teenagers' clothing on the floor, which meant that her employer was most certainly not wearing anything else. "Mello..." Not once in their time together had the woman heard the albino whine, but that was exactly what he'd done when speaking the older teen's name. He'd even pouted as he patted the open space in the bed next to him. "I demand that Mello brings his pretty ass back to my bed now. Also, Hal should close her mouth. That expression is not very becoming of a lady."

"Near, don't be a dick." The blond looked over his shoulder to shoot his boyfriend a warning glance, but the albino only smirked and raised an eyebrow. If Hal had been any less emotionally scarred she might have taken the time to count how many different expressions Near had just made in the space of a few minutes.

"Oh- oh, ah, I'm terribly sorry...I didn't realize you were..." Was there even a proper word to use? One that wouldn't have her blushing anymore, one that might help her keep her dignity? And why couldn't she turn her eyes away from him? The former Secret Service agent wanted to hug Matt for delaying her so this morning, she could only imagine how much worse this might be if she'd walked in earlier, if she'd broken the door down to see...

Suddenly the blonde's usual aggravating smirk was gone, replaced by an angry sneer, not unlike the one that he'd had when threatening Near last. Hal actually took a step back, her hand hovering over the gun in it's holster, ready to draw even on the tiny, unarmed teenager. This look could move mountains. Of course it had already. Mello was so small, so /pretty/ (not handsome, pretty) that many might forget what he was capable of, but not Lidner. This child had climbed to the top of Rod Ross' gang at an age when most hadn't even graduated high school. He had stared death itself in the face and...well, the crazy little shit had blown himself up and lived to tell the tale.

"What the fuck are you looking at, huh?" For a moment the woman was lost, until the younger blond shook out his hair and lowered his head so that the majority of the scar was covered. Then he wrapped his arms around his chest, still glaring, though not meeting the girl's eyes. It seemed as if he was trying to decide whether to lash out, or be ashamed. Matt had warned about this already, saying that if you looked at Mello too long, even if you were just meeting his eyes while speaking, he'd think you were staring at the scars and quickly become defensive.

"N-nothing...I'm not staring at anything. I'm..." Hal stuttered, hands wildly waving in the air, before laying a palm over her face and sighing loudly. "Mello," she spoke through her hand, "please, I know what you were thinking and that is not the case at all."

Behind them Near had been watching the exchange, wondering how long before it would get out of hand. Hal was an excellent government agent, one of the best he'd ever meant, and had done fine in undercover missions. However, as most often did, she seemed lost when dealing with Mello's sudden temper changes. The albino decided that now would be the time to help her out a bit. She worked so hard for him. Anyway, he could not stand to see Mello there hurting.

Near wrapped a sheet around himself, managing to not trip on the excess that dragged on the floor behind him. He made his way behind the older teen, wrapping the sheet around him while kissing the nape of his neck. The blond sighed, and Near could feel some of the tension oozing out of him and drifting away. Near nipped at the older boy's shoulder while tightening his hold around the thin waist, pressing their bodies closer together. Still he had to wait, knowing that while Mello was relaxing it would be easy to set him off again, that the slightest provocation might have him storming out and doing something insane. Again.

Hal had lowered her gaze, feeling even more embarrassed at witnessing such a private moment. She would have liked to see the expression of total devotion and affection on Near's face again, but the slight glimpse she'd gotten when the albino cuddled the older boy was enough to have her smiling and calming herself. That is, until the little brat spoke again.

"Mello should not be bothered so. Hal was not staring at his scars in a negative way. She was admiring Mello's gorgeous body. Though in my opinion Mello would be a lot prettier if he'd take the rest of his clothes off again. It is time for Hal to leave, now, so we can have sex again."

Before either blond could utter a word, the eldest member of the SPK had strolled by. Rester had only caught a glimpse, heard a few words, but even with the warnings he'd received, he had not been prepared for that. The substitute Watari doubled his pace down the hall, breaking into a jog when he thought himself out of sight. The albino seemed completely oblivious to this, his nose pressed into the back of Mello's neck, but the other two had noticed and could not help but break into fits of laughter.

"Someone should have warned him, poor bastard." Mello spoke when he was finally able, while trying to push the insistent albino away long enough to finish the conversation with Hal. He was feeling quite sure of himself now, since Hal was indeed blushing and turning her gaze from the couple. Matt had been right! She did have a thing for him. It felt nice...if not a little strange.

"I...did...actually..." Hal managed to spit out between gasps. She couldn't feel too bad for Rester, as she was currently suffering herself. And he had been made aware of the history between the two, and had known that Mello had not left the building the previous night.

Just then, as if both the boys thought that the moment wasn't quite uncomfortable enough, as if they thought that Hal had had her laugh and they both preferred the previous discomfort, they kissed. Mello had initiated it, turning his head just enough to catch the lips of the younger boy. She knew it was more show than actual need, as she could see when their tongues met, could hear her employer's moan of encouragement. Mello turned around, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy's neck. The sheet dropped and Hal felt as if she were witnessing one of those train wreck moments when you don't want to see it, when your eyes can't even believe what their witnessing but you're just unable to avert your gaze and save the mind from burning the image forever into memory.

Hal remembered a morning when she'd had to drag the little one out of bed, when not even bringing a pile of toys and dumping them in his lap had made him get up. She yanked the blanket off, been given a view of the child wearing absolutely nothing. Her first thought had been concern at how thin he really was. The pajamas that he insisted wearing every day clung to his thin frame, hung off his shoulders like he was made of wire and skin, not muscles and bones. She'd felt motherly towards him then, able to see him nude and think of him as just a little boy as she helped him into his clothes. It was what made her surprised to find out that Mello took the 'female' role in the relationship. Near had looked so small that morning, so innocent when he only lifted his arms and allowed her to do up his buttons.

Now the sight of his nudity only made the woman blush, finally avert her eyes when it was becoming obvious that Near was quite enjoying the kiss that was deepening still. She cleared her throat, and thanked whatever gracious being that looked out for her when Mello pressed his body fully against Near's, just so she didn't have to see the albino's physical reaction. She cleared her throat when Near grabbed one of Mello's legs, his hand on a thigh to support it around his waist. Mello sighed, throwing his head back, looking over his shoulder and winking at her.

"Alright, children, that is quite enough. There is work to do and I expect both of you to be downstairs and fully dressed, in your _own_ clothes in five minutes." She was ignored. "I mean it! Near, Mello, get your skinny asses downstairs right this instant!" Hal marched away then, seconds later hearing the click of the bedroom door shutting, a fit of giggles from the blond inside. They'd be down. They'd had their moment.

* * *

It was another fifteen minutes after the former CIA agent had made her way to the main room before the couple joined. She was quietly setting up the communication equipment as she waited, assisted by a redheaded computer genius that was being surprisingly professional at the moment.

"Hey, afternoon sleeping beauty!" Matt turned to see his best friend smiling hand in hand with Near. "I'm glad you two have made up, but have you got to be so obvious about it. That's bloody disgusting." Knowing how difficult it had been for the two to let go of their pride, how happy his best friend was to have his lover back again, it would have been smart of the redhead not to make such a fuss, but it couldn't be helped. Nothing in this world would halt the turning of his stomach when he thought of them together, when he saw the way Near kept looking at Mello's ass in his leather pants.

"Matt is only jealous, and possibly sexually frustrated." Near knew better of course, saw the way that his female employee blushed and squirmed uncomfortably next to the hacker. He'd thought Hal somewhat uptight when they first met, and she was often quick to annoyance, to bitching at the men around her for no apparent reason. But this morning she had seemed light on her feet, and had had...well, Mello called it 'sex hair'. Not that the albino wouldn't have figured it out on his own, but Mello had stated that Matt did in fact have a thing for older women, and Hal was very pretty, almost as pretty as his Mello...He suspected that if something hadn't happened yet, that it would soon.

"Wrong again, mate. I'm quite satisfied, thank you." The hacker debated momentarily on whether or not to slap his lady friend on the ass to punctuate his statement. He made due with smirking in her direction, laying a hand over hers where she gripped the armrest of her chair. Of course it was slapped away. The redhead laughed, jumping back as if he'd been burned. The look she gave him could have stood it's own against one of Mello's patented 'don't fuck with me' expressions.

"Can we please get to work? It's going to be a long afternoon as it is, and much of it has already been wasted." Hal cast a glance at Mello and Near, rolling her eyes when she was ignored. The blond had been pulled into the lap of the younger boy, was now straddling Near's hips. "Mello! Near! I swear on my badge I will separate the two of you and lock you away. Maybe I was wrong, maybe your friend Matt here would be better suited to confront Kira."

"Well, considering the plan my best mate has come up with, you might very well be right. Eh, Mello?" Immediately the blond froze in his actions, turning to cast a glare in Matt's direction. He still wasn't sure if he was going to go through with it, especially now. But as much as he cared for the albino he just couldn't bring himself to conjure up the faith in the younger boy to carry out whatever his plans might be. Matt had said he was willing to go along with it, apprehensive as he seemed.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." The blond looked nervously from the albino to the redhead, casting the later an icy stare, willing him to shut his mouth. He hoped Matt could see what he was imagining, all the times he'd beaten him up as a child, how much stronger and faster he was than the redheaded teen. Matt just smiled, reaching into a pocket for his cigarettes. He placed one between his lips, looking from each person in the room and back to his work, daring anyone or anything to deny him of his vice.

It'd been killing Matt since the night that the blond first proposed the plan. At first it seemed like nothing more than Mello's depression getting the better of him, his thoughts rambling psychotically as they did when he was under too much stress. In fact, the idea sounded so crazy that the hacker not only believed it impossible to actually work, but that the blond wouldn't even dare go through it. After all the insane bullshit schemes that Mello had dragged his friend into, this one was the worst. There was no way in hell he'd do it. No way in fucking hell.

That was until the evening before he'd spoken to Hal. It had been late, the gamer tapping away peacefully on his PSP, occasionally cheering loudly as he cleared a level. It was rare for Mello to sit around and do _nothing_ but there he'd been, seated closely with his best friend, smiling and patting him on the back when the younger boy pumped his fist in the air. He'd cleared his throat several times, and when Matt was finally annoyed at the disturbance enough to ask if Mello would like him to fetch something to drink, the blond had quietly trod into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of liquor. That was when Matt set down the game without even bother to save, trying to wrench the bottle from his friend's hands.

The redhead had been allowed to take the liquor, and soon realized that it had been meant for him anyway. He'd laughed as he took the first swig directly from the bottle, though he knew that bad news was about to come. He'd joked, asking if Mello was about to tell him he was pregnant or something, and the blond did laugh. The noise ended up in a sound like a hiccup, muffled by the older boy's face in his hands. It was the only way, he said. There was no other option. He was sorry. He needed Matt's help, but he wasn't going to ask him to die for him. For the cause, yes, for the world, for L's memory, but not for him.

They'd hugged, Matt promising that if he were to go through with the plan, the insane suicidal mission that couldn't possibly work, that he would be doing it for Mello. The redhead knew without a shadow of a doubt that the plan was for Near, it was obvious even as Mello went on and on, more convinced with each sentence. He was doing this because Near was too stupid to solve the case on his own. The albino didn't have the guts, the ambition, the skills to see it through. But Matt knew the real reason. Near was not the self-sacrificing type, sure, but it had already been proved that no matter the precautions taken Kira would prevail against them all. The blond had decided that life wasn't worth living anymore, had all but given up. Maybe a part of it was to have the last laugh. If he solved the puzzle, put all the clues together before Near's eyes, then he would have won. Of course he'd be dead, but then there would be no contest. Mello would be the ultimate hero, and even if it /did/ fail, how could he know? You can't argue with a dead man.

So he made promises, he made arrangements. The hacker spent the night loading weapons into his car, tracing the routes with printed out maps, serving Mello all the chocolate treats he could stand while the blond went over the fine details. He kept promising that they'd live, that all he meant to do was kidnap Miss Takada and get her to confess. He was terrifying like that, he stated with a great deal of pride. Of course the hacker was somewhat at fault for it, having hacked into Near's system and collected information that the albino had stolen from the Japanese police. Miss Takada was Kira's spokeswoman, which was suspicious enough, but further spelling out her guilt was the fact that she was meeting with a member of the Japanese police force regularly.

In Near's headquarters, the hacker pulled out the information he'd saved, all their careful planning and maps, and displayed them on the wall of monitors above their heads. He expected his friend to jump out of his seat, to pummel him for tattling. Mello only sat in Near's lap, looking vaguely guilty. It was unusual for the blond to react this way, which was a good sign. Matt had been right to panic, to seek help from the beautiful blond agent at the last minute. Their plan was only a few days away from completion. And, hey, if Mello did kill him right here at least he'd gotten laid one final time.

"Mello's plan was genius, really, if you think about it. I don't know all the details, 'cause the bastard doesn't trust me. Rightfully so, I suppose." The redhead waited for the inevitable, for Mello to pounce on him like that time at Wammy's, when they'd been working on a project together, and Near had casually asked Matt for the details. The foolish redhead had answered, too distracted with a game to think that maybe Near wanted the information to get a head up above the blond, to know what his competition was. The albino had come out first in the end, thanked Matt for his help right in front of the blond. That had been the second time the hacker had had his arm broken before the age of ten. He didn't like to think about the first.

No one dared interject as the hacker laid out what details he was aware of, ticking off the obvious reasons why it was a really shit idea on his fingers.

"I can't believe we're still friends..." The blond growled, rising from the albino's lap to stalk towards the redhead. A pale hand came out, grabbing the older boy by a chain hanging from his belt. The blond was yanked back into Near's lap, his face inches from the albino's accusing glare.

"Mello and I will speak of this later. At this moment, he is in _my_ headquarters, and _I _am in charge." The couple were both stubborn in their own ways, Mello usually pulling a weapon to make his point, where Near delegated to get his own across. He gestured to Rester, then Gevanni. "If Mello has a problem with that, I believe there are plenty of rooms where he could be sent to relax while he thinks about where he went wrong. I am sure my colleagues would be more than happy to escort him to a cell if he wishes to argue."

"Thanks Near." Matt winked at the albino, for once feeling a sense of comradary with the younger boy. Hal set straight to work on connecting them to the imposter L's line, open for communication as previously agreed.

"As Mello will soon hear, I have everything under control." The albino kissed the blond, silencing him and stilling his struggling in the younger boy's lap. "Mello wishes to speak with Kira, yes?" The blonde's eyes opened wide with shock, turning to the screen just as the gothic styled L appeared.

"Hello N." Mello ran to the screen, grabbing the microphone, his finger shaking as it hovered over the button. Near slowly uncurled himself from his seat, standing behind the older boy, finally pressing the button for him when his lover began to shake.

"Hello L. Are we prepared to make final arrangements?" The albino curled a lock of hair around a finger while he spoke, and as the sly smile that Mello hadn't even realized he'd missed appeared on the younger boy's face, the blond couldn't help but wrap his arms around him, kissing his neck as he taunted Kira. Mello whispered something into the albino's ear, and the members of the SPK all stood with their mouths gaping open as Near blushed before kissing the blonde's lips.

The arrangements were made, one of Near's monitors displaying a countdown to the meeting at the Yellow Box Warehouse. Now that it was all in place, Mello was feeling more than a little embarrassed at his plans. He'd apologized over and over, telling Near that he wouldn't have gone through with it now that they were together again, he would never dream of leaving the younger boy now. The albino of course didn't believe a word of it, demanding that all exits be blocked and surveillance be doubled.

Matt and Hal were already arguing over their plans on where they'd stay, the redhead trying to invite himself back to Hal's apartment. "Come on, love, you know you'll feel bad if I die and you rejected me on my last night alive." Mello made a show of gagging when he overheard this, though he was secretly glad that his friend was preoccupied. He still felt terrible for dragging his friend into this, couldn't believe he'd even thought to ask. He was still hoping to convince Near to have Matt locked away during the confrontation. "Oh, sure, Mello. Like you're not torturing the lot of us with that display."

"Matt is just jealous." Near had made his way to the center of the room, surrounded by carefully arranged rows of dominoes. Mello kept reaching out, threatening to poke at the first block. The albino playfully slapped his hand away a few times, before finally giving up and pushing the older boy onto his back. The blonde's arm flew out and the tiles fell one by one, the last toppling over by Rester's feet. The substitute Watari cleared his throat, turning away from the scene.

"Gevanni, I think it's time we packed up for the evening. Care to have a beer with a friend?" Blushing heavily, Gevanni turned to see his employer laying on top of a leather clad teenager, sucking at an exposed collar bone while the older boy gripped a fist-full of white curls.

"Just one?" The brunette asked, grabbing his wallet as he made his way to the elevator. Rester threw his coat over his shoulder, jogging to catch up with his younger coworker just as a low moan escaped the lips of a very distracted young blond. Near's fingers were digging into one of Mello's hips, and the older boy responded by opening his legs and allowing the albino to lay between them as they kissed and pawed at each other.

"Yes, do get out." Near called as they piled into the elevator, Matt and Hal close behind.

"Love you, Mells." The redhead called, his arm slipping around Hal's waist. She mirrored the gesture, deciding she might as well give in to the charming hacker. He was cute, brilliant, and her employer was currently undressing the former object of her affections anyway. Also, this young man had yet to pull a gun on her. The woman shook her head, clearing her mind of the confusing thoughts. She needed a drink as well.

The blond pushed Near away long enough to wave and blow a kiss at his best friend. "Love you too Matty. Now get out."

The peace between them lasted for no more than two minutes, Near trying to silence Mello when he could see the proverbial wheels turning, Mello trying to push Near away but struggling with his own desires to just let go. But it was impossible for the blond, there was no way he was going to let the albino win _any_ argument, let alone something this monumental.

"You know I'm right. What the hell are you going to do when you get there, huh? You have no solid proof." Near placed a palm over the blonde's mouth, drawing back quickly when he felt the older boy's mouth open, ready to strike. Mello did not like to be silenced. "Come on, Near. I can see it now. You just going to point at him and say, 'you're Kira' and expect them to believe you? This is fucking ridiculous."

The albino tried a different approach, pulling the blond into his lap, kissing him and whispering for him to just please be still for a moment. The blond almost gave in when the younger boy began kissing him, tugging at his belt. Either of their plans could be fatal, and Matt had said it himself. Wouldn't they regret it if they didn't take the chance to enjoy each other before it was too late. The albino felt his worries melting away, sensing that he'd won when the blond moaned in encouragement at the younger boy's mouth on a nipple. "I believe it is time for us to retire to bed, don't you think?"

"Uh huh." The blond had began unbuttoning Near's pajama top before he realized what was going on. The bastard had almost tricked him into it, had almost distracted him. Mello leapt out of the younger boy's lap, standing and placing his hands on his hips. Near almost laughed at the sight. The blonde's skin was already flushed, his breathing uneven. But Mello was stubborn enough that he was able to ignore his desires, was able to concentrate on the fight. "No! You fucking know I'm right, goddamn it!" Mello sighed. "I'll admit there's some flaws in the plan, yes, but it's the only way to do it. We have to be sure. There's only one way to do it."

"If I agree to it, will you shut the hell up?" Near looked to his lap, frowning. He'd gone years without the blonde's touch, had managed to mostly keep his cool and ignore his teenaged hormones. Now with the older boy standing there, vest unzipped, pacing back and forth like a caged animal, he couldn't think straight. Near waited, sensing that the blond wouldn't trust him even if he swore to follow his lead. However, Mello did have a point. There was no way of knowing if the notebook in Mikami's possession was authentic. So as much as he'd have liked to follow in their mentor's footsteps, to tell just a little white lie and then continue on as he saw fit, he had to agree. They had to test it.

"That's pretty much the only way." Mello smirked, coming to sit back in the albino's lap. It was lovely to finally have the control he felt he'd lost in the relationship, to have the upper hand. Matt had asked thousands of times why he _allowed_ Near to be the top in the relationship, and he'd explained that Near actually had very little control because of that fact. Not to mention the blond preferred it that way, but he wasn't about to say that aloud. At least not in the redhead's presence.

"I will go along with it. But Mello has to assure me that he will survive it. I will not tolerate a sacrifice of his life, for whatever reason. If Mello dies it would destroy me."

* * *

Most of the team had complained, saying that as ex law enforcement agents it went against everything they'd learned. It went against not only their promises when given their various titles, but their very morals. Mello had shrugged it away, saying that once they'd signed up for the SPK they'd done the same thing. This hunt was suicide, every time they went undercover, Hal following Misa, Gevanni following Mikami, they were putting their lives on the line. It was no different for him and Matt, though the plan wasn't exactly textbook.

The redhead had actually been quiet when Near and Mello explained how they'd joined minds (for once) and covered the details. It was simple really, and should go off without a hitch if everyone followed orders to the letter. Still, when the morning of the kidnapping came, Matt had been pacing Hal's living room throughout the night, chain smoking and muttering to himself. When Hal awoke, the redhead was standing by her kitchen table, his weapons laid out before him. Lidner came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his naked upper body. He stubbed out his cigarette, turned to kiss her. There were tears in his eyes, and the woman knew well enough to ignore them, that it would do no good to point out his nervousness, or let her own fears show. She placed the redhead's goggles that had been hanging around his neck back over his bright green eyes, unable to see the redness in them anymore.

"Above all else, you're to make sure Mello gets out. That is top priority. I was third for a reason love. It's my duty to support them. I have no desire to walk over their corpses and take the title." Matt tried a smile, though his hands were shaking when he laid one against the woman's cheek. "I fucking hate your boss. I really do. But I want them both to see this through."

* * *

Near waited until the last minute to make his own complaints, trying to pull Mello back into bed as he dressed in his biking gear. He'd pulled the helmet over his head so that the albino couldn't distract him anymore with pleading kisses. Mello had been surprised to see the younger boy pick up his weapon, checking that it was loaded and the safety was on before tucking it into the blonde's pants. "Never thought I'd see you touch one of those. Who taught you how to use one?"

"L." The single letter was spoken so quietly that Mello could barely hear it, and when Near had spoken he looked away, as if it was blasphemous to use it, though he'd been going by the title for some time. He still felt guilty about that, knowing that Mello didn't think him even close to worthy of the name. "I love you Mello."

"I love you too Near." The blond pulled up the visor of his helmet to look the albino in the eyes. They held hands, watching the clock ticking down the seconds until they'd have to leave. "Whatever happens, I love you. I should never have left the way I did. I know now why you said it. I understand." Mello was thankful for the visor, glad that his lover couldn't see his blush. "I was jealous of Hal when we met. She got all the months I missed with you. I wish I could have them back." The albino opened his mouth to speak, but the blond held up a hand for him to wait. "If I don't survive, and you find someone else, I'll come back to fucking haunt you. Got it?"

"Mello does not have to worry. As I have said, if he dies, I will die with him." Mello knew better than to try for one more kiss, that they'd had the moment last night and it would only cheapen it to have it again now. Neither of them had been thinking of anything but one another when they made love last, and one more touch would be poisoned with their fear and doubts. They didn't even say goodbye. Mello walked out, clutching his rosary and praying that it would all go smoothly. Maybe he didn't deserve it, but Near needed him and god just had to let him come back. He couldn't hurt the younger boy like that again. Though he had not voiced it, the promise that he'd return hung heavy in the air between them. Mello had left the Near once and he begged god not to force him to do it again.


	4. Refusing To Go Down

A/N: Deeply sorry for the delay but It's all finished and I'm posting the last few chapters now to make up for it! Enjoy!

REFUSING TO GO DOWN

Matt was still choking on the smoke as the car spun, his vision hazy through the fog of it for several seconds. It was long enough for him to worry that he might die right here, might make a wrong move and hit a fucking pole, wrapping the car around it before he could lead the police away from the pick up spot. Still he pressed the pedal to the floor, looking through the smoke for any signs of Mello's bike behind him. The blond had been following, had called him once, telling him to 'break a leg'. Mello had been surprisingly calm on the phone as they made their way to the destination, reminding Matt three times of the address for the Yellow Box. Matt knew his friend well enough to know that he was scared shitless that one or both wouldn't be there for the confrontation. The redhead almost felt a swell of jealously when the older boy ended the call by telling him he loved him about ten times. He wondered how many times his friend had said it to Near.

Matt lit a cigarette as soon as he made it past the pick up point, when he heard the multiple sirens blaring behind him. He cranked his radio, thankful that he'd remembered to charge his ipod the night before. Mello hated the music, said it made it impossible to think, but it calmed the hacker more than the nicotine and his favorite hunk of metal sliding around corners at impossible speeds.

Hal had complained about the car, saying that it couldn't possibly handle the mission. It was old, in need of repairs and a paint job, but it was his baby. He owned it fair and square, had fixed it up himself. It was the first present he'd bought himself with the money inherited from L. Now it was certainly proving itself, as he hit the breaks just feet away from the roadblock ahead. How the hell had they gotten ahead of him? Eh, no matter.

The redhead leaned against the steering wheel, preparing himself for the fight. He finished his cigarette, lighting another off the butt of the last while he counted the number of armed police officers waiting for him. He looked to the passenger seat, again hallucinating that he wasn't alone when a pale arm held out the smoke gun for him. He began to tuck it into the back of his vest but the apparition shook his head, pointing to the bodyguards waiting outside for him. "Heh. How can I argue with you, huh mate? You're right."

L shrugged his shoulders, grinning as Matt stepped out of the car with the gun behind his back. The hacker could see the ghost still, wondering again if maybe his fears had been made real, if he lying broken down the road, or if he'd already been shot. He imagined that any minute now L would get out, and Mello and Near would come around the corner to escort him into the afterlife. He briefly considered flipping the eccentric detective off, just for taunting him like this. But it wouldn't do to have the police thinking the gesture was directed at them, seeing as how their weapons were already pointed his way. He thought he heard that deep, toneless voice warning him of something, telling him to react. It seemed as if his arms were on autopilot as he walked to the front of the car, bringing the smoke gun out from his back.

Matt was speaking, though later he'd have no recollection of what he'd been saying, other than it must have been something terribly witty and sarcastic. That was just who he was. He and Mello had always been in a competition to challenge authority.

Voices from all directions were screaming for him to lower the weapon, to not resist arrest. The hacker hadn't even realized he'd pulled the trigger until he lost sight of everything. There was more screaming, and the deafening sound of multiple shots through the fog. He dropped the gun, jogging back to the car. He wove around marked vehicles, finding an opening and driving through it, feeling but not hearing the scrape of metal as his own car shoved it's way through the small space.

Matt had made it half way to the Yellow Box when he realized that each turn of the wheel caused his shoulder to sting. His hearing was finally coming back, just in time for the redhead to hear his own labored breathing and winces of pain when he turned the wheel. He cranked the radio up, only then seeing the blood dripping down his arm and off of his gloved fingers.

"Right. Well... fuck."

* * *

He wasn't dead. At least, it appeared that he wasn't, though his head throbbed and his chest hurt and there was this nagging sense that he had forgotten something. What that was took several moments to figure out, as he straightened in his seat and squirmed under the hold of the seatbelt that had left a bruise on his chest. He couldn't get it off, and this more than anything panicked him, more than the glass shards that were falling out of his hair as he struggled and slammed a fist on the steering wheel.

A knife. A nice, sharp instrument tucked into a boot. His knees hurt, banged up from the crash and if it weren't more important to just get out he might have taken the time to notice how stiff all his limbs were as he finally freed the knife and then cut the seat belt, sagging in his seat and breathing hard, about to jump out the door just as his thoughts finally caught up with him.

Mihael Keehl. They had his name, and that woman, Kyomi Takada, was still in the back of the truck with a piece of paper that had no doubt come from the death note. He turned slowly, thinking that somehow if he looked that it might be the end of him, that he just hadn't died yet because his stubborn mind refused to let go even though his name had been written down and forty seconds had passed.

Sure enough, she sat there, nude and shaking as she clutched the paper. She crawled towards a backpack he'd left back there, full of chocolate bars and a set of clothes and- oh, a packet of matches. Just what was that insane bitch doing now? Takada's hands shook as the first match was struck, only burning her fingertips and wincing, trying again and again until finally she managed to keep the flame going long enough to hold the piece of the death note over it.

Oh shit. Oh god please don't let him die like this, please don't let this happen to him again. Mello watched in horror as the flames took up the debris in the back, as Kiyomi simply lay down and wrapped herself in the blanket that was now on fire too. He had seconds to get out of here, there would surely be an explosion. He could smell the gas leak, taste it on his tongue as he struggled to get the door open, ripping his hands to shreds on broken glass.

He wished he could stop to admire how beautiful the abandoned church was, how the setting sun made the stained glass look alive with it's depictions of the baby Jesus and the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. There was no time, he had to remind himself again and again as he clutched his rosary and tried to navigate around the wreckage. The truck had crashed into the double doors of the entrance, stuck halfway in and out of the church and just where the hell was another exit? There was no way he could make it through this.

Mello was going to burn for his sins, his last living breath would be a taste of what was to come next. So he had done this all to save the world from an (even bigger) evil man, so he had sacrificed his life for the sake of his loved ones and strangers alike. It was still murder, he had known that when he got behind the wheel and watched out of the corner of his eye that if he died she was going with him, he would crash and they'd both go to hell together. He felt for Kyomi Takada, who at this moment was burning alive without so much as a shriek for help, because she had been fooled into believing this was the right way and that her god was Kira. Mello knew better, he knew that killing another, even for the sake of millions, was still wrong.

That hadn't stopped him from pressing that button so long ago in the hideout, from looking into the eyes of a man who was a husband and father, a dedicated police officer that wouldn't kill a young man even when he had been given no reason not to and the choice had come down to him or the teenaged member of a powerful Mafia family.

The explosion came with a deafening boom, a bright light that blinded him as he still ran, now just searching for cover and praying that it would be over quickly. There was no way he was going to live through this, and how fitting was it that this would be how he died?

* * *

"Mello!" Hal dragged the unconscious teen into the back of the car, mentally kicking herself when she realized that he could have possibly broken something and lifting him might cause more damage, but the church was almost already burned to the ground and though he'd somehow managed to make it far enough away not to yet have the flames licking at him they were all still in danger.

"Hal! Do something, wake him up!" Near screeched, scaring the blond woman all the more because never did her employer so much as raise his voice let alone actually scream. "What are you waiting for! Do something!" Near laid a hand over his lover's chest, feeling his heart beating slowly as he let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Hal managed to get the blond boy into the backseat, his head laying on Near's lap, eyes still closed though his mouth opened slightly and he began to mumble incoherently. "Mello, Mello, you're talking nonsense. Open your eyes, kid, you're safe. It's ok, you're in the car with me and Near and it's ok. Come on. Get up, now, you're scaring us."

"Shh, he's praying. Let him finish." The blond woman raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell kind of prayer Near thought the older boy was saying. It sounded like nonsense to her. "It's Croatian. Couldn't you tell?" The woman wanted to remind the albino that unlike he and his friends, she was not a genius with multiple languages at her disposal, but now was not the time to snap at the child. He was petting the little blonde's hair, watching his eyes move under the lids squeezed tightly shut, watching his lips for a sign that Mello was finished before he spoke again. "Mello does not need to bargain for his soul today, he has somehow managed to survive yet again."

"Near...what are you doing here?" The albino smirked, wondering if Mello really didn't expect him to someday burn for being a nonbeliever, or if he was just surprised that the younger man had perished at the same time as himself.

"Does Mello know where here is?" The albino grabbed the blonde's hand, squeezing hard until his eyes finally shot open. Hal had already gotten to the driver's seat, speeding away from the burning wreckage while frantically dialing Matt's cell phone over and over. They hit a bump, and the blond winced, squeezing Near's hand back while the other went to his forehead. "I am sorry, Mello, I know you must be in pain after the accident but we have to hurry. We received a call from Matt a few moments ago. He has escaped his pursuers but he was...injured."

The blond tried to sit up, but the albino pushed him back down and tried to comfort him by petting his hair, rubbing his bare arm. "What- unh, my fucking head. Where's Matt? What happened?" His frightened eyes widened when he tilted his head up to stare at Near, trying to search his emotionless face for some sign of the seriousness of the situation. He was just beginning to feel the soft leather seat under his back, the bony leg supporting his head. "Shit. I'm alive."

* * *

Matt was doing just fine, thank you, though he couldn't quite manage to pick up his phone again and stop the constant buzzing of the Mario theme that had become somewhat annoying in the past few minutes. Mello hated the thing, and now he understood why. His shoulder hurt like hell, his panicked breathing as the sirens of cruisers traveling the streets, coming closer and closer, was killing his head, and now his new girlfriend just wouldn't stop calling.

The redhead laughed at how ridiculous that last thought was, not the girlfriend part but the fact that he was annoyed with her concern. Of course she was worried, the pretty blond that had tried so hard to resist him but quickly gave up and last night was begging him not to go. He was just that charming, getting the stubborn agent to fall for him in just days, despite his disturbing loyalty towards the best friend he had to keep swearing was nothing more than that. Matt couldn't be sure if Hal was just teasing or not when she suggested that best friends didn't do this kind of shit for each other. It seemed that there was a hint of jealousy there, though he had surely made her forget that later in the night.

He just needed a cigarette, then the theme that was playing _again_ wouldn't be so damned irritating. He lifted his injured arm, forgetting about the wound even though it was still steadily oozing blood. He tried the other, but just didn't have the energy to dig in his pockets; to lift a cigarette to his mouth, and shit all he had was matches anyway. That required two hands. Fuck it, he thought, sagging against his seat and sighing heavily. He had enough nicotine in his system anyway; having chain-smoked a pack this morning, half of another on the drive before the proverbial shit hit the fan. If only he could have finished that last one, but the shock of the bullet hitting him had made his mouth fall open and the cigarette drop into a puddle by his feet before he turned and ran.

Just let him live, the hacker prayed to the gaming gods as he fought to stay awake. Just let him live so he could smoke another whole damn pack and drink himself retarded. That was the plan, and fuck all the Japanese police with the guns they weren't even supposed to be carrying and fucking Kira in his safe hiding place, wherever that was. Screw Near and Mello even, with their love/hate relationship, all his time taken up just trying to convince the blond to give up and forget Near, or at least convince himself that his life was worth living long enough to come up with a plan that didn't include their imminent deaths. Screw everybody except for the lovely factories that rolled and packaged his cigarettes, the distributors of that bottle of whiskey waiting for him in Hal's kitchen cabinet.

Most of all, with any luck, screw Hal. Completely, a few times even, Mello and Kira and research be damned because there were three things he wanted more than anything else in the world and he was sure as hell going to get them. He wasn't going to bleed to death or get caught by the police while he was so vulnerable waiting for his friends to get their asses in gear and get him out of this mess. None of that was going to happen because he had _plans_.

* * *

She must be really head over heels for this one; Hal thought when she miraculously found the car that the entire city was still searching for. She must really really like this one because she was starting to cry when she saw the blood on that hideous vest and couldn't see those bright green eyes that always made the ever-present smirk of bored confidence (what the hell did they do to these kids at that orphanage?) look even more infuriating.

The hacker looked only peacefully asleep, the expression on his handsome face somewhat annoyed but otherwise relaxed. Even with all her experience in this field and the obvious fact that the gunshot was in his shoulder, both because she could /see/ it and because he had told her with his rushed message, Hal was still panicking when she opened the driver's side door and pressed a finger to the side of his throat. She checked for pulse, signs of life, waiting for him to jerk awake like he did at the slightest noise in her bedroom for the past couple of days. Now more than ever he should be alert, should be paranoid that any second those idiots that chased after him would find him unconscious and not even bother to wake him before they shot the 'traitor' on sight.

Their lives were all in danger now, and here Matt was calmly sleeping as his shoulder still bled profusely. Hal lifted up his good arm, trying to get the ugly vest off enough to inspect the wound. She almost lost balance on her sensible high heels when she tore the collar of his striped shirt and peeled the soaked fabric away. Hal did stumble when the hacker jerked forward, grabbing her shoulder in a crushing grip, his strength surprising as he held her at a distance with one arm while he blinked lazily up, eyes meeting hers for a fraction of a second before making their way down her chest.

"Goddamn you! I thought you were dead!" Hal wanted to slap the little bastard for that trademark smirk, at a time like this all he could think about was the feminine blouse clinging tightly to her chest, staring without the slightest bit of shame. Later, she reminded herself, later she would beat him within an inch of her life but right now Hal almost felt sorry for raising her voice when the redhead rocked forward and his head fell on her shoulder as she wrapped an arm around his waist and tried to gently lift him out of the seat. "We're going to have a long talk about the seat belt rule when you're feeling better, too."

Later Hal might also reconsider this relationship, as well as her taste in men. It seemed she had been doing nothing but reminding both Matt and Mello to take better care of themselves, to sleep and eat. These were things mothers did, not potential girlfriends. Of course, girlfriends also didn't use their lovers as bait to catch serial killers, or date the best friend of the man she'd been lusting after who turned out to be the long lost lover of her (male) employer. Yeah, when this was all over Hal needed a therapist, a seminar, a good stiff drink and maybe she'd just finally give in to Gevanni's not-so-subtle advances because he was by far more normal and healthy than either of these men.

Still, Hal couldn't help but feel her heart skip a beat when the hacker stirred after being placed in the backseat with his companions. He shook his head, placed a hand over his heart and sighed in relief. Mello was coherent enough so that he took a turn caring for the other boy, even offering him a bar of his precious chocolate, though it was quickly refused. Mello smirked, patting down the redhead's pockets and producing the desired vice, lighting it and then holding his friend's hand while the redhead puffed away without once removing the cigarette to exhale or tap off the ash.

When the hacker was finished, the blond leaned over the albino on his other side and threw the cigarette out the window, then lit another. Now Matt's green eyes were coming into focus, and though all that Hal wanted to do was go back there and mother him or kiss him (seriously, you need help, she thought) she started the car and sped away, watching the three young men through the rear view mirror. Matt cleared his throat, coughed, then finally took the cigarette out of his mouth to speak. "Woman, you almost got me killed, let's not go trying again so soon, eh? Maybe I ought to drive if you refuse to follow those speed signs, that way you'll have free hands to properly thank me for risking my arse out there."

"Oh, and how do you suggest I do that?" The former agent did her best to appear offended at the suggestion that her driving was not up to the (much) younger man's standards, though she smirked when his smile widened into a toothy grin.

"Do not answer that, Mail." Near spoke up, glaring at the redhead while taking Mello's free hand. Though the hacker was obviously not interested, the albino still felt jealously welling up that his lover was paying more attention to his injured friend than himself. He wanted nothing more than to hold Mello, to make love to him again, and here the blond was clinging to Matt like the younger boy might die if he let go. Also, almost as annoying, he felt his cheeks heating up at the way he knew the conversation would go if he didn't stop it soon.

"Oh, come Near. That's not what I meant and you know it, you little pervert." Mello saw the opening for a good little bitch fest between the two younger men, squeezing both their hands and turning his eyes to Hal in hopes she would hurry up and get them home, or at least distract his friend from starting a fight for no reason other than he was too close to the albino and had the opportunity.

"You're name is _Mail_?" The car actually slowed considerably as Hal tried out the word, wondering if this too was made up. If not, it was good to know his real name, made her feel a little less cheap and perverted for hopping into bed with the hacker when she'd never even bothered to ask if the name was the one he'd been born with.

"Yeah, now you know what to scr-" Mello clamped a hand over the younger man's mouth.

"Matt, you're a disturbed little slime ball. Near-" Mello turned to his lover, untangling their fingers and slapping the back of his head. The albino winced, might have even pouted a little but the blond could care less. "I can not believe you would be so stupid as to say that out loud at a time like this. No offense, Hal, but we still can't trust anyone. By the way, close your mouth and step on it. You're too pretty to make that face."

Hal blushed, Matt laughed, and Near continued to rub the back of his head until Mello took his hand again.


	5. Your Eyes See Right Through

YOUR EYES SEE RIGHT THROUGH

It was not surprising that Mello flat out refused to be checked for signs of head injury, internal bleeding, problems with hearing or sight, or any of the other possible problems that Near was listing out now for the third time. The albino just kept taking the blonde's hand even when he was repeatedly slapped away. Mello was fucking busy and Near was shit out of luck unless he was talking merely to keep himself entertained. If so, he at least better do it a bit quieter because it was annoying the blond to no end.

Mello hovered over the makeshift examination table, watching Near's on hand medic tend to the redhead's wound. Wammy's had given them extensive training in medicine, which was part of the reason that the eldest of the three orphans was still alive, thanks to Matt's care of the older boy's severe burns. Now was time to return the favor, and though this injury was nowhere close to as devastating as the older boy's had been, Mello was obviously concerned. It didn't help either him or the medic that the blond was a perfectionist, and confident enough in his own knowledge to have the nerve to question a licensed professional's skill.

"Matt will be fine." Near tried again to push the older boy into a seat where another medic was waiting to examine him. "Mello will leave this to those who are not currently injured themselves. He will allow himself to be checked over if I have to tie him to that chair." The blond turned, resting a hand on the shorter boys shoulder, leaning in close and whispering against his ear.

"Near, baby?" The albino nodded, tilting his head so that his lover had better access, expecting a kiss or playful nip, maybe even for the emotional blond to start crying on his shoulder. "Fuck. You." The albino was pushed back, stumbling just a little but managing to regain his footing and grab his lover, spinning him back around to face him.

"No, Mello. This is my /fucking/ facility and you will listen to me for once in your life and sit the hell down." The words were spoken softly, but the look in the gray eyes was as threatening as the albino could manage. Mello laughed, crossing his arms over his chest and making a show of staring down at the younger boy.

"Let's get one thing straight. We may have made up, we may have both swallowed our pride enough to apologize for stupid mistakes but I can see the wheels turning and I sure as fuck don't like what I know you're thinking. You have not won, you are not suddenly going to start dictating what I say and do, and you'd better let go of the jealously bullshit. I was not at any time fucking either L or Matt, but I do love them both and I've lost one. I will not lose another, especially not to ease your wounded pride. Matt is mine as much as you are. Just keep that in your swelled fucking head. You are /mine/ not the other way around and I will not be-" The rant was cut off when the albino grabbed his lover and hugged him tight, shielding his eyes from the room so they could hear the emotion in his voice but wouldn't see it in his face.

"I am sorry. I cannot say it enough. I am sorry for my mistakes and sorry that I can not express myself the way I wish." Near breathed in the scent of chocolate and leather, of clean skin and Mello sweat and beyond that the scent of smoke and fire. He rubbed his cheek against the blonde's scarred one, kissing the edges that were so sensitive, then the parts that the blond couldn't feel. "I will not back down from my request, however, not because I wish to order my love around but because I can barely remember to take a breath through my concern. If anything were to happen to Mello it would not be because of his stubbornness but because I backed down too easily when I should have stood my ground. There were many times in the past that I allowed Mello to do what he wished, knowing it would harm him in some way but either his temper caused me to give in, or that he would find out that I'd been right and regret it, even if he never admitted it. That time is past, there should be no more competition between us."

Mello took a fistful of curls, pulling Near's head back until it was tilted up when he searched those gray eyes for the meaning behind the speech. "Are you trying to ask me something Near? Is what you're meaning to say, 'please, Mello I'm worried and scared and I want to beg you to assure me that you're ok but I'm too much of a jackass to just get on my knees and do exactly that?'"

The albino stared back in confusion, wondering again if they had both underestimated the blonde's injuries or if he really was insane. Sometimes the words he spoke made little to no sense, might even be partially the fault of a certain redhead. Had he been being sarcastic, was he actually suggesting that if the younger man got on his knees he'd do what he asked? And just what was he supposed to do when he got on his knees? Near had never begged once in his life. He'd been raised from birth at Wammy's, was used to getting everything he could ever desire and before the relationship with Mello all his desires had been quite simple. But now there was a very pretty blond giving him a malicious smirk and all he wanted to do was please this man so that he could breath again.

"Please, would Mello sit down and let someone inspect his injuries?" The albino spoke quickly, practically whispering the rushed request. The blond crossed his arms over his chest, taking just a few steps away from his redheaded friend and towards a rather comfy looking seat where a second medic was waiting impatiently. The man's appearance practically screamed military, from his rigid stance to the crew cut brown hair that was going gray in spots. He was tall, muscular, the last person one would look at and think 'doctor', unless they saw how he carefully took the blonde's hand and led him towards the chair, pulling a flashlight out of his pocket and kneeling in front of the younger man.

"Why should I?" But Mello was already leaning forward, opening his eyes wide as the medic first held up a finger and asked with a surprisingly gentle tone if he would try to follow it as it went side to side.

"You could have a concussion, or internal bleeding. The accident was far more severe than Mello seems to think." The blond turned his head just enough to catch apologetic gray eyes. This was not what had been asked. Near sighed. "Because I am concerned for Mello's well being and it will make me feel better."

"Thank you. That was much easier than it seemed in your head, wasn't it baby?" The albino shook his head in the negative; made Mello laugh and the now impatient medic exhale with a frustrated sigh. It looked wrong on his face, and was a gesture that reminded the blond of Matt, who often blew his hair out of his eyes with that same sigh. Mello tried to imagine the guy with long hair, and the very thought had him giggling and covering his mouth with his hand.

"Excuse me, sir, I mean no disrespect but if you're planning to continue distracting my patient then I will have to ask you to leave." It was impossible to tell which of the two looked more shocked, because no one, not even the fucking president of the United States dared to so much as ask Near to do something he didn't want to. "It appears that you may be more injured than you thought, young man." The medic continued the test with his finger, noticing how the blond tried to turn his head when the digit made it to the scarred side of his face. Mello realized why he had come to the conclusion before Near could utter an 'I told you so'. The blond looked to the ceiling, begging god to just strike one of them down. Only three people in the whole world, including himself, knew about his impaired vision, knew that the explosion he'd barely managed to live through had taken more than some skin and blood.

"Near..." The albino came to the blonde's side, taking up a hand and waiting for his lover to calm. Mello leaned his head on the pajama clad boy's chest, seeking comfort, but as soon as the younger boy touched a scarred cheek, whispered that it was alright, Mello pulled away and sat up straighter.

"I can explain if Mello does not wish to speak about it." The albino wisely stood back, offering his hand still but not taking the blonde's. If Mello needed to share his strength he would go to it, otherwise he might lash out because any such gesture would seem like pity.

"I speak for myself, thank you." The medic patiently waited, sensing he had missed something but not prodding for information. He was currently unarmed, as requested by the tiny white haired boy and his agents. However, the frail looking blond was armed, the gun tucked into the front of his pants and though he looked like the type it probably wasn't for show. This was the SPK headquarters, and while the patient appeared more like a common criminal it was apparent that he was a part of the force. "I have little to no vision in that eye, nor much hearing in the ear. I can see shapes and colors, but it's always as if I'm staring directly into a bright light on that side. So your tests are futile, however I can assure you that I don't have a concussion. I am probably as qualified as you to diagnose this, and you'll just have to trust me on that."

The medic looked to Near for confirmation, who slowly nodded while watching Mello for any signs of an impending tantrum. He seemed calm enough, though he looked to the rest of the SPK to see if anyone had heard, expecting at least some chatter about him driving a motorcycle and carrying a gun all this time with only half his senses at his disposal. No one said a word, though most of them were suddenly very busy doing other things and avoiding any glances to that side of the room.

"Alright, then, you will have to remove your vest so I can assess any damage to the bones or internal organs." This Mello had no problem with, quickly stripping and smirking while all pairs of eyes save Matt and his doctor turned to watch. Hal even had a glance, though her cheeks turned a dark shade of red and she quickly spun around to start talking with Matt again. He was sedated but awake, mumbling about his cigarettes and when could he have a drink and did Halle want to go home yet.

* * *

Even Matt had woken a little from drifting in and out of conscious when Mello hissed in pain for the tenth time. After the medic was finished poking and prodding at him, none too gently he might add, Near had dismissed the medics and taken the blond into his lap. He inspected the injuries for himself, under the guise of affectionately kissing and cuddling the older boy.

"Goddamn it, Near, it's a fucking bruise. Leave it the hell alone or I swear to god I'll give you a few to match and you can play with those." The albino kissed the side of the blonde's neck, pulling the shirtless boy's back closer to his chest. Mello squirmed in his lap, taking his hand away from the large bruise that had formed across one shoulder, down his chest, ending just under the rib cage on the other side. "I've got a clean bill of health, alright? Let go of me so we can- _ahh_." Near had found the spot along the edge of the scar at the blonde's cheek, kissing along it and down to his neck, then nipping an earlobe. "No way, motherfucker. Back off. I am so not in the mood."

"Mello will sit still, I have not finished my own assessment. There could be another injury that was...overlooked." Was the albino serious? Did he really have so little faith in the medical professional that he felt the need to continue this torture? And did he think that Mello could be distracted with a few kisses...even if the spot he was currently nipping at felt really, _really_...nice?

"Guess again." The blond took the albino's hand, teeth clamping down on the fingertips until Near released his hold around the older boy's thin waist. As he made to stand up, sliding forward off pajama clad legs he noticed the problem. Apparently Near had been convinced that his lover was going to live through the evening, and parts of him seemed desperate to celebrate the fact. "Oh." Mello smirked, sliding backwards and eliciting a little moan from the shorter boy. "Feels like you're in just as much pain as me, huh?" The blond ground his ass into the albino's lap, smirking when Gevanni cleared his throat from across the room and Rester took up a pair of headphones to listen to the news feeds on the multiple television screens mounted on the walls.

"I assure Mello that I am only concerned for his well being." Near's fingers dug into the armrests, Mello's hands over his to support his weight as he adjusted again and again in the younger boy's lap.

"Thanks, baby, but I feel just fine. Better than ever. Though, I guess if you really wanted to you could call the medics back. My hip kind of hurts." Mello took the albino's hand, placing it on a hipbone and holding it there. He'd noticed that while the man with the crew cut had been nothing but professional, quietly doing his job, Near had grown more and more irritated while watching another man's hands on his lover. Mello had found a distraction for the embarrassment and slight discomfort, winking and smiling sweetly at the much older man, grasping his shoulder and feigning a wince of pain now and then while watching the jealous albino creep closer and closer until he was sitting on the edge of the chair and glaring at both of them.

"That will not be necessary. They will not be returning. In fact, they are to arrive at Halle's apartment later this evening to watch over Matt. He will need to rest for several days before he can be allowed to continue with our plans, if he must, and I believe that the best place for that would be with Miss. Lidner. It will also do Mello well to rest both body and mind. I am perfectly capable of assuring that he does so on my own." The blond smirked, remembering to teach his lover a key phrase - get the fuck out. It worked so much better than not so subtle hinting, though it was apparent his employees had been trained to recognize the signs that their presence was no longer welcome.

The team packed up quickly, and it took all three of them to help walk Matt to the elevator. He was still drugged up on painkillers, stumbling even with the help of Near's employees, though the redhead still managed to shoot one of his trademark grins at Halle as she put an arm around his back. "No, if we leave, they're going to fuck. I am not letting Near get more than me..." The hacker mumbled, trying to kiss the blond woman but at his considerably shorter stature it was awkward enough with all his wits about him. He managed to brush his lips against her jaw, tripping and almost knocking the older woman over with them. "Come on, love, it's not fair...it's...it's...where was I? I like this shit, whatever it is. When do I get more?"

The redhead managed to charm the older woman even in his drug-induced stupor. She smiled, hugging him closer while careful not to move the heavily bandaged shoulder on the opposite side. "It's alright, Matt, very soon. We've just got to get back to the apartment first, ok?" If the hacker managed to stay coherent long enough for what he was asking, Halle promised herself that she'd let him have it. He deserved it, and this all was her fault anyway. An _apology_ was deserved after all.

Besides, he looked absolutely gorgeous with his bare chest, just muscular enough to not look like the little boy his face and height suggested. His goggles were tucked into the back pocket of his loose jeans and she could see a pair of bright green eyes just begging for attention in any form. Again she mentally kicked herself, having just compared him to a sick little puppy now. At least that was slightly better than a child, though not by much.

* * *

"Ok, Near, that's enough now. We have work to do." Mello again tried to get out of the albino's lap, but was pulled back down and the younger man tucked some hair behind the blonde's ear and kissed his throat again, hand running up and down his chest, scratching over his stomach, then darting just below his waistband. "Ahh...Near, I'm fucking serious. What's gotten in to you?"

"What does Mello mean by that? Can't I just want to touch you? Hold you?" Mello leaned back against the albino's chest, tilting his head up and offering a kiss that was supposed to be just a peck but grew in intensity until he was having a hard time pulling away. The younger boy unfastened the blonde's belt, pulling it out of the loops in one quick tug, then stuck his hand back under the waistband until the taller boy was moaning into his mouth and relaxing in his lap. "I was so frightened that I would never see Mello again, that he would die. Despite all assurances to the opposite, I believe that may have been the plan."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Mello took Near's wrist, laying the arm beside him on the chair and sliding out of his lap. He was on his knees, hands sliding up the albino's thighs and then tugging his pants down just enough to free his erection. "I see we have one thing in common. Do you even _own_ any underwear?" Before the albino could even answer, the blond took Near's dick into his mouth and down his throat, his own hips jerking in response as Near took a handful of hair tugged hard.

"Mello is avoiding the...unh...question." The blond ignored this, head moving up and down while he began to jerk himself off. If anything this would distract the younger boy enough so that he'd forget his conclusions about the day's events and just enjoy the quick orgasm. Now that Mello had lived through the ordeal he was grateful, but at the time he had known that if he did die then it was preordained, decided long before the couple had made up and promised to make it to the finish line together, if not as partners than at least no longer rivals. The blond had taken too many lives; he had used people to get to where he was now and if that had to be paid with his own life than at least he wouldn't have to live with the constant reminders of his sins.

That part was behind them, though there was still the final trial to come and a chance that there would be more casualties. Right now Mello wanted nothing more than to be close to the younger man, to show him again how grateful he was for yet another undeserved chance. And he knew just how to make the albino forget everything but the feeling of his mouth wrapped around his cock and the sight of the blond getting himself off. His stifled moans were making intense vibrations around Near's dick and the albino kept tugging at his hair and trying to focus enough to continue the conversation, but Mello knew just how to drive him crazy and bring about the quickest, most intense orgasm.

Near could have come from just watching the blond jerk himself off, though he couldn't help but push the older boy's head down when he made to pull his mouth away. Then it hit the albino, a little too late but it was painfully obvious what his lover was trying to do. Though it had been years since they'd been together he still remembered each and every time they'd...made love. He should have known sooner, because the last time he'd had the blonde's mouth on his dick and just laid his hand on the back of the older boy's head he'd been bitten hard and lost the privilege for weeks. But now Mello was allowing him to take a handful of fine blond hair and roughly pull, was even taking Near's other hand and placing it on the back of his neck.

The older boy wasn't even touching himself anymore and still Near could feel the hum of what would have been long, loud moans if his mouth wasn't otherwise occupied. He was faking it, pretending that this was getting him off so that Near could relax and enjoy it, would stop accusing his lover of attempted suicide just hours ago. To test the theory, Near jerked his hips up, at the same time taking two fists full of hair and pulling until he felt some of the strands come loose. Mello's hands instinctively went for the albino's thighs to hold him down, the younger boy could even feel the scrape of teeth as his lover drew his head back but when Near only thrust in deeper, triggering his gag reflex. Mello visibly forced himself to relax and let the younger boy do as he wished.

"Mello will release me. Now. My hormones are being used against me." The blonde's eyes opened, blinking innocently as he carried on when Near went still. "I know what you are trying to do and I will not stand for it."

The blond smirked as he pulled back, licked the head of Near's dick while his hand wrapped around it and squeezed. He licked his lips, watching the albino's face while he jerked him off until the younger boy was panting and flushed. Near tilted his head up to the ceiling, hating that he was so easily persuaded with just a touch, hating the way Mello smiled at him when he knew his former rival was miserable inside. Mello grabbed Near's chin, made him face him. "Can't things just be a little less complicated between us? Just live in the fucking moment. If these were our last hours, how would you want them to end? In a fight?"

"If that is what it takes for me to assure you that I value your life, even when you do not, then yes." A brief moment of confusion flashed on the blonde's face, then anger, but he quickly averted his eyes and continued stroking Near until the albino came and sagged in his seat.

"That's what I thought. You're welcome. Now I'm going to have a shower and then get back to work." Mello tucked the albino back into his pants and stood in one graceful move, hips swaying slightly as he headed towards the stairs.

He'd made it across the room before Near stood and shuffled towards him, catching up quicker than either expected. "You didn't orgasm." The albino stated, already mentally chastising himself for such an ignorant statement as soon as it left his mouth. Still, it was the shortest, simplest way to state all of what was on his mind and it bought him a few extra seconds when Mello stopped in mid-step and growled in frustration.

"Yeah, so fucking what? I'm not in the mood." The blond made no move to keep going, but also didn't turn around. He stood stone still, shoulders slumped and head cast down. Even when the younger man wrapped his arms around his waist Mello remained unmoving. "Leave. Me. _Alone_."

"Why? Is Mello upset about something in particular, or is he just behaving this way for the hell of it?" The blonde's hands balled into fists, even when Near's made their way up his chest, pinching a nipple and getting the barest of responses in the form of a gasp and the straightening of his shoulders. The albino tried it again, this time harder, pressing himself against the blonde's back, breathing onto his neck. "I can answer that for you, I am quite sure of the truth now. I believe that Mello is disappointed that he did not die today, because he believed that it was the chance to pay the ultimate price for all the crimes he has committed. Am I wrong?"

"Fuck you." Near walked forward, the older boy having no choice but to take the steps ahead of the albino until he was almost pressed against the wall. He could feel his lover's erection rubbing against his ass, could feel Near's hands shaking as they roamed over him, one darting below his waistband again. "What, does that just do it for you, fucker? All right, yeah, I'm sorry I didn't die today. I love you so much it makes me sick but I don't deserve it. All the shit I did, all the innocent people that died, I'm no better than Kira."

"Thank you, Mello. That was all I needed to know. I can not possibly form the words to assure you that you are wrong, and though I doubt I can ever express my feelings physically either," Near felt the blond getting hard under his hand, despite how still he stood and that his hands had once again balled into fists. "It is the only option I seem to have left. If only Mello knew how beautiful he is, how perfect, better than I even because I might not have felt the guilt he feels. If either of us is deserving of a premature death, it is me. I have lived my short years without any consideration for another, with the exception of Mello. If there is a god than he would be wise to punish me, because all I can think is that I am glad when it came to the choice of Mello or any of those others, that he lived. I am selfish, I would kill anyone that came in the way of protecting my lover."

"You don't know what you're saying. You can't possibly understand. I killed people, Near, I watched men take their final breaths and all I could think was 'how do I get out of this?' All I cared about was living one more day, getting to Kira and then taking his fucking head. Some of them were bound to find an early grave, murders and drug dealers, but they were still _people_ and I had no right. God, and one of them looked me straight in the eye, had a chance to kill me and he didn't. He looked at me and I could see the _pity_ in his eyes, see them soften like he saw something good that was worth saving. He let me live and I fucking killed him anyway. How can you touch me?" The blond punched the wall in front of him, screeched until he couldn't breath anymore and gasped for air only to start the process all over again.

Near held the blond when he finally stilled, rubbed his bare arms as if that would get rid of the chill that was radiating off of him. The younger boy tried to turn Mello around, to kiss him but he only shrugged off the touch and kept his back to Near. "I have fucking had enough of this. If L were here would you listen to him? Mello thinks he knew our mentor so well but what I know is that he would never have placed the guilt on your shoulders. However, L is not here, because L _died_. Now _I_ am justice, and if I know Mello as well as I think I do, if he'd listen to anything it is justice himself. If your god were as blind as you seem to believe, you would have long since been punished. I am not going to lose the only person that matters at all to me over something this fucking ridiculous."

"If you really care about me then you'll let go and leave me the fuck alone." The albino held the blond tighter, because now Mello was really struggling to get away and save himself from this conversation. A part of him could almost believe it, could almost see the sense, but it was just so much easier not to listen because his belief in his eventual damnation had been all he'd had for so long that it was like a security blanket now. It was easier to prepare for death than to allow himself to be happy, because the emotion was so foreign now that it was scary. No, Mello wasn't scared of anything, that wasn't why he struggled in the smaller boy's arms, not wondering why Near was able to hold on when he should be so much weaker. Mello wasn't scared, he was just _right_.

If you're right, if you really don't deserve this, why aren't you trying harder to get away? His subconscious taunted him, pointing out that the stairs were right there, his bike was just an elevator ride away, and was he even _trying_ to escape the albino's hold?

"I can not do that, Mello. I love you. I cannot lose you again. If I lose you, the rest of the world will suffer right along with me. I will let Kira win. I do not care. If I cannot have you then I forfeit. I can't solve the puzzle without your piece." Mello stopped struggling, remembering a similar phrase spoken shortly after they'd received the news that L had died, and how he'd thought the albino was referring to their mentor. Near could have saved them years of heartache if he'd stopped speaking in riddles and codes for long enough to just say that he was sorry and wrong. But hadn't he always loved that about the younger man, how most of their peers and even caretakers couldn't understand him, how only he could solve the puzzle?

Near was waiting for an answer, because while they hadn't changed much in six years the albino had learned that with Mello he didn't always get what he wanted, that sometimes he would be disappointed. The blond waited so long to respond that Near's thoughts wandered, and he began to question why so many people spent every waking hour wishing to fall in love. The albino just could not see the sense in it, thought they must all be very stupid, until the blond reached around and pulled the younger boy's arms back around his waist.

"I can't promise you I won't die when it's time to face him. And don't say I won't be there because there is nothing in this world or the next that could stop me, and if you try I swear I'll be gone before you've had time to miss me. I love you and I want this to work. Don't fuck it up and I'll try my best to do the same." Near could have protested, both to his lover refusing to stay off the front line and for the warning, however he may have finally been learning to keep his mouth shut. Whatever happened, at least they had this. While it was far from romantic when Near pushed the blond back against the wall, Mello gasped and spread his legs.

"Mello is so beautiful." Near kissed along the blonde's spine, the older boy whining and pushing his hips back against the albino's. Leather pants were peeled down to mid-thigh while fingers were shoved into Mello's mouth, Near rubbing his clothed erection against the blonde's ass as his fingers were coated in saliva. Blond hair was already soaked in sweat and sticking to the back of the older boy's neck as Near buried his nose there while pushing his fingers into Mello's ass, stretching him with the digits while he freed his erection with the other hand.

"That's...enough..." Mello whimpered, knowing he wasn't really prepared enough but not willing to wait another minute. Near teased him by slowing the pace of his fingers plunging in and out while rubbing his freed erection against the back of the older boy's thigh. "Near, fuck me already."

The albino wanted this to last, wanted to even the score for Mello's earlier actions but the blond continued to beg until the younger boy cast all plans aside. The fingers removed, Near took hold of both hips and pushed into the blonde's ass, burying himself in as far as he could get and then laying his head on Mello's shoulder. It was so tight, so hot that the albino was afraid to move, afraid that he might come from just the feel of Mello reaching around and clawing at his hip. It might be _impossible_ to move, he thought, drawing back only to feel those muscles clench tighter around his dick and to hear Mello whine, curse, and beg for him not to.

"Mello will stop that...unless he wishes this to finish without his own satisfaction." Near's arm went behind one of the blonde's knees, bending the leg and holding it up as far as possible with the tight leather pants restricting the older boy's movement. The adjustment made it easier to thrust into the blond, while keeping Mello off balance so that all he could do was give in and let Near do the work for once. A control freak in all aspects, Near wondered how long the older boy would allow this, but Mello placed his palms against the wall to steady himself.

"Unh...Near...oh god don't fucking move." The albino smiled against the hot skin of his lover's back, rocking his hips just slightly, hitting the spot that had made Mello cry out again and again. The blond unable to do anything but gasp each time his prostate was brushed, Near still holding him off balance with one arm under his knee and the other coming up to run a finger over each nipple and then down to jerk him off.

Near continued thrusting against that spot even after warm fluids had dripped over his hand. Though they'd never reversed roles, Mello had assured him that it was possible to come from penetration alone, and the albino had made it a personal goal to do this as often as possible. It was no surprise when Mello began mumbling for him to go faster, harder, sucking and biting on Near's hand that was sticky with his own come. Even after having Near's dick inside of him for however long they'd been locked together, Mello was still so tight and warm and it took all of the albino's concentration just to keep from missing that spot. "Is Mello alright?" The blond gave the barest of nods, biting down harder on Near's fingers because he was too far gone to tell him to shut up and keep going. Another moment and Mello went limp in the albino's arms, the younger boy releasing the blonde's leg and grabbing a hip instead. Satisfied that he'd done what should be impossible, made the gorgeous older man come twice in the space of only a few minutes, Near concentrated on fulfilling his own neglected needs.

Mello looked so pretty, barely conscious as he wound down from the after-effects of his orgasm. Near wanted to stay in this moment for as long as he could but his mind drifted off and his dick took over. He'd even swear he blacked out for a moment because the blond was mumbling at him and he'd obviously finished but just when did that happen? "You know I'll let you sleep in me, baby, but it'll be a lot easier on both of us in the bed." Whether Mello was teasing or if he really thought Near needed reminding wasn't apparent, but he carefully pulled out and helped the older boy tug the leather back up over his hips, shuffling off to find the discarded belt while Mello sat in wait on the stairs.


	6. It's Never Too Late

A/N: This is it! It's Finally finished! To those reading Gloria Victis, I haven't forgotten about it and I promise I'll be posting the next chapter very soon. Thanks so much for reading!

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

"Light-kun? Why did you tell me you loved me if you didn't mean it?" Light spun around at the sound of _that_ voice. The one he hadn't heard in five years but had longed for each and every day. When he saw the detective, his heart stopped, he momentarily thought that maybe someone had written _his_ name in the Death Note. That he was in heaven or hell or wherever he was meant to go. "No, Light-kun, you are still very much alive. Though, regrettably, I am not. Now, I believe I asked you a question. Not answering would be quite rude and besides, I think you kind of owe me, don't you…_Kira_?"

"I don't owe you anything," the god of the new world growled but the part of Light Yagami that was still human was welling up with tears.

"Ah. I see…Such a pity Light-kun. You had such potential; it's a shame that you had to throw it all away. Well, never mind. Let's try this question instead. Have you missed me?" Watari appeared, seemingly out of thin air, carrying a tray of tea and L smiled. "Thank you so much Mr. Wammy…Would you care for some tea, Light-kun?"

"What reason would I have had to miss you? I achieved my goal, got you out of my way. You meant nothing to me L. You still mean nothing so why don't you go back to whatever hole you crawled out of…" L sighed, shook his head sadly.

"Really, Light-kun. You think its that easy? You may have rid yourself of me, taken my title, held the entire world hostage while you played god for years right under everyone's noses but you didn't take one tiny detail into consideration."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" L took a sip of his tea, gestured to the other side of the room.

"Them. My successors. Near, Mello, and Matt. I may not have been able to bring you to justice but they have. There's no getting around it now, no talking your way out. You might as well just come quietly, keep your dignity and save us all a lot of trouble."

"Them?" Light howled with laughter, throwing his head back, eyes flashing crimson. "Those babies? They're what I'm supposed to worry about?" He gestured towards Near, sitting on the floor, eyes wide with fascination. Then to Matt, who was distractedly playing a video game and rolling his eyes, though the outline of the gun in his pocket was clearly visible. Finally, Kira's finger pointed at Mello, shaking, as the blonde held his weapon loosely at his side. He was just waiting for an opportunity, an excuse, to shoot this bastard. "Just what are _they_ going to do to me, huh? Near clearly doesn't even want to be here. Neither does his redheaded friend. And _Mello_," Light's voice shook a little, part anger, part fear, the bane of his existence staring him down, the one who'd given him the most trouble, waiting for the insult to come. "That violent little fuck up. A school for geniuses the likes of you spit out this useless trash? None of them are capable of even comprehending my dream, let alone attempting to tear down the foundation I have made. They're nothing."

Mello's gun was aimed for Kira's chest, his finger already squeezing down on the trigger. Useless, he'd said. "Go ahead, keep talking Yagami. I'm begging you. Let's see how righteous you are when you're full of holes."

"Mello." The blond turned to his mentor, the man he hadn't even seen a photograph of in six years, the man who looked exactly as he had when he left Japan, licking sugar off the spoon from his tea. He glared at the younger boy, a look that even alive would have made the teen bow his head in shame, as he was now. "Mello, Kira and I are having a conversation. It is very rude to interrupt. Please keep calm, it will be your turn to speak soon."

"Fuck that. Didn't you hear what he said about us? You expect me not to defend myself? You - wait, are you talking to me?" Mello lowered his gun, staring at the older man as if he'd just seen him, as if he hadn't been watching the exchange for several minutes before interrupting. "Did you just..._speak_...to me?"

L rolled his eyes, though his trademark smirk remained on his face. He was amused by the blonde's shock at realizing that the ghost could not only be seen by him, but was able to converse with him. "Well of course I did. You can see me, can't you? I can speak to Light Yagami, what makes you think I cannot speak to you? Really, Mello was always such a bright boy, so clever, even more so than Near in fact." The blond looked to his lover, expecting the younger boy to be insulted by this admission, to be angry with him instead of their mentor. He only smirked, waving at L with the finger puppets that represented the three successors. The raven-haired detective smiled, waving back with a spoon dangling from him lips.

"I...I thought I was hallucinating. Fuck. Just, fuck. Are you really there?" This could not be happening, L was dead. He'd left them all six years ago and now there was his ghost, acting as if all this time and trouble hadn't passed, like it was just another case they were working on together.

"How do you know you aren't hallucinating?" L turned, gesturing to the rest of the group. The Japanese police were all stunned silent, had been since the man materialized before them, began the heated argument with Light. They were so surprised to see the dead detective that Light's guilt almost didn't seem important. "How do all of you know it, for sure? I could be a figment of your imagination. You've all been under so much stress, would it really surprise you if this wasn't some form of mass hysteria? Has there been any strange beverages served at this little get together? You see, this is why I always stick to tea. No one ever spikes the tea." Watari shot the detective a warning glance while he poured another cup, taking one of his own without sugar. He carefully blew at the steaming beverage, taking an experimental sip.

Kira had had enough of this. They were mocking him, his vision. This was the first day of his new world, and here was a ghost from a past he desperately wished to forget. Here was L again, standing in his way. Here was the man that had almost caused his plans to come to a screeching halt, preying on him, molesting god himself. Even as he thought it, a voice came from his own mind, a voice that he had not heard in six years. As soon as his memories had returned, Kira had killed the man called Light Yagami, had sent him to his grave along with his lover. The bastard had fought too, with all the hope of an innocent child, raging against the monster in him, struggling, kicking and screaming. But Light Yagami had never been in a fight in his entire life, and Kira knew just how to twist the knife, drive it deeper, reminding him that he had killed L, L who was perfect and loved him. "Shut up!" Kira held his hands to his ears, and this silenced the detective, who was still addressing the NPA and SPK, but it could not silence the boy called Light Yagami, who only wanted to run to L and beg for protection from himself. "Shut up!"

"What's the matter Kira? You look distraught. Are you feeling well?" Kira screamed, dropping to his knees, arms over his head to shield himself from the attack within. No. He would not let L defeat him this way. He was doing this. Light Yagami was dead, he'd been too naive to see the good they could do, and he'd been punished for it. He was just like all the rest, he just couldn't understand. "Stop this, whatever you're doing, stop. It won't work. You're not real. _He's_ not real. This is all just some sick joke. Some futile last effort to destroy me. I'm God. You can't fight god and win."

"No, you can't. You can't fight god, so you join. Even though you're not really sure it's the right thing to do, but you join him because it's better than death, better than nothing at all. And then his promises sound so pretty, his eyes seem so sincere when he hands you the world on the platter, when he touches you and promises that you can lead the world to a better place. You were so gentle, Light, so loving. You made me feel so special." A woman's voice, coming from seemingly nowhere, then everywhere, reverberating off the walls, echoing and loud as the one still calling out in his head.

Takada was a mess. The woman came from out of the shadows, wrapped in a sheet, her body covered with bleeding sores and burns. Her flesh was peeling off in places, blackened. She stood in front of him, resting a hand on his cheek. She pressed her lips to his, and when she stepped back, Light could taste burned flesh, rotten and sticking to his mouth. He spit, but a piece had made its way into his mouth, and he'd swallowed before he could help it. She was laughing at him as she stepped back to join the other ghosts that had begun to fill the warehouse.

"No, you're dead. You're dead, bitch." The woman smiled, watching the man that had actually convinced her that he might really be a god, falling from his lofty perch, his sanity slipping away right before their eyes. Never before had such a mighty being fallen so far. He was completely undone as he raged. She'd watched him first scream at his lover, a little jealous even now, because maybe the great L had been the sole reason that Light didn't love her. Maybe he had still been in Yagami's mind when they made love, maybe it was him he was imagining as he whispered promises that sounded too good to be true, but had to be, because he was so handsome and intelligent, and his ideals were so beautiful. "You're not here. The likes of you would never have made it to heaven. Maybe _him_ but not you."

"It turns out, Light, that I wasn't as lowly as you thought. I couldn't believe it either, but I guess that my doubt was enough to redeem me. I guess the fact that you twisted every word you ever spoke to me, that you tricked me into believing you were more than the pathetic child you are was enough to save me." L smiled sadly, waiting for the woman to continue. As much as he disliked anyone that had willingly followed Kira, as much as he didn't condone her excuses, he did feel sorry for her. Light's pretty face was treacherous; his righteous words were so easy to believe. She had loved him, maybe as much as L had. She'd had him, but never wholly, because his ghost had always been there, reminding Light that he could never have what he really wanted because he had killed it. "Tell me, when we fucked, did you taste him on my lips? Was it his arms you felt around you? Was it his ass in your mind?"

"Fuck you! Just shut up and leave me alone! I never loved you. I never cared about either of you. You can all go back and rot in hell for all I care!"

Takada smiled sadly. The words hurt even though she had already known it was the truth. She could have gone on forever about how much she hated this man now, how he had ruined her bright future, taken her life before her time. How she could have found another love, could have been happy with a normal life. But hers was not even the worst of it. Maybe L had not even suffered as much as the woman that was now creeping out of the shadows.

"As much as I hate you, Light Yagami, I have to thank you." Naomi Misora approached, dressed exactly as the day he had last seen her. Her body had never been found, and her ghost did not look all that different. The only change was the raw red skin around her neck, the rope burns and the slight tilt of her head made by broken bones. At first her speech was raspy, broken up by the crushed windpipe. But it only faltered for a few seconds, and she recovered, cracking her neck and righting the head on her shoulders. She'd been so meek and polite when they last spoke, so soft-spoken like the good little housewife Raye Penber had been looking for. Then her voice was rising in pitch, more confident as she came to stand before him. "You took him away from me. Do you know what it's like, having to give up your entire career for a chance at a normal life, to give up the one thing that makes you feel special? Do you have any idea how hard I fought to just be an equal among a room full of men with half my experience? I spent my entire life fighting for respect, and I gave it all up in a second when I decided that I'd rather have Raye that any of it."

Kira scoffed at the admission. He'd actually had some respect for the girl when he first met her. That had been exactly why he had been forced to kill her. She was just so smart. She was just too close to catching him. He had felt nothing when killing someone who wasn't actually a criminal, someone who just stood in his way. Anyway, he had done her a favor, just as she said. He'd reunited her with her lover, had given back what he'd stolen. But he was still surprised to find out that they weren't rotting in a fiery pit for trying to destroy his perfect world.

Raye came to stand behind Naomi, the first time he had ever been supportive of her career. He saw now that all his complaints about her quitting had been foolish, that her mind was greater than his had ever been. She was better at police work, deserved to be in his place. He should have stepped back and let her continue, then maybe they would both be alive.

"What are you whining about, Misora? Huh? I gave him back to you." Why couldn't they all see that god had a plan for everyone, that each life either fit in his world or needed to be thrown from it?

"You're such a fool. Our second chance gave us both the opportunity to reevaluate our lives, to see the mistakes we both made. It does not mean that I am grateful for you stealing my life away, or his. We weren't much older than you Yagami, we were going to be married, have children. That was taken from us, but it will be rectified soon enough."

Light dismissed the comment with a wave of his hand. "You're all dead. You're just visions of rotting corpses. Your words can't do anything to me. You can't set me on fire, or hang me, or give me a heart attack." He pointed to each of them in turn, reminding them of their last moments. They all smiled as he raged, coming to stand together, to make way for the final guest. "You can't touch me, so you can't hurt me. Your words don't mean shit to me."

Soichiro Yagami came dressed not as he had died, in the SWAT gear or the hospital gown, but as he had been on every other day that his son could remember. His suit was carefully pressed, his tie knotted tightly at his throat. Unlike all the others, there was not a scratch on him; there was no sign that he was dead. The rest looked as expected, though admittedly, L had always looked like a corpse, a pretty one, but still.

Soichiro was full of color, a slight tan over his wrinkled features. His hair was combed back, that streak of gray making him look distinguished, respectable. The head of the Kira investigation, the leader of the Japanese police, and most importantly, a kind and caring father. A man that had encouraged Light in every step he made, that was proud of both him and his slacker younger sister. This man had worked himself to the bone and still managed to make time to help the teenager with homework, to take the family on vacations even when it was obvious that he ought to be spending what little time he had off resting and recuperating. He was the perfect husband, the perfect father. His work and life, his sacrifice, had saved thousands of others.

Light had taken that from the world, and the part in him that wasn't Kira, was still human, felt his heart breaking all over again. Kira tried to push up to the surface, but for once the young man that had died if not when L did, but when his father took his last breath, was winning. Light Yagami shed a tear, turning his face from the crowd of ghosts only to meet those of the task force. They all looked on in equal parts horror and respect, and their grief could be felt on Light's skin, like bugs crawling all over him, eating him up. He brushed at his arms, wiped his hands on his jacket. He was guilty of killing this man, and he could feel the stain of the murder, could almost see it.

"I was so proud of you, Light. I never wanted you to follow in my footsteps; I wanted you to be happy. But you worked so hard, son, and I was so proud. Even when you replaced me with Ryuzaki, even when you seemed to look up to him more than me, I was proud. And when he died, my heart broke for you. I saw the way you missed your idol, and had long been suspicious over what was going on between you. I can't say I approved of it at first, but never had I seen someone more distraught over a death than you were, and I felt it with you. Even on my deathbed, I felt sorry for only you, because I was leaving you alone with the burden of defeating Kira. I should have tried to hold on longer, I thought. But-" Soichiro's voice shook, and he held turned away from his son.

The head of the taskforce had not been in any pain, as he died, at least not in the physical sense. He was so full of the drugs they pumped in to keep him comfortable, and so ready to face death knowing that he was dying for a good cause, had done the right thing by not killing the child Mello. He'd seen his son's angry tears, seen the disappointment, the vengeful spirit that possessed him. Light wanted his father's murderers to die, but he would not do that. The blond boy had reminded him so much of his own son, was even younger than him, and he just could not do it. Mello would find his place, or suffer at the hands of god. Soichiro would not be the one to make that decision.

In hindsight he should have known, but it was already too late. A parent can not see the evil in their child, especially not one like Light, who was so pure, who always knew what was the right thing to do, always pushed ahead even when there was no hope. But of course Light had not given up when his mentor died, and Soichiro had discovered why only moments after his death. The Yagami teen had kept pushing ahead in the investigation not to avenge the fallen, or to save the world, but because as the second L, he was in the perfect position to continue his work as Kira. His son was the devil, was evil incarnate, and had killed his own father because he stood in the way.

Mello had been feeling the guilt over taking Soichiro's life, had been punishing himself and begging god to forgive him still. He could not look at the man now. He dropped to his knees, crossing himself. He said a short prayer before he finally tried to meet the older man's eyes. "Yagami-san, I am so sorry. I made the worst mistake that day. It is no excuse, but I believed that if you were not Kira himself, than you were working alongside him. I never meant for that to happen." Mello ran his hand down the scarred side of his face. "I hope you can take a small comfort in the fact that I was destroyed that day as well. I was punished for my sins, and I still regret the decisions I made."

Soichiro nodded, smiled at the boy. He walked to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. The child looked years younger than his age, so innocent even with the gun still in his hand. He pulled the boy into a hug, and Mello shivered. It wasn't that he feared the ghost, but that he did not believe he was worthy of receiving comfort from a man that he had murdered to save his own life.

Light ran to his father, grabbing for his sleeve to pull him away. His hand passed through him, and he grabbed for it again. His hand passed through again, chilled at the cool air that seemed to surround his father. "Don't touch him! Don't talk to him! You have no right. You killed him! You killed my father."

Every gun in the room pointed at Light, and still he did not back down, threatening the blond twenty-year-old. "Drop your weapons! That is an order. This is between Light and myself." Light stared at his father in shock, made to grab for him again, missing, then lunging for Mello. "Light Yagami!" Soichiro's son froze in his place. "You have no right to attack him. You have no right to accuse him. It is you that killed your own father. It is you that put that demon book in my hands, planned not only for physical death, but the death of my very soul."

_The human who uses this note can neither go to Heaven nor Hell_…

Light was already damned, had been as soon as he took that first experimental life. But that had been fine with him. It had been ok if he was forced to spend the rest of eternity in Mu for the chance to change the world, make it a better place. His father shared his goals, though he was going about it the wrong way. He wanted the world to be a better place, but the fool would not write Mello's name down. Light had only been giving him the chance to help build the world, had given him a gift when he allowed him to use the notebook. The plan had gone so perfectly, right down to the final moments. And then Soichiro had died before he could be convinced.

"You didn't understand! He wasn't just some innocent kid! He did kill you! He pressed that button, not me!" There was the sound of metal tapping against a porcelain tea cup, calling attention back to the detective that had been watching the exchange in curious silence, more fascinated now with human behavior than he had ever been.

"This has always been a problem for Light Yagami. Perhaps that is why Kira was so easily able to infect him. Light has never understood cause and effect very well. Even as such an intelligent young man, that concept escapes him." L would not be able to say that he didn't take pleasure in strolling towards Light, shoving him until he fell to the ground. "Now, it is obvious that I pushed Light, that I caused him to fall. Yes?" Light stood, lunging at him, but he fell right through the detective, landing on his face on the hard concrete. "Thank you Light, that was a fine example. We might argue over which of us is to blame for the scrapes on your lovely face. You attacked me, and I dodged it. Therefore, you fell. Is it your fault for attacking me? Or is it mine, for dodging, which resulted in the accident." Light lunged again, and this time Kira felt himself resurfacing underneath the rage. "You are a slow learner these days, aren't you? Let's skip this childish lesson then. Morally speaking, it was wrong for Mello to destroy that building, and he has been duly punished for it. But it was Kira who put him in the position, it was Kira who placed Soichiro Yagami in that building, knowing it could, and almost definitely would result in his death. Therefore, it is Light Yagami's fault that Soichiro died."

"No! I would never have done that! I am not a murderer! I am god. I celebrate good, and I punish evil. I don't take lives without a reason. He's dead because he doubted god, and was punished for it. You're dead because you stood in god's way. I feel no guilt for it." L stepped back, taking Soichiro with him. He was so disappointed in the young man, who still refused to see his evil ways even now.

Mello's hands were shaking, he'd dropped his gun as he watched the exchange. He'd been clutching at his rosary, mouthing the words of another prayer, asking god to forgive him, asking god to save who he could. Near had taken his other hand, squeezing gently, offering what comfort he could. It was enough, and their fingers laced together, each silently telling the other that they were going to be alright.

"Denial is a terrible thing. It eats away at the very core of a being, and eventually a lie can be said until it is believed by it's creator, until there is no doubt in the mind that it is absolute truth." Kira glared at the albino. How dare he mock god, suggest that he didn't have total control over his own thoughts and feelings? "Light Yagami does feel guilt, for each and every name he wrote in the notebook. I know what that guilt is like, how much it hurts. I have made the same mistakes, though it has not yet cost a life. At least, not to my knowledge. I know how easy it is to lie to oneself, to force oneself to believe that lie because it is better than letting go of pride, of just admitting that you were wrong. I only wish that I had seen it sooner. It is too late for Light Yagami, and I pity him for it. I still have a chance to redeem myself. I still have a chance to apologize, to make it right. Things will never be the same, but my life will be better now that I have realized how foolish I was. It takes a great man to know when he is wrong."

The perfect Near had made a mistake? How interesting. He had not made one mistake in the case thus far, had kept Kira nervous at every step of the way, had him shaking every time that symbol popped up, mocking him. He'd called him L, all while taunting him, telling him that he knew that he was indeed the man they were all searching for. What could have L's prodigy done?

Mello gripped his lover's hand tighter, jerked his arm in an attempt to shut him up. This wouldn't be good. Admitting a weakness such as this in front of Kira. Near brought that hand to his lips, freaking _kissed_ it right before Yagami's eyes. Mello wanted to be angry, but it felt so nice so receive such a normal display of affection.

Light grinned, then broke out into that maniacal laugh. This was too good to be true. Near had a lover? He'd noticed them holding hands, but had assumed that it was a brotherly gesture, since the two had been raised at Wammy's orphanage. But no, this was even better. L's heirs were fucking each other. How perfect.

"Mistakes. Yes, I see it now. I wondered what caused the rift between you. I heard only that you were rivals, that poor Mello always came in second place to Near. But it seems that it is more than that causing him to work against you, to plot to beat me first. You could have just worked together, then maybe you would have killed me when you had the chance. Then maybe Mihael Keehl might have a few more minutes to live." Light turned, unlocking the mechanism on his wristwatch. He pulled a pen out of his jacket pocket, began scribbling the letters to Mello's true name. "Too little too late Near."

"He's got a piece of the death note!" One of the task force members screamed, and all their guns pointed at him. Light was scribbling the last letters of the name, watching each of their reactions in turn. The ghosts sat calmly by, not interfering. L must miss his children terribly, if he was so willing to stand by and watch one of their deaths.

The shot rang out before the last two letters were written, the bullet piercing his hand. Light screamed, fell to his knees, holding his hand. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He turned to the task force, but none of them had fired. Then he looked to the heirs, and Near was holding Mello's gun as the older boy watched, calmer than he'd ever seen him. The pen had skittered across the room, and Light ran a finger through his blood, holding it poised over a piece of the notepaper. "You don't look scared, Mello. It's going to hurt, maybe not as much as that explosion, maybe more. Imagine your young, healthy heart failing on you as your lover holds you when you take your last breath. Doesn't that frighten you?"

"Not at all. I have been prepared to die ever since I took this case, and I am no more afraid now than I was then." Again he touched his scar, watching Near look at him with no less love and desire than ever. "Anyway, you don't know his name. That's all I care about. If I die, it's to keep him alive. He'll kill you for us all."

"If that's the way you want it." It was difficult to make the letters, and his hand hurt so terribly. Ryuk stood beside him, laughing. What the hell was so funny about all this? He was winning, Ryuk should be happy. He was about to see the most interesting change in the human world in thousands of years. Once these brats were gone he could finish his work and rest on his throne.

Light's hand shook, but he was almost done. Then another shot rang out, again from Near's place on the floor, this time hitting him in the other shoulder, rendering his arm useless. He fell onto his back, writhing in agony. Nothing had ever hurt more. No pain was worse than this defeat.

"Take it from him, you idiots! What are you waiting for!" The task force and the SPK all rushed to Light, but their approach was halted by a wall of familiar ghosts, Soichiro and L standing at the front.

"Takada! Dad! Get out of the way!" They faced him, their eyes coolly staring at the wounded young man. "Misa! Mikami, where are you? Help me! They're going to kill me."

Outside they heard the sound of a man shrieking, high pitched and child-like. Mikami was trying desperately to reach his lord, but there were hundreds of people in his way, materializing out of nowhere, then walking straight through the walls of the warehouse, coming towards Light. Some of them looked exactly as they had alive, others had blood dripping from wounds in their wrists, others still were missing entire limbs, or their bodies were crushed in various ways. Light recognized the thief and murderer he'd killed on the bus so long ago, his skull crushed by the oncoming car, his whole body mangled beyond belief. He dragged himself forward, a knife glinting in his hand.

"Shh, Light-kun. They cannot hurt you. They are only here to watch." Light stared up in horror as they just kept approaching, the rest of the living watching, not helping. L tried to pull Light to him, but Kira was struggling. He was not going to die like this, was not going to go out the same way L had. He was better than that. He tried to drag himself to his knees, falling several times before he finally managed to crawl to Ryuk.

"Kill them! Write their names down! Don't let me die like this. Do you want it all over this way? How boring would that be? Please! Please don't let me die!" Ryuk laughed, kicked him away when he reached for the shinigami's leg. He grabbed again, but Ryuk moved back, taking out his death note, pen poised.

"You're pathetic Light. Take it like a man." He scribbled a name down, and Light dropped to the ground, thanking the shinigami for finally aiding him. Then the notebook turned, and he saw the characters of his own name.

"No! No!" Someone was counting forty seconds as Kira stared helplessly up at his end. Light Yagami was dragging their body towards L again, while Kira cried in defeat. "Oh, god L. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It wasn't me. It was him. I swear I didn't want to do it." L pulled the younger boy's head into his lap, petting his hair and counting out the last seconds.

"Do not worry my love, it does not hurt that badly. When it is all over, you will find your peace." Was Kira imagining it? Was L crying for one of them? Damn him. Damn L. Damn all those people who refused to follow him.

Kira's eyes closed, his breath rasping one final time to mutter something, but no one could hear it over the sound of hundreds of footsteps trailing back the way they had come. As Light's eyes closed, as L smiled and still pet his hair, many of them disappeared. All that was left were L and Watari. The older man glanced at his watch, then back to his charge. It would just be a few more seconds. He could clearly remember how it felt, and had thought better than to scold his child for lying. It had hurt like hell, his heart pounding against his chest before it finally gave up. Of course, given the fact that Light had deceived his child, hurt him more than anyone ever could as well as ended both of their lives needlessly – split personality or not - the little bastard kind of deserved it.

Light's body was limp, and Ryuk was flying away, waving goodbye and giving his regards to everyone. He looked to the body of Light, shaking his head in disappointment. He'd been so boring lately, not his usual self at all. Humans were so strange, so caught up with this love business. That had been Kira's problem, even he was mourning the loss of his rival, his challenge. But that was all over now. All that was left was for the body to be taken away. Humans left such a mess.

Something was stirring in the body, pulling out of it. Light broke free from his prison, leaving the shell of Kira behind. He rolled over, scared at first when he noticed that he couldn't take a breath, couldn't feel his heart beating in his chest. And oh god the body, the bloody mess of holes.

But there was something wonderful waiting for him, someone he'd never imagined he'd see again. L waited patiently, slowing making his way to his feet as Light shuffled towards him. Then L was wrapping those skinny limbs around him, pulling him into an embrace. He kissed him.

"L?" The detective kissed him again, pulling him tighter. He could feel L's cool skin on his own, could feel his lips brushing against his neck as he kissed there next before he spoke.

"It is all over Light-kun. I didn't believe it was the time to explain before, but you are free from Kira. He is dead, and only you remain. You still have the choice to follow him if you wish, but I'd rather like it if you choose me this time. I believe there are no rules against us making love where we are headed, if that helps with your decision." Light reached out to stroke the detective's cheek, to run his hands through his hair. It was deceptively soft. He looked so pretty even in death. The older man was by no means what most would consider 'traditionally attractive' but Light thought he was breath taking.

"I'd already chosen you. He killed me for it." L nodded, returning the attention by brushing some stray strands of auburn hair back in place. Light hated to have his appearance mussed up.

"He's gone now my love. It is only you and I left." The detective turned, smiling at his caretaker. "And Watari. I must admit he is not very fond of you, or our relationship, but he wishes for me to be happy. I think if you ask him very politely he will make us a cup of tea, and we can discuss this in detail. Then of course there will be time to catch up on the love making we have missed all these years. I've missed you terribly."

The task force watched the old Light return, innocence back in his eyes that they hadn't realized was ever gone. Thinking back, each man felt like he should have seen it. The signs of slow madness were mistaken for depression over the boy losing his mentor and father, how he treated his girlfriend, dismissive, violent, even cheating on her, had been excused over stress. Most of them had suspected that something was a little strange about the way L and Light interacted, and now that the final pieces had been put together even that seemed so obvious.

There had already been a call made to take the body of Light Yagami away, and the police officers were preparing to take the news to his remaining family. They couldn't explain all this, it would break both of the girl's hearts to know what he had been, that there had been a monster inhabiting the body of someone whom they had loved. Light was so young, and many would mourn his passing, would be told that he had died in the fight against Kira, that he had stood beside L and helped him win. Many would mourn his passing, but the task force was happy to see him go. It was what he'd been waiting for all along, to be with the detective again.

Light's death would be seen as a blessing, but there were still those who could not watch the tearful, sweet reunion and not feel angry, bitter, like they had lost even with such a victory. L's children could not forgive him for leaving, the years they'd spent chasing after his killer, to finally find out that he'd almost willingly gone. If he hadn't gotten to close to the murderer, he wouldn't have died.

"I refuse to believe that /he/ of all people would get a pass to..." Mello spoke, his words faltering as he tried to come up with a name for it. He'd read the death note rules, had seen two real live shinigamis, and still held onto his faith. Surely god would not allow a murderer to go to heaven. But that meant that if L was taking him away, than his mentor had not been good enough to earn the right either. He just couldn't bear the news, but he had to know.

Light hung his head, still clinging to the detective though the man was gently untangling their limbs. He kissed the brown-eyed man's forehead, noting a few more lines in his face than when they had last been together. The detective smiled, his young lover had grown up and they were now the same age, the gap between them that would have been there even without Kira was gone.

Watari sighed heavily when the Japanese man tried to follow the dark haired detective. He placed a hand on Light's shoulder, shaking his head, giving him the same look that had made many a Wammy's student stop dead in their tracks. "They had him before you did, son. It is his duty to explain, and no words from you could ever be enough. You...ahem, _Kira_, took something from three little children that will never be replaced." Light nodded, then watched from a distance as L went to his successors' sides.

"L...this has got to be some cruel joke. Tell me, please tell me you haven't gone..." Mello let the end of the sentence hang in the musty air of the warehouse, watching his mentor smile at him, then Near, then Matt, before gesturing that the three come closer. He pulled them all into a hug, as usual surprising the three with how tall he was, how long his skeletal limbs were that held them close.

"No, Mihael, I have not. There are not many answers I can give you, other than to say that the place I will soon leave for is, ah, the best word for it that any of you will understand is heaven, though I do not believe it resembles anything close to what you all may have imagined. I can say there is no pain, and even as I watched you all struggle and was alone without my lover, I promise that I have been happy as these six years have passed." The children were released from the hug, though they all hovered close, lost in their own thoughts, trying to comprehend what had been stated so matter of factly. Leave it to the great L to describe heaven like it was a nice little bakeshop down the road and not...well, _heaven_. The place you go when you _die_.

"I fucking told you. Didn't I fucking tell you that I saw him? Nobody believed me, of course, but that's you lot pwned." L smirked as the excited redhead pointed a finger at several people in turn, then removed his goggles to wipe tears from his eyes. "Heh, remember the last time I shed tears in front of you, L?"

"Yes, Mail, I most certainly do. No one had ever before or since hacked my systems, and you were eleven, if I remember correctly. Still such talent, in all of you. I am so proud." The redhead hugged the detective once more before taking a step back, pushing Mello and Near closer. The albino tried to hug his blond lover, but Mello pushed him away, shielding angry tears from his lover and his mentor. "Mihael, you break my heart as always. Please do not shed any more tears for me. I beg you, do not hate me for the choices I have made. Near, have you lost respect for me as well?"

"I only do not understand. I have no right to judge you for your desires. I believe I would have still loved Mello if he had been persuaded by the influence of the shinigami notebook." The albino studied the Kira puppet, then L, making the two face each other.

"Yes, I have always felt the same way, Nate. They do not seem to match, do they?" Mello read between the lines, taking Near's hand in his own and staring at the contrast of ghostly pale and tanned. Not only in appearances, but in everything else they were different, yet they'd made it work. There'd been times when he hated the younger man so much it made him physically ill, and other times when he hated himself because he couldn't possibly deserve someone as oddly perfect. "At least at first glance. However, looking beyond the obvious differences," L glanced down at his casual ensemble, then behind him to Light in his tailored suit and high polished shoes, carefully combed hair. "You can see clearly just how even a match it is. I will not argue for his redemption, that decision is beyond all of us. I can only say that you do not know Light Yagami, the real Light - not the demon that took over his being. Just as none of us know Mihael or Nate the way Mello and Near do."

"I don't know if I can accept that." Mello whispered, letting L pull him into another hug and this time when the detective loosened his hold the blond did not step back. "Was all this for nothing, then? Did I waste twenty years of my life just to let the man that gave me reason to keep going turn around and leave his children for a fucking monster?"

"I wish I could explain, show you the person he was before he picked up that cursed notebook. The day he held it in his hands, the first time he used it, Kira began to take over and Light Yagami died. It is still not enough, I know, but believe me Mello I never meant for any of you to suffer. I would give him up even, or my place beyond this world, so that you did not have to endure what you did. Trust me when I say that I am so proud of you for all you survived. That I would not have asked you to do it any differently, and that my respect for you is greater than ever. I will accept if you have come to hate me, but I ask that you change your opinions of yourself and your actions. It was all justified, every act understood and forgiven by something greater than any of you or even myself can fully comprehend."

Mello's blue eyes widened, his mouth fell open and even Near seemed a little surprised at what had just been implied. This should be the blonde's question; he was the one who still held onto faith in something greater than them all but the eldest of the three successors was struck speechless. "Has L just implied that he has access to the...judgments of..." L held up a hand to the confused albino, winking at each of his children then turning towards their elder caretaker.

"Let me just say that Watari's cake and tea has been known to bring even the most unlikely of creatures together for an afternoon or two. Oh, don't look so shocked, Mihael. You once said that his German chocolate cake was too good for mortal consumption, even referred to him as god more than once when waiting by the oven for one of his delicious confections. Don't you remember?" L smirked again, looking to Watari for confirmation. The old man smiled and nodded.

"Please, L, for once in your life don't be kidding around. I...I'm forgiven?" Near smirked, taking the blonde's hand, making a mental note to say 'I told you so' later. Now was not the time though, because he could sense that this little meeting would be over soon.

"Of course, little angel Mihael." Mello clung to both his lover's hand and the rosary around his neck, tears still sliding down his face but this time they were ones of relief, of happiness and it was hard not to choke on the feeling because it was just too good to be true.

"Watari keeps looking at his watch, you're leaving us soon aren't you?" This time the detective frowned; blue-gray eyes softening and glistening with unshed tears. He nodded once, taking all three boys into a hug again, kissing their foreheads.

"I am, yes. I wish for us to have more time together, but you three have lives to live, and I have some rearranging to do myself. Do not be sad, I am able to make appearances if I so choose, and there will soon be some...changes that I would very much like to be close by to witness and congratulate."

"Oh, like what?" Matt asked, always the first to find the short cut, the cheat, to hear how the movie ended before he paid the ticket fee. L only shook a scolding finger at them, his smile widening.

"I do not wish to spoil the surprises, but you each will know. I love you all so much, Watari and I are both so proud." They each took a turn to hug the detective once more on their own, then watched him walk back to Light and Watari, leave the warehouse and though they waited only seconds before going outside to see where the three had gone there were no signs of them.

* * *

The ride back was eerily quiet, Matt's car driven by Hal because he was still not to be trusted behind the wheel. It left the three successors to the L title alone, gave them time to talk about what they'd just seen and heard but none had spoken once since the brief discussion about who would sit where and was there any problem with having pizza delivered to the SPK headquarters when they got in.

The blond woman in the driver's seat had tried to get her employer and his friends to chat about the safe topics, like the weather, or jokingly asking what everyone's career plans were now. She received three rather blank stares before deciding to shut up and concentrate on a tune stuck in her head. Matt's I pod was hooked up and there was no way in hell she was turning that stuff on if there was a choice.

"Alright then, I've had just about enough. I've been moping for a good twenty minutes and I think I'm quite finished. How about you lot, hmm?" Near glared at the hyper redhead's sudden outburst, but Mello reached out and ruffled the unruly brightly colored hair.

"For once, I think you're right Matty." Both Matt and Near raised eyebrows, and even Hal politely coughed in her hand to cover her shock. It seemed that the blond had taken the short visit with his fallen mentor harder than anyone, and had looked about ready to rage or cry for the duration of the ride.

"Mello, you feeling alright mate?" The hacker placed the back of his hand against his friend's forehead, checking for signs of a fever. He was not attempting to be humorous.

"Mmhmm." The blond lay down, stretching his legs over the redhead's lap and resting his head against the albino's knee. "All my favorite things are right here."

* * *

Mello felt like the proverbial weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like all his problems had finally been solved in the space of a few minutes. L had been dead for six years, hadn't seen them in even longer than that but somehow had known just how to make everything all right again just as usual. Now if only he could solve just one more problem.

It took the blond another hour after arriving at headquarters to get Near upstairs, get him and Matt to stop bickering about god knows what. So the whole world wasn't exactly all sunshine and roses, but then again Mello had never really been into that crap. Some parts just had to be flawed, because that was what made them all the more endearing, beautiful, and just what had happened to him to make Mello so...perky?

Matt and Near might never really get along, because both were disgustingly protective of the eldest of the three successors. That was a problem that could be easily dealt with, given enough time and patience. Then there was the matter of Mello's constant reminder of the past, the scar, the impaired vision and hearing, but at this very moment his boyfriend (now just how old are you, he scolded himself) was working around that beautifully.

The blond closed his eyes and mentally checked off all the other bullshit that had been nagging at him for more than six years now, realizing just how much had been solved in one day. Of course there was the issue of his and Near's relationship. Would it continue to work? Would they survive if it didn't? Mello still had a hard time trusting the albino when he said all those romantic things that the blond had been begging for as a young teen, but right now with the younger man's hand in his own and a quiet voice saying all those lovely things as they lay curled up in the bed, it was a hell of a lot easier to believe.

Mello sighed, stretched, looking for a more comfortable position but Near refused to let him move even an inch. "Near, what the fuck?" The albino ignored the question, rolling on top of the older boy, getting a knee between Mello's legs, nudging them far enough apart to lay between them, then settling his head on the blonde's chest. "Staying for the winter, eh?"

"It would have been helpful if Mello had taken his clothes off first, but, yes, I believe I could remain here for quite some time." There was yet another problem on the older boy's list. Near had been downright silly since they'd locked the bedroom door, playfully tapping Mello on the ass, grabbing him for a kiss only to prod a rather ticklish spot over his ribs.

"I might be able to arrange that, if you would be so kind as to get the hell off of me." The blond squirmed under the younger man, whose smile widened, anticipating the sight of his pretty lover stripping while he watched. The albino rolled over onto his back, gesturing that it was all right for the older boy to get up now. "Gee, thanks for your permission."

"There's no need to thank me, it was a purely selfish gesture." Mello rolled his eyes, taking longer than necessary to remove his belt, put his gun away. He walked around the room with the vest unzipped, frowning at some faded reddish marks over his nipples where Near had gotten carried away and bit him. Not that he'd minded, really. "Mello is purposely drawing this out." Near whined.

"I don't see you jumping up to take yours off." The blond crossed his arms over his chest, tapped a bare foot on the floor. He couldn't help but laugh when Near yanked the pajama bottoms off, then tore at the buttons of his top. Though again he was taken aback by how much older the albino looked nude, how despite his stature and the white unruly curls on his head, and all Mello wanted to do was get closer, touch and kiss every inch of the pale boy he'd missed so much. Yeah, this was going to work after all, the blond assured himself. When apart, he could almost convince himself that he didn't need the younger man, that he was irritating, and rude, and not worth the trouble. But now, with Near confidently striding towards him and sliding the vest off Mello's shoulders, kissing the bare flesh while he worked at the laces of his pants, who was he kidding?

The older boy let himself be led back to their bed, sitting on the edge while Near leaned down and peeled the leather off his legs. He was kissing up each thigh, soft white hair tickling the blonde until he was made to forget everything when a warm, wet mouth wrapped around his erection. Near was a very generous lover, surprisingly enough considering how spoiled he'd always been. Mello had to push him away, scooting back on the bed to lie down as the younger boy tackled him. He was rolled over, instinctually bringing his hips up in invitation. Near sat back, admiring his lover and finally taking the time to notice something he had the first night but didn't dare mention.

"This part is my favorite part of Mello." The blond snorted a laugh, about to tease how he knew that Near only wanted his ass, but then a finger was tracing the lines of his tattoo, something he'd had so long he'd almost forgotten about. "Mello, I want to show you something." Again the blond laughed, but rolled over, spreading his legs and reaching for his lover's hands. Instead Near turned around, smoothing some of his hair away from the back of his neck, and just barely visible at the base of it there was a tiny puzzle piece permanently etched into the pale skin, the letter 'M' in the center.

The blond sat up quickly, rubbing at the spot as if he couldn't believe it was real. He just couldn't imagine Near doing something like this, marking himself, especially in a tribute to Mello. "Oh, god Near I love you. Thank you." Mello kissed the spot, licked it, playing with the curls at the nape of Near's neck until the younger boy turned and pressed their lips together.

"I have changed my mind about a few things lately. I have decided that my previous opinions regarding the sexual aspect of our relationship were incorrect. I feel much more than physical stimulation when we are in bed together. There is no other term to describe it but making love. I wish to make love to you. _Now_." Years ago Mello might have been offended at the demand, but it was just the way Near spoke, and...had he really said that?

The blond had time to think about it, to really let it sink in that this relationship meant just as much to Near as it did to him, because the albino was busy rummaging through the drawers of the nightstand and cursing loudly. Mello just watched, noticing the albino growing more and more frustrated as he searched, then finally grinning when he found the bottle of lube and (very) quickly made it back to the bed.

"Ah, baby you took so long I'm not sure I'm even in the mood any more." Near cast his eyes downward, the proof of the lie obvious between Mello's legs. "Alright, you caught me. But hurry the fuck up." The blond winked, then licked his lips while the younger man upended the bottle into his hand.

He was much gentler than last time, carefully pushing a single finger into the blonde's ass, working it in and out until Mello was bucking his hips and spreading his legs further. A second finger and Mello was tugging at his hair, biting his lip to keep from crying out but Near kissed him, and when their tongues met a third pale digit was added, all three keeping a constant pressure against the prostate now, held there even when the older boy writhed under the touch. It was too much, it felt so good it hurt and he was clawing at his thigh and belly, trying to pull back but there was no where to go. The constant pressure remained, Near still kissing him until he whimpered into the albino's mouth. "Is Mello alright? Is he ready?"

"Uh huh. Goddamn it, Near fuck me." The fingers were drawn back out, then in again, spread apart and stretching him.

"I most certainly will not. If that is how Mello wishes to describe it then he most certainly is not ready." The digits were removed, more lubricant poured into Near's hand. He spread the oily substance on his dick, eyes rolling back from the sensation and the sight of his lover with his knees bent and legs spread, thighs and stomach flushed, hair mussed but looking like a halo around his head. "If Mello wants to get fucked, he can do it himself."

The blond reached for the albino, but the younger boy moved out of the way and grabbed a pillow to place under the older man's lower back. "I'm fucking going to if you don't hurry up and..." Near raised an eyebrow, still jerking himself off as he watched lust filled blue eyes try to focus. "Please make love to me?"

Near crawled between Mello's legs, pushing his thighs farther apart, running his hands under them and then cupping his ass, tilting those thin hips further up as he positioned himself between them. Mello reached to grasp the albino's dick, guiding the tip inside and then placing his palms on the younger man's back, sighing contentedly when the younger boy pushed forward, rocked back, careful not to go too fast or to hard not because he was afraid it would hurt his lover but because he knew it would drive him insane, drag out more of those pretty noises he was making. "You are so pretty." Near whispered, kissing along the edge of a scarred cheek, then nuzzling the smooth one on the other side.

Mello believed him then, allowing the albino to run his hands over his scarred arm and shoulder, kissing them while he continued to slowly rock his hips. The blond wrapped a leg around the albino's waist, pulling him closer until Near was buried inside him and they both had to close their eyes and be still for a moment. "Oh, god, Near, I fucking love you. You're amazing." The albino smirked, untangling the blonde's leg and placing an hand on the small of his back, whimpering when he rocked his hips back and Mello raised his to keep from losing the contact.

"Doesn't Mello trust me to please him?" The younger man teased, fingers digging into the hollow of a hip to keep Mello from moving again. The blond nodded. "Then be still and let me." Mello nodded again, his mouth falling open when the albino thrust repeatedly against his prostate, precise as always in everything he did. "My love is...difficult..." Near said after several minutes of slowly drawing in and out of the tight warmth, loving the reactions of Mello's curled toes and lip biting and cute breathy moans, but wondering how much longer he would last each time he pushed in and felt muscles contract around his erection, making each thrust more difficult.

"If...you...wouldn't...go so fucking slow..._ah_!" Near took the hint, grabbing the cheeks of Mello's ass and putting more force into the movements of his pelvis, feeling a shiver go through the blond and then himself until the older boy's eyes widened and the albino felt clear fluids sticking to their stomachs.

"Will Mello let me...mmm..." The blond had wrapped his arms around the younger man's neck and kissed him, silently giving his assent as Near finished inside him. "I was going to say..."

"Yes, I know. I'm not going anywhere. You have me and I'm never leaving again." Mello rubbed the spot where the tiny puzzle piece was tattooed on the back of his lover's neck, and Near's hand instinctively went to the matching one that Mello hid just below the waistband of his pants for only him to see.

Later that week, the blond sitting in Near's lap in a computer chair while they studied up on a new case, playing with the curls at the base of his neck, Matt would come up behind the youngest of the three and laugh, cigarette almost falling out of his mouth when he noticed the tiny mark. Somehow, through the powers that be or just knowing each other too damn well, the tattoos had been etched perfectly so that if they were to be removed and placed together, they would interlock perfectly. Mello had worried that the albino would want to know just how Matt had seen the tattoo, but the younger boy only pulled him back into his lap, hand possessively going for the smooth skin exposed between pants and vest. He kissed him and thanked him again and again, and their friend rolled his eyes and mumbled something about needing fresh air before he became ill.

On the opposite end of the room, the couple swore they could see a slouching figure with his hands in his pockets, smiling with wide dark eyes. If only he'd been there, if only he'd known, he would have asked how it took his children so long to see that the two pieces missing from the puzzle were right there all along. It was too late for an I told you so, however, and anyway it had all worked out. L waved, then held out both hands to another two familiar apparitions as he disappeared around the corner.


End file.
